A friend thinks I'm being abused?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
4858 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yeah that’s abuse. Abusers don’t change and they don’t care. They only escalate. You need to get out, but getting away from abusers can be dangerous. Enlist the help of friends and family, don’t be alone with him again and never ever look back. 

Just to clarify, because I know abuse it hard to see when you’re so close to it: this is not even in the gray area of abuse. This is immediate danger. Please get help. 

Post # 3
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee

I didn’t even get through the first paragraph before I knew it was abuse. Sounds like both physical & emotional. Run now!!!

Post # 4
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1995

WOW — yes, I’d agree with your friend.  I can’t imagine arguing over the water temperature, nor it escalating to include hitting and breaking things.

Get out now!  It’s only going to get worse.  There is no way I’d marry him.  

Post # 5
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Yes, that does sound abusive. If  he can’t control his temper to the point of smacking you aside and breaking dishes over something dumb, he could dial it up a notch. Especially if you marry him,  at which point he’ll feel that he doesn’t have to restrain himself because it’s much harder for you to just walk away.

Post # 6
Member
2223 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Yes that is abuse.  And if he’s already invading your space, punching things, and using objects to hit you, it’s almost guaranteed to escalate to full-fledged physical abuse.

The part about “things going back to normal afterwards” is a very standard part of abusive behavior – the Cycle of Abuse.

Read this link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cycle_of_abuse

ETA: also, I just want to note that this is not normal or standard.  Most men don’t treat the women they love like this.  You deserve better, as do all women.

Post # 7
Member
2789 posts
Sugar bee

Definitely abuse. 

Post # 8
Member
4260 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

That is certainly not normal, and sad to me that you think it is.  This is not a healthy relationship.  Do not marry this person, and get a restraining order when you break up with him.  And I do hope you break up with him.

Post # 9
Member
9172 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

there is also verbal and emotional abuse. 

Post # 10
Member
1300 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with everything PP said. This is abuse. As you’ve noticed, his outbursts have escalated and will continue to do so. In the case of abusers it’s only a matter of time before the violence towards inanimate objects turns to you. 

Post # 11
Member
5049 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

“It has never occured to me to label any of this as “abuse” because I’m not being physically hurt”

YET!  This type of aggression is usually an indication that a person’s reaction/behavior will progress.  This is absolutely abusive, not healthy nor normal.  I would not consider marrying someone who handles conflict in such a hostile manner.  Do you really want that in a partner and future husband?

Post # 12
Member
2181 posts
Buzzing bee

Yes it is abuse. I can understand where you are coming from. I didn’t realize my husband was emotionally & verbally abusing me until I posted a vent on here and every response was that it was abuse. I didn’t even ask that question, but it was true. I was shocked and ended up doing a lot of research and found it was true. 

Here is the link to my post from earlier this year: https://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/not-sure-what-i-want/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/traversing-the-inner-terrain/201609/when-is-it-emotional-abuse 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Physical_abuse

 

Please look into some of these links. Please read as much as you can about what you are experiencing. Read about healthy relationships, ways of communicating effectively, anything and everything that pertains to you. 

He needs help dealing with his emotions in a healthy way, and you need a healthy space to deal with your emotions as well. Him getting so angry at you for crying that you go look at a wall is serious bee. This is emotional, psychological, verbal AND physical abuse. Please talk to someone about this, get more information, and make a plan on how you can get out of this relationship at least for now. 

Both of you have so much work to do to heal, before either can be in a healthy relationship. 

Please reach out to me via private message if you need to talk, I can listen. 

 

Post # 13
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

This is definitely abuse bee. Abuse doesn’t have to be only physical, there is verbal and emotional abuse. By the way it sounds, it could very much turn into physical abuse down the line. Do you really want to stick around when that happens? :/ 

Post # 14
Member
4910 posts
Honey bee

I’m sorry bee that sounds very much like abuse. I would start off by calling an abuse hotline and delete that call from your history. Just to get some advice and talk about it. Take care, keep us posted. 

Post # 15
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

smashing things….punching the door

what happens when inanimate objects wonʻt satisfy his rage anymore?

GET OUT NOW. RUN.

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