Post # 1
“It doesn’t count cause you’re not married yet” “It’s common” “It’s natural to feel like you’re about to be tied down so it’s ok to have a fling before you get married.”
I posted earlier about my sister’s wedding (took it down bc it was too specific to live in internet land forever). She’s having second thoughts and is considering calling it off. I knew she was interested in another guy and spending an inordinate amount of time with him, but she told me today she actually hooked up with someone else recently. She said she knew this was “bad” but then again she said some people told her the comments I listed above. (There’s also other reasons them getting married is questionable.)
This is bananas right? Or no big deal? If she goes through with it, I just don’t get it. I want to say if she does have it I won’t be the Maid/Matron of Honor cause I feel like this whole marriage is a joke, but I don’t want to make a bad situation worse. At the same time when I picture something like a Maid/Matron of Honor speech I can’t imagine what I would be able to genuinely say! ugh!!! Would you be able to stand up in a wedding you didn’t believe in at all? Would you pretty much do it anyway cause it’s your sister (‘s funeral)?
Post # 2
- Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa
chillinchillin: to quote gwen stefani: “This shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S!”
I kind of get where people are coming from when they make those comments- it’s not like we know beofre we start dating someone that it’s our last chance to screw a bunch of randoms. But the actual execution is insanity. I can’t believe that someone who is actually ready to get married and commit their life to someone would cheat on the same person they claim to be madly in love with. It just doesn’t add up.
When I first got engaged, sure, I had some thoughts about some people I wondered what it would have been like to have sex with, but never did I actually consider following through to find out.
I don’t know what else to say, I’m aghast.
Post # 3
chillinchillin: It’s ok… if her fiance is ok with it. You could tell her to tell him and ask how he feels about it.
I would have trouble being Maid/Matron of Honor too. Yeah, I’d probably decline.
Post # 4
I read your other post about your sister… my god this is crazy.
Unfortunately she’s an adult and is able to make her own decisions.
I usually detest when people decline to be in the bridal party merely because of a dislike for groom/bride but in your situation I think it is absolutely allowed. She is the one who brought you into the relationships problems by telling you that, so I think you have a right to turn back around and say well how am i meant to keep this a secret while standing next to you as you marry this guy?
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2014 - Stevens Estate
Yeah..not cool. Your sister is bananas if she goes through with the wedding. And I don’t blame you for not wanting to be her Maid/Matron of Honor…knowing what you know…that would make one uncomfortable wedding for you to sit through.
Post # 6
chillinchillin: Personally yes, I think its insanity. So the day before your wedding its fine, but 24 hours later its not? What about the notion that marriage is more than just a piece of paper? to say it doesn’t count because you’re not married totally flies in the face of that.
To me, if you’re in a committed relationship with someone, you should NOT be sleeping around (if that’s an agreement between the two of you then that’s a different story) but in your average monogamist relationship, that sh*t wouldn’t fly with me.
Personally, I think those people are just letting your sister feel ok about something that really isn’t. And I can totally understand why you wouldn’t want to be celebrating their marriage because it certainly doesn’t seem like they should be making that commitment! Your sister needs to make a decision. Either she’s in the relationship, or she’s not. She can’t have her cake and eat it too.
Post # 7
nessdawwg: thanks for reading the other one! this is getting out of hand! i had to make another post to get some advice bc i am like uhhhhhhhhh
i just don’t get what marriage means to a person that would be doing this. not to condemn anyone that’s ever had some issues and made a mistake, but to not only perpetrate one-night physical cheating, but an ongoing emotional relationship?? i just feel like wake up and smell the you’re-obviously-not-satisfied-in-your-relationship!!! It DOESN’T get better or easier after marriage!!
thanks for your comments bees!
Post # 8
Fiance would dump my cheating ass in a hot second if I did that (and I’d do the same). I’ve heard of “last fling before the ring” but it shouldn’t be a an affair
Post # 9
Laurenplusalex: chyeah same here! she said they have agreed before that if the other cheated that it wouldn’t be the end. (yeah me Fiance and I have the opposite agreement lol.) but if it’s so cool and fine why doesn’t she tell him then right, hah
Post # 10
a fling with another person while you are with dating/engaged is cheating. This is crazy thought!
Post # 11
chillinchillin: I don’t get why you’d WANT a fling if you were getting married. (General “you” not YOU personally). Isn’t marriage about committing to someone you love and want to be with the rest of your life? Not a jail sentence.
Post # 12
Yup, that’s bananas IMO. Your last fling was BEFORE you became serious with the person you are marrying. You’re not single, and you haven’t been since you became a couple with that person.
Post # 13
Ok question if she is in her 30s and he In his 40s and they make 80k a year and she’s saying she’s gonna buy a Mercedes why in the hell are your parents going to pay 10k towards their wedding!??? I think the fi needs to know about the cheating and your parents need to tell her they dont have the money to support a marriage that will more than likely end up in divorce. im sure if mommy and daddy back out on paying for the wedding she probably won’t even have one!
Post # 14
chillinchillin: ah! She obviously doesn’t want to marry this guy. If you ‘have a fling’ you ‘re basically cheating… they need to break up now before it’s a marriage and harder to get out of!!! I’d tell her not to do it, personally. At least you would have spoken your mind and given her the best advice you could.
Post # 15
Yeahhhh, just because they aren’t technically married doesn’t mean it isn’t cheating. Your sister has some issues.