Post # 32
@bestbuddies: I know they didn’t end on good terms (though since she was the one stringing, she probably doesn’t resent him). DH’s ex reached out to him right before the wedding in a “what if I hadn’t pushed you away, would it have been me getting married right now.” Now, they do talk occasionally, and Darling Husband told her, “no it wouldn’t have been, we weren’t right for each other or you would’ve wanted to date me and I wouldn’t have been miserable.” Which is the truth.
But sometimes, and I think we can all relate, when our lives aren’t going as we planned, we wonder “what if?” What if we had given that guy a chance, to gone to school, or moved, or whatever.
I do think it’s weird that she actually messaged him instead of just stalking his fb through mutual friends or something more anonymous. But I don’t think she’s trying to “get back in his life” so much as get herself some closure on how he’s changed or wasn’t right for her, so she can understand why he’s happily married and she’s still drunk at 2 a.m. fb-messaging exes.
Post # 33
Its interesting to read everyones thoughts on this topic. To me, I think it is inappropriate to private message an ex or really any man who is married on facebook (that you have an emotional past with-especially their circumstances). Obviously, there are certain circumstances where it would be acceptable.
Also I think it is extremly inappropriate to keep trying to contact him via facebook multiple times when he have not responded (like i mentioned, this is her 4th attempt). I am not sure most of you read that part. One message not as big of a deal…but 4? all saying similar things?
Thanks everyone for your responses!
Post # 34
I guess I’m of the opinion that it is not inappropriate to private message an ex or any other marriend man on facebook. She doesn’t seem like she is trying to lure him or anything, and fully acknowledges his marriage. We all have pasts, and people we could have had romantic relationships with that did not end up that way. It doesn’t mean our older, more mature selves can’t now be friends or even just an acquaintance with the other person without lingering romantic feelings.
Obviously, we liked them for something in the past. I guess I’m the type of person that will take all the positive energy around me that I can have. I would have no problem if my Darling Husband wanted to start talking to his exes.
Post # 35
@bestbuddies: It is interesting to hear all the perspective on this…I’m surprised most people wouldn’t begin to get irritated after a 4th attempt to get in touch with your husband…That’s a little bit TOO much for me, even if it appears harmless. I have had exes contact me out of the blue and even have one still on FB because we ended up becoming “amicable”, but I haven’t been getting “how are you? I’m curious about you!” letters since getting engaged…as in…time to move on! lol. From the tone of the letter, your husband has clearly been out of touch with her and I think it was really awesome that he told you about the letter. I think that says a lot about your relationship (that he is honest with you, and you don’t immediately get mad at him if he tells you something you don’t want to hear.) I think maybe it’s time to just facebook block this chick (she wouldn’t know) and move on…obviously you have a great guy for her to still be curious about him, so at least you can be proud of that! 🙂
Post # 36
This “seems” harmless but the crazy girl in me thinks that could be her plan to make him feel comfortable in contacting her back.. (him thinking she is just being friendly and she isnt interested) but I think if he does respond she could start being inappropriate etc, She obviously wants to talk to him and is intrequed about the current events in his life (him getting married) I would just hope he doesnt respond it could give her the wrong idea. Again thats just the crazy girl in me talking lol
Post # 37
I think the most important thing how FH handles it. He cannot control what she wants or does, but he immediately forwarded you the message. As long as he continues to make good choices, I don’t think it matters what she wants or does.
Post # 38
Just sounds like shes full of remorse because you and your husband are so happy, she probably now sees him as the one that got away. If your husband is forwarding these messages to you, its obvious he has not interest in contacting her back.
Meh, hes with you for a reason. She is where she is for a reason – she will move on.
Post # 39
@als87: yeah, I agree with you! Darling Husband and I are very honest with eachother. We really dont keep anything from eachother since we have been together. I really appreciate the fact taht he always sends her messages to me too. I know he is not responding and it is best that he does not (because we are not sure of her intentions).
@spaneshal: I agree. My main concern is her intentions. From what I know, she is a bit of a “crazy one” 🙂
@SoupyCat: wow. you are a better lady than me. I could not handle Darling Husband being in contact with an EX. I get pretty jealous easily. We both still have FB friends that are ex’s but we dont talk to them…just no reason to delete them…
@merrylee: DH thinks she is nuts and wants nothing to do with her. She has tried to contact him 4 times in 4 years (not a lot over time but you would think she would get the hint). Once he got to really know her when they hung out he realized that she was not the kind of person he wanted to have in his life. He found out that she had been dating some other guy the entire time they were talking long distance. He did not find this out until he drove 6 hours to meet her. So that shortly discribes the type of person she was. So, he does not want anything to do with her irregradless of him even being married.
@DesireeAnne: that sucks. I am glad that he closed his account so it wont happen again though. I totally agree with leaving the past in the past. Unless you feel you need to apologize to the person for closure what is the point? MOVE ON!
Post # 40
I think it is awesome your Darling Husband sent you the message right away…obviously you guys have a solid honest relationship. A similar thing happend a couple months ago to me when a woman my SO worked with like 20 years ago called him. She left a creepy message that he let me listen to. WTF…I told him to call her back so he did while I was there…she would not tell him how she got his number (she works for the hospital he uses as his primary care…we assume that how she got the number…ick). She just kept telling him that she was a ‘single mom’ looking to get back ‘out there’…whatever that means. My SO said how wonderful his life is with me and my daughter now…blah, blah, blah. He ended the conversation after about 5 minutes becasue he was annoyed that she would not tell him how she got his number. That was the last we heard from Dorris. She was probably just lonely. I was mildly annoyed hut had not thought about it until I read your post.
Post # 41
@misskittykakes: wow. that is annoying and super creepy actually. Yes, Darling Husband and I have an extremly open and honest relationship. Sounds like you and your SO do too 🙂
Post # 42
it def seems harmless since your dh is so open with you and so clearly uninterested. it really doesn’t matter what her attentions are, since he’s yours anyway 😛 it is annoying though that she can’t take a hint and keeps trying to contact him. i bet she’s just lonely and looking for attention. i had an ex who would email me like once a month trying to get a response, and it was always just so much worse if i responded (then he’d write me more frequently…) that i had to ignore the messages even though it felt really rude to ignore them…
Post # 43
The fact that it was sent at 2AM is irrelevant to me. I’m the type that emails and Facebooks typically ater 11PM up until the early morning if I’m up (like 4-6am). I’m a nightowl like that. I dont’ think she was drunk at all, just being nosey. As long as you Darling Husband was honest and sent it to you, there is nothing to worry about. Who knows whatever her motivation is. who cares. you hubby certainly doesn’t. Its a moot issue.
Post # 44
that’s not that bad at all. she just seems like she’s genuinely happy for him and wanted to say congrats. the only iffy comment was that she said she was ‘intrigued” by the news. why would this intrigue her?
anyway don’t lose sleep over it. i wouldn’t even expect my husband to tell me something like that because it’s not even remotely threatening and i know that he would probably just delete it and not respond. or he’d respond with a generic and one sentence response like, “thanks! yea i’m super happy. take care”. lol
we have a rule that we will just ‘handle it’ the way we would want each other to handle it and i always trust him to do just that. i don’t need to know that his ex contacted him. i don’t care. just handle it and that’s it.
Post # 45
@bestbuddies: OK … I totally did something like that year and years ago when my ex got engaged to the girl after me … He kind of broke my heart and it was a blow to hear that he was engaged. A sad jealous little girl inside of me wanted to reach out and seem like a “better” person, to congratulate him, and maybe somehow let him know I was OK with it. It was a completely selfish desperate weak act on my part and now that I think about it … TOTALLY EMBARRASSING! OH … and of course my message was at post-bar times too … alcohol is a cold bitch sometimes.
I don’t think you should be concerned at all – it’s just his ex having a silly sad moment.
Post # 46
When HeFlutter and I first started dating, he was also seeing this girl who was FLAKY to the extreme. She stood him up, ignored him on dates, and was very wishy-washy about making plans to get together. He dropped her like a bad habit when he saw that things between us were getting serious (about 3 years ago), but she still calls or texts every couple of months. His phone says who’s calling when it rings, and every once in a while we hear it go, “Call from MS FLAKY…” We sort of look at eachother and laugh and go, “Are you joking?! She must want help getting out of a ticket or something…”