Post # 1
So I’m getting married in July and I’m excited and was excited to share this with my girls. When I got engaged I called my two best girlfriends that night in Hawaii to tell them. They were supper excited so I thought we’d be in this together.
Some background, my Maid/Matron of Honor has been having a hard time conciving and finally is due in Nov after a miscarraige last year. I’m over the moon for her I honestly am, I’m helping her sister plan the surprise shower and making her cake. I know he’ll make a wonderful mother.
Thing is.. I’m feeling a little let down lately as things are all about her soon to be baby and I’ve had to do pretty much everything so far on my own. I feel guilty for feeling this way but I’m not getting help from my mom and the other bridesmaids (one lives out of province) and the other works two jobs. I just feel like this was suppose to be my time and I feel like I ususally do doing things for everyone else but when I need it I’m on my own.
Sorry for the rant, I just ahd to get this off my chest. I love her so much I just wish she would be more involved.
Post # 3
no one as any thoughts on this?
Post # 4
This sounds like a difficult situation.
I don’t think that you are a bad person for feeling like this.
Do you think maybe she will be more involved once she has the baby? Maybe you could reach out to other bms through email? Just to get some of your planning off your chest and have some input.
You are both going through huge life changes and hopefully you can both be there for each other.
(also, as a bride, we want to start planning as soon as we can, but others only think that you need help as the date gets closer, so she might not even realize that you have started doing wedding stuff)
Post # 5
I know how you feel. I think this can happen for a variety of reasons. It’s tough to feel like you’re not getting the help and support you need during your special time.
One thing I can promise you is that when the wedding gets a little closer, it will be much easier for everyone to be involved and helping you. I had a long engagement and was at first disappointed by how my fiance and I seemed to be the only ones into our wedding. But that changed as the wedding got closer. It’s a little hard for the wedding to seem real to others when it’s still a little far off. I know it feels real and very soon to you and your FI–it always did for me, too–but I promise that everyone else will get there.
In the meantime, remember how much you love your Maid/Matron of Honor and how important she is to you, both before, during and even after your wedding.
Also, have you asked for help from your mom or other bridesmaids? Mine kinda waited till I asked for help and then jumped at the chance to be involved. 🙂
Post # 6
From someone who has had a miscarriage. She probably just really wants to take it easy. No stress, no drama, no work. I would really do the same. Its alright for you to feel this way though! I really wouldn’t bring it up to her, it might cause stress on her & that isn’t something anyone needs esp. someone who is pregnant. Also where she did have a miscarriage its probably more exciting to her & her family that she is finally this far along in her pregnancy, ect. I can tell you are truly happy for her, so don’t feel guilty for feeling this way! Maybe talk to some family members or other people involved about helping you out some more.
Post # 7
be there for your friend, i know you want the spotlight on you but you will have your time – once the baby is born in november and everyone has had a chance to celebrate people will start getting pumped for your wedding again – you have to remember that people normally aren’t as excited as you are for your own wedding at least until the wedding date gets closer and showers are planned and bachelorette parties. Be there for your friend just as you would want her to be there for you and hopefully she will be as your wedding date approaches.
i’m def more like you in the fact that it pleases me to help other people, and bottom line is not many people are as selfless as you or i can be. its a gift. seriously – i always saw it as a downfall of mine, im too nice or a do too much, but i’d much rather be that person than someone who doesnt think of others. stay true to yourself.
ill leave you with this: i love this quote and it can def fit with friendship as well as family-
“our family is a circle of strength and love, with every union and every birth our circle grows, every joy shared adds more love, and every crisis faced together makes our circle grow stronger”
Post # 8
I understand how you’re feeling. I’m not personally going through the exact same thing, but FCIL got engaged when she found out Fiance and I were and rushed us down the aisle. For the longest time, I thought nobody would acknowledge my wedding because it was all. about. her. Then, she got married and now everyone is helping me more/talking about my wedding. You’re just going to have to ride this one out (I know, it sucks) and just keep doing things on your own, or ask some of your other BMs or family members to help. Your friend is excited about her new baby, but also probably very nervous that something will go wrong (since it has before). After her baby is born and healthy, she may be willing to help you more. If not, just enlist others’ help, like I said.
Post # 9
@totheislnds: I totally agree with your statement. I have always been a selfless giver, but many people do not possess that gift. It is truly a gift. I do things for people and I don’t expect anything in return. I’d give someone the shirt off of my back! Yet, I am constantly disappointed to find that no one will do the same for me.
Post # 10
Well her baby is due way before your wedding so that is why the focus is on her and her baby right now. Plus, if she was having a hard time conceiving there is even more reason for everyone to be all about her pregnancy. I’m sure after she has the baby and adjusts to motherhood then it will be your turn to have the attention on you.
Post # 11
Thanks ladies, I really needed to get that off my chest. I’m sure things will turn out fine, just hard right now.
Post # 12
You’re still in the early stages of planning. So far most of the stuff I’ve done I could do myself or with my FI- I only just chose my BMs a week or two ago. As PPs said, November is a lot closer than July, and I’m sure that very early in 2012 your wedding will be coming up suddenly and you’ll get lots of help from your friends and family 🙂
Post # 14
OP, I totally get where you are coming from. We’ve been engaged since December, and FI’s family were all super excited and involved until FI’s brother got his girlfriend of a couple months pregnant and now it’s kind of by the wayside. I get it, and I know I shouldn’t be annoyed…but it’s annoying.
Hang in there, the way I figure it no one is ever incredibly excited about someone else’s wedding anyway- why take it personally?
Post # 15
I totally understand. I haven’t had any help from my mother or any bridesmaids–they’re all in different cities, so I really didn’t expect any. It still feels like I’m almost missing part of the experience by doing this all alone.