- 4 years ago
So I made a post a day or so ago about the fact that I am entering what is looking like another bad period of frustration and anxiety. After reading some kind words from other bees, and realizing that I am likely misappropriating some of that anxiety (i.e. making myself think its about not being engaged, when it is in fact anxiety over something else). I decided to put it all out of my mind.
Enter a dear friend of mine, in my office (I have an on campus job that came with a private office) with SO and myself, organically bringing up engagement (she was talking about herself and her SO, not being engaged, but that she wanted to be soon) and then she asked me something about engagement, and rings, etc.
I kind of wanted to hit her, for bringing it up in front of my SO (because we had just had a non-productive and very frustrating heart-to-heart a few days ago) but it actually ended up being a really good talk. After my friend left my office, SO and I started talking a bit, and he said something that surprised me; “I’ve always imagined myself getting married around 30” — WOAH, what!? He has NEVER said that to me before, and we’ve talked marriage/engagement many times in the past. I asked him why he felt like I knew that information, because I thought maybe I hadn’t been listening, and he HAD said it before. He said “I thought it was just something you knew.”
While our timelines definitely don’t match up (as in, I wanted kids by 30, and a wedding closer to 26) I can see that this is definitely progress. I’m not going to pester him about it, but as we get older, he might realize he doesn’t want to wait until 30, and I might want to wait until 30 instead of 26. But one thing I do know, is that he actually thinks about it, and not just when I “make him” by bringing it up. To me this feels monumental. Did anyone else ever have an experience like this?
In case anyone is wondering, this is the guy for me. Even if I don’t WANT to wait until 30, if that’s what he truly ends up wanting, I will wait that long, for him. Before people try to say I’m attempting to push him into something so I can get married, and have no interest in him.