A friend thinks I'm being abused?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 91
428 posts
Helper bee

 Do It let him move in. Please end it as soon as you can. This is abuse. 

Post # 92
241 posts
Helper bee

XxangelicaxX :  yes it’s abuse. 100% abuse. And it’s escalating.

Post # 93
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

My dear bee that is abuse and it looks like it is esclating. Sometimes its very hard to see it when you in it. My ex used to grab me and shake me, throw things at  me and push me. I used to make excuses for him. I  tried to rationalize it away. I didnt see it as being abuse because he never hit me. I am very lucky it never esclated to that point and that I was able to escape him.

You need to get away from your fiance and fast but please becareful leaving a domestic abuse situation can be dangerous. This guy is esclating already it will only get worse and the fact that he hit you in the ribs with a shoe is a giant red flag that it will get worse.

Guys who abuse women like this do not get better, they do not nor will not stop. He has already gotten violent with you. He has already shown by screaming in your face that he does not care about you. He is dangerous.


Post # 94
3881 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

meredith13 :  Is there anything the bees can do to help you get away from your husband?  You deserve so much more than that.  

Post # 95
1127 posts
Bumble bee

XxangelicaxX :  As someone who frequently volunteers with domestic abuse victims, I can tell you that this will only escalate. Now he’s breaking a glass. It’s only a matter of time before he’s breaking your ribs. 

Post # 96
354 posts
Helper bee

A friend thinks you’re being abused – YOU ARE. He’s hitting walls and breaking stuff now. It’s only a matter of time until he’s hitting YOU and breaking YOU. 

I realize this thread is 7 months old now – any update Bee?

Post # 97
3061 posts
Sugar bee

XxangelicaxX :  Yep.

I know it’s hard to see because i didn’t. I thought the same as you “it’s not physical, i yell too – it’s both of us”. But it started with him punching walls when he was upset and i have never in my life fought with someone like that – i honestly have no idea how it even got to that point in my life where it seemed normal to have screaming matches with someone. He was the sweetest person when he wasnt mad, but when he was he was SO petty and did everything he could to make me feel bad. 

Anyway, i never had any bruises or anything. When it was physical, it was kind of pushing and pulling (which is still abuse! there is no reason for physical contact at all during an argument unless its hugging to make up). But i always excused it in my head – i made him mad, i tried to grab him when he left, he didnt mean to push me off, it was my fault i fell to the ground.

and over the years it graduated to him choking me while i was driving and stopped at a stop sign. 

Post # 98
31 posts

missinthecity :  Thank you for asking. It’s complicated and at this point I feel like I’ve really painted myself into a corner and I’m stuck. I’m trying to take some classes and find a better job with full benefits to have a chance to get back on my feet. I sacrificed my career along with everything else for my husband. Because I am an idiot. And now I’m in a bad position without a lot of options. I don’t see a future for myself but I’m just trying to take it a day at a time. 

Post # 99
3881 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

meredith13 :  You are not an idiot bee.  It sounds like you are doing what you can to get back on your feet and that is so important.  Please try not to blame yourself.  

Post # 100
4532 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

meredith13 :  You are not an idiot. You are someone who thought the person they loved would do the right thing by you. 

I’m glad you’ve seen the situation for what it is and are trying to do something to improve your financial future and ability to earn a better income to support yourself but honestly I think you would be much safer doing this out and away from your husband’s abuse. Please reach out to associations and groups that deal with domestic  abuse in your area who can advise you and help you get out safely.

Please take care of yourself and reach out as much as you can to others. Also remember you are strong and smart. Many people do not see their situation for what it is and very few have the courage to reach out or leave. Keep us updated on your situation. You matter and people care. Let us know what area you are in and many bees may be willing to help or have suggestions on where to seek help based on your geography.

PM me if you need or are feeling low and just need to talk to someone. You need a network right now. Don’t be afraid to reach out xx

Post # 101
11595 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015


meredith13 :  he is the idiot.

You are the decent person who got taken by the idiot, but that is only temporary. Whereas he is stuck being an idiot abuser for the rest of his life. 

Hang in there, bee, and keep coming back to let us know how you are. Things will get better, seriously. Many of have BTDT and are here to tell the stories. You’re not alone.


Post # 102
5043 posts
Bee Keeper

Has there been an update? Are you ok? 

Post # 103
59 posts
Worker bee

Please do not stay with this man. It will only get worse. he doesnt love you, and you do not deserve this. 

Post # 104
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

This is crazy. HE IS CRAZY. He is abusive. 


Post # 105
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Yes it’s abuse but it is also worrying that he has uncontrollable anger issues. Smashing glass, punching walls and cars is NOT at all normal behaviour or acceptable. If he can’t control himself and flies into a rage over small things then odds are it will progress to hitting you one day or heaven forbid any children you have. He needs to go sort himself out but it’s not your job to help him, he needs to recognise that he has a problem on his own. I would leave, who wants to live with that for the rest of their life. Especially when you aren’t married yet. 

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