Post # 1
So, as some of you may know, I’ve been trying to figure out what to do about my relationship possibly going LDR when the SO and I graduate next week (been together for 8 mo). Last night a drunk SO (I was sober) told me that he loves me and then asked whether I remembered when he first said I love you.
Me: “Yeah, I ruined it.”
SO: “I cried.”
Me: “You did? I don’t remember that.”
SO: “I did a little.”
Me: “Aw, I don’t remember you crying…why did you cry?”
SO: “Because that’s when I thought you were the one.”
Me: “The one? For what?”
SO: “The one for me.”
Then today he mentions that he didn’t remember what happened the night prior after a certain point, but claimed he remembered the conversation up to right before the “the one” part. I told him that the whole thing kind of freaked me out, because I didn’t want to scare him off.
I know I’ve been told not to read into what he is saying because my SO is a very logical guy who seems to be a straight shooter, but I don’t get it. I suspect he didn’t really conveniently “forget” the conversation at the point where he told me he thought I was the one. And I think I may have rejected him by telling him the conversation scared me. I don’t really know how to interpret this (A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts? But when I asked him whether he had actually thought about this, he said that he couldn’t definitively tell me I’m the one…is that dodging the question?), whether to bring this up again with him, or how to fix the whole thing.
Please help! Thanks a million!
Post # 3
It sounds like he’s sticking his toes in the water. Seems like he remembered the conversation, but wanted to see what your reaction was, before he either went along with it, or tried to distance himself from saying it. I think he probably scared himself. He’s probably thinking a mile a minute about how he doesn’t want to scare you, and coming to terms with whether he’s in it for the real long haul. Something like that takes time to iron out, and it also takes knowing if your partner is on the same page in heading in that direction.
Post # 4
Smack him. He probably knew exactly what he was doing, and he chose to do it while drunk, like JulesSchnooks said, to stick his toes in the water. IMO, it’s not OK!
My Fiance first told me he loved me when he was drunk and I was just a titch tipsy, standing in his kitchen after a night out dancing.
The next week, I came over, and we stood in his kitchen.
Me: “Do you remember what you told me right in this room, last weekend?”
Me: “What did you say?”
Him: “That I love you.”
Me: *smack on arm* “Don’t ever say anything important to me for the first time when you’re drunk. I love you, too.”
I’ve joked with him about it since then, but really, those types of convos are best had while sober – or maybe tipsy on a glass of wine 🙂
I’d suggest a private talk between the two of you about what he said and how you potentially feel the same and you’d appreciate some sober conversations from now on!
Post # 5
So I tried to talk to him about it tonight, and didn’t really get much of a response. He now thinks he might remember the whole conversation, but also thinks it might be a false memory. I’m just going to leave it at that and not over-analyze, but I do think he remembers. Also, apparently he doesn’t believe in “the one,” rather that there are many “ones” out there. That’s confusing. Lol.
I think I’m going to think about it the way @JulesSchnooks described it (unless someone else has a better idea). The thoughts probably crossed his mind at some point, and he’s trying to feel out whether he’s in it for the long haul and whether I’m in it for the long haul. He admitted to being scared about the LDR, so I know that that’s crossing his mind for sure.
I think that my attempt at distancing myself from what happened backfired, and that he might think I’m scared. I tried to fix it, but it didn’t work, and I’m not trying again. Lol, one thing I know with almost 100% certainty is that he has to be scared. He was terrified of falling in love with me in the first place, and now he’s bringing up the idea of “the one,” which he apparently doesn’t even believe in (or doesn’t want to admit that he believes in).
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
@goodasitgets: I agree that he was probably testing out the waters but probably feels too self conscious to admit to it while sober and is reverting back to logic when he says all the stuff about “many ones” blah blah blah. He might feel a little embarassed that he spoke so boldly if you told him that it scared you. What has always worked with my Fiance is to step away from that situation, accept it as it is, and move on. So instead of trying to backpedal and convince him that you’re not scared, etc. just make your future actions show him that you want a future together.
This may have been a good thing for you because he opened the door to saying things like that. Maybe now you can make comments that show that you are happy he said what he did, and are on the same page. Now that he said that, he also might think it was his idea =)
Chances are that he really does feel that way, though!