- Sparkle Pony
- 6 years ago
- Wedding: December 2012
This might be kind of long – but I really need unbiased opinions so please bear with me… 🙂
I am not close with my father. I don’t really even like him that much. He’s very self-centered and self-absorbed and he wasn’t very kind to my mom (who I’m very close with) growing up. (edit:: my parents are divorced, just fyi) I know he loves me – or he says so anyhow, but he never does anything to show it and he’s done some things that led to us not speaking for about 4 years.
Due to my younger brothers insistence, we reconnected last year. We live in two different states far away from each other and we’ve met for lunch/dinner like 3-4 times over the past two years.
I text him that I was engaged because my brother suggested it, and I wrote him and asked if he would help pay for anything for the wedding a few months later. I knew I wouldn’t get much from him but I gave him a list of a few items he could maybe pick from to pay for (nothing too expensive), and he wrote me back that he was happy for me but he has no money (which is a lie) and could maybe give me $500 AFTER the wedding. He went on to say that “this was the life he chose to lead as a musician so he’s not complaining about the lack of money because he’s happy”. This is part of my huge annoyance with my father – if we ever needed or wanted something, we couldn’t have it. But he has the newest and the best of everything… no joke.
So anyhow, I brushed it off. Didn’t feel the need to reply and we haven’t talked since. My older brother will be walking me down the aisle and my little brother will be dancing with me. I want these events to be meaningful and I don’t think my dad should get to come in and be all boastful and father of the year like (which he WILL act like) when he wasn’t a great parent to begin with and didn’t contribute to the wedding at all.
Okay – so thats the backstory and here’s my problem. We’re paying for most of this ourselves and any monetary help is beyond appreciated. My mom thinks I should ask my dad to pay for something again but I a) dont want to because I feel like he’ll say no and I’ll be pissed or b)I feel like maybe it’s rude to ask him to pay for something and not have him do any of the father stuff…
also… and I know this is going to sound unbelievably bratty but I assure you if anyone else did this i WILL NOT CARE – I am going to be SUPER pissed if we don’t get a gift from him after we invite him to our wedding and have to pay $149 just for him to eat. I’m being serious when I say that if my uncle or friend or anyone else didn’t give us anything and came – I’d be fine with it, because more than anything I just want them there. But with my dad, I could care less kind of and will really be annoyed that I paid for him….
sooooo, I guess I need advice in general… and I’m sorry this is so long but I had to get it off my chest so it’s in internet world. :/
Do I ask him to buy a necklace for me (this one, not cheap, but pretty cheap considering thats all he’d contribute to the entire wedding: http://www.etsy.com/listing/89211631/liz-multi-strand-pearl-and-crystal)? Do I not ask him and hope he gets us a gift so I’m not enraged with him? Do I just not invite him at all?
I need help bees. 🙁 Why can’t all dad’s just be awesome? 🙁