(Closed) Proper Invitation-Mailing Proceedures..

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 4
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

1a. I haven’t mailed magnet STD’s myself, but I would imagine you could stick them in a nice, inexpensive blank card.  STD’s are much less formal than invitations.  Depending on how many of those you have to send out, you could even write a short personal note on the notecard (“Hi Aunt Sue! Save the date! We miss you!  xoxo,” etc)

1b. I think it’s better in general to handwrite addresses than to print them or use labels.  It’s more personal and I believe it’s more favored in terms of etiquette – just make sure you write neatly.  πŸ™‚

2a. Strictly speaking, each adult guest/couple is supposed to receive their own invitation – so yes, it would be one for grandad, one for aunt/uncle, one for cousin 1, and one for cousin 2.  I don’t find this particularly earth-friendly, but it’s what etiquette dictates.  Honestly, depending on the level of formality of your event and your family, if you wanted to get away with sending one invite for all persons living at one house, I’m sure you could.  The past couple weddings I’ve been to for some of our cousins, they sent one invite to my parents’ house for the whole family, even though my siblings and I are adults and half of us live out of the house.  I didn’t even think anything of it.

2b. I think that since STD’s are much less formal, you can definitely get away with sending one per house.  They’d probably be like, “WTF are we going to do with four of these magnets??”  πŸ™‚

Hope this helps!

Post # 5
Member
4583 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ok, so here’s my take:

1a. I don’t think it’s necessary to wrap your magnets unless they’re clearly visible through the envelope. If you want, maybe just wrap them in a nice piece of tissue paper.

1b. Nope. If you have decent penmanship, you’re fine.

2a. Unfortunately, proper etiquette does state that you would send four separate invitations in this scenario. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but that’s how to do it “properly.”

2b. I think sending one Save the Date would be just fine, unless it’s a multi-family home (each person with a fridge may want to display your Save the Date!)

Post # 6
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Hi Joeyness,

I’m not the expert on etiquette, but Fiance and I sent simple cardstock invitations in envelopes that were a bit see through.  We just turned the invitation so that the printing was at the back and the blank side was under the address.  I handwrote a lot of the addresses.  It tends to add a handmade feel, which is very in for more informal events, which ours is.  We had some people who are at the same address, so we sent one invitation.  Not only does this save money, you can just say that you are trying to be “green.”  You could always fold a small piece of cardstock over the magnet.  We got three packs with 100 pieces of cardstock for about $8 when it was 1/2 off at Hobby Lobby.  Hope this helps.  Besides, if they are all at the same address, they only have one refridgerator.

Post # 7
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Agree with Melanie.  We are more informal in our familes so I sent 1 invite per household. 

Post # 8
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

1a.  My initial thought was to do a few ‘test’ mailings.  Check this thread out as well (you might want to do a search for others, as I’m sure this topic has been talked about before).

save the date magnets – problems mailing via USPS?

 

1b.  it’s actual more proper/formal to handwrite  πŸ™‚

2.  All adults at the same address would get a separate piece of mail.  So, grandpa gets his own, and FI’s Aunt/Husband get’s their own.  And the adult kids get their own (especially if they get a +1).  So, yes – 4 to one address.

2b.  The STD is so the person knows to STD.  It wouldn’t be the worst offense to address the STD to everyone – but if you do it separately, everyone knows what to expect.

2c.  The only other option is to mail one and address it to everyone.  And, then you could verbally tell the adult cousins they can bring their SO.

 

Post # 9
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

@joeyness11: What a smart girl you are, to ask questions right at the beginning of the process instead of waiting until you have a problem to deal with!

RE: “Save the Dates”. These are a new-fangled innovation, and aren’t a piece of formal or traditional correspondence. You can use them if and how you like. Formal etiquette maintains that you shouldn’t flaunt parties in front of people (and the letter-carrier is a person!) who aren’t invited; so save-the-date notices hidden inside an invitation are in better taste than such notices sent on a post-card. You can cut a stack of origami or scrap-book paper to about the size of your envelope, and slip that in beside the magnet’s printed side, to serve as a privacy liner if you like.

Invitations: These have two parts: outer, and inner. The outer layer is a contract between you and the post-office, telling the post office where to deliver the contents and paying for that service. Put the stamp, the address, the return address where the post-office tells you to, and use the spellings and numeric formats that the post office expects. Etiquette does not supercede the postal regulations. Use your friends’ formal names on this outer layer, because your friends are NOT on a first-name basis with the post office. Don’t bust a gut over whether to hand-address or ink-jet print the addresses on this outer layer, because the other party to the document — the post-office — only cares that they be legible. Feel free to ignore etiquette mavens who tell you they “must” be hand-addressed; though if you like hand-addressing envelopes, you are allowed to feel smug and superior as long as you do not act smug and superior.

The inner part tells WHO is inviting WHOM to WHAT, WHEN, and WHERE. “Who” (i.e. the hosts), “what” (your wedding), “when” and “where” are normally engraved (or nowadays, printed) on the invitation itself. If your invitations have a write-in line on them, then “whom” may be hand-written there; if not then you will need an “inner envelope” on which to write the names of your invitees. I am telling you this so that you can think ahead, and if you decide to be environmentally correct and forego inner envelopes, you can order the right wording. A write-in line looks like this:

Miss Joey Ness
requests the pleasure of the company of
.                                                        <— hand-write the names here
at her wedding to ….

You can invite both members of a co-habiting couple and all their dependent children on the same invitation. Adults who are not co-habiting partners get their own invitation, even if they live with other adult guests. HOWEVER, since all those invitations are going to the same place, you only need to enter into one contract with the post office. Fill out the separate invitations (or, address the separate inner envelopes if you aren’t using a write-in line) and then put them all together in the same outer envelope. Address the outer envelope to whomever in that household is the nominal “head of house”. Your communication to all the children, live-in grandfathers, adult offspring and so on are assumed to be “in care of” that person or couple.

Note that, in the U.S., it is traditionally correct to address the outside envelope to “Mr. and Mrs. Head Ofhouse” (regardless of whether there are additional invitees named on the inside); whereas in the other English-speaking countries it is traditionally correct to address the outside envelope to only “Mrs Head Ofhouse” (even when the inner invitation includes her husband.)

 

Post # 10
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

As for the large household, I’d go with how you feel is best, instead of just sticking to the “rule” for the sake of rules. In our case, the large households were all on my fiance’s side, so I asked him what he wanted. He had definite opinions about his grandmother (“She’s the head of the family, she gets her own”) but didn’t really care about uncles/aunts with adult children (“Just send them one, it’s ok”)…. I just did whatever he wanted. That way if they don’t like it, they can blame him! πŸ™‚

Whatever you do, there will be someone who thinks you didn’t do it the “proper” way. I say to that, whatever. You’re inviting people to a wedding, not a state dinner.

Post # 11
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

@Mrs.Oat: 

You’re inviting people to a wedding, not a state dinner.

lolz.  πŸ™‚

I think this is a good attitude to have in general.

Post # 13
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@GreenGables: I’m trying to live by the “unless you’re going to become the Duke and Duchess of something after the wedding, it doesn’t really matter” rule.

@joeyness11: Just one question about the magnets – are they pretty weak magnets? Unless they are, an extra card around them might be a good idea to help keep the envelopes from sticking together!

Post # 14
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

@Mrs.Oat:

Although, really, the etiquette for state dinners and ducal receptions is no different from the etiquette for dinners at most faculty clubs and professional associations. Or from every day meals at the Aspasia Phipps household. Once you have given a handful of sit-down dinners and receptions for larger guest-lists of mixed generations, you start to see the sense of a lot of details that the less experienced hostess just blows off.

Hand-writing your outside envelopes (or even your “write-in lines”, in this age of print-merge software) is, however, NOT one of those details that makes sense. Anyone who imagines that maintaining a merge-list of their social acquaintanceship doesn’t take personal care and individual attention, has never done it.

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