Post # 1
I had a rough weekend. I had a great time with the girls Friday, and on Saturday I met up with my BF and his family in their suburb. His brother, who is planning his wedding, was there with his fiance. I had a wonderful time talking about wedding things with his future SIL and mother! It was really a good night.
Sunday, though, I got a little sad. BF’s brother and fiance were dealing with a major venue issue that morning, and my BF and I were sitting on the couch while they worked it out with his mother. And my mind wandered. At that moment, I suppose I felt very far from being in that position myself. BF’s Future Sister-In-Law has been involved with the family for 8 years. She is also my age, and is a great person! But as I sat there, I wished it was me planning.
My BF knew something was wrong, but I just shut my eyes and held back the tears. I know he realized it must have been hard for me to hear all of this, because he said I am going to be a “beautiful bride” and told me how much he loved me.
I know he loves me, it was never a question of that.
Post # 3
I’m sorry that your weekend ended that way. I’m sure your BF knows how you were feeling, sometimes they know you so well that you don’t even have to say anything! Hopefully that time will come for you soon and you’ll have a great time with his family planning the wedding! Just think that your BF’s Future Sister-In-Law is doing all your research for you and she’ll be a big help when its your turn!
Post # 4
your time WILL come though, your bf is as good as promising it! Try to focus on enjoying this time for what it is – 1) a crash course in wedding planning as you get to watch her plan, and 2) you’ll never get to go back to ‘just’ dating once you’ve been married (or engaged), so enjoy it while you can!
Post # 5
🙁 I”m sorry. I totally feel for you.
Your man obviously loves you so much, and DOES want to marry you (you mentioned in another post that you’re just saving up, right?), so try to just focus on that. The thing about the wedding to remember is that it’s just one day (albeit, a fun one, but still…just one day) to celebrate the love and life you are planning together. And when you get down, just remember that you guys already have the love and are planning on sharing your life together, which is way more special than one party 🙂
Post # 6
mmmtacos – experiencing the same thing! it’s definitely hard to enjoy times with family and friends who are in the midst of wedding plans when it’s NOT you! I am completely empathizing. I am sending big hugs your way! All we can do is hang in there!
Post # 7
Awwww sorry to hear that. Just know that your time will come, and it will be super special! I know how tough it is though… 🙁
Post # 8
I know how that feels. I am glad to hear that he is so perceptive, I know that his acknowledgement doesn’t make things easier all the time, but it’s sweet. Your time will come, hopefully soon!! Sending you good thoughts and big hugs.
Post # 9
((HUGS)) I’m sure that is really difficult to go through. I am also sure that he is probably trying not to steal the thunder of his brother’s engagement and wedding planning. when is his brother getting married? perhaps you can drop a hint about how you read on line somewhere where a couple get their engagement secret until after the soon to be bride’s sister got married and how romantic they said it was to be secretly engaged, you know?
Post # 10
Not until May. I know he cares far too much about his brother to do anything sooner… though the comment earlier about the potential tackiness of “if one were to propose at someone else’s wedding…” threw me off.
I’m going to try my best to just enjoy this dating stuff. I feel like I’ve battled through some of the worst and most challenging relationships, and I’m due for my good karma. We are having a wonderful dinner at a formal restaurant next Monday (my birthday!), and trip to the USVI in December, whatever we can do on Valentine’s Day… and then our anniversary, and then the wedding. There is so much to look forward to, but I am still reminded occassionally of my naked finger.
I expect it to get worse as the wedding approaches. Probably the day of I’ll be a bit sad.
Oh well. Thanks for your support, everyone. I love my BF loves me terribly much, and it is good enough for me. I just wish for sparkly bling.
Post # 11
at mmmtacos (LOVE YOUR NAME) btw, trust me i know! i found out my younger cousin is now married and has moved on with the stage of her life that i am most looking forward to now, sigh oh well lol c’est la vie! enjoy this time with him because it’s going to be the last few times that you’ll be an unengaged couple. that sounds like such great advice huh, remind me of this come christmas after i am here bawling my eyes out with wine in hand because we didn’t get engaged on christmas. :D.. lol i’m serious though. i know it really doesn’t help, but it sounds like he is definitely thinking about it and is just buying time until his brother’s wedding.
Post # 12
It doesn’t sound like it’s a question of whether or not it will happen…just when. Is it something your boyfriend knows is important to you? Have you guys talked about a timeline? How about suggest if he’s not ready for the big bling, then get you some other sparkles for your birthday?
Honestly, I know how you feel. My little brother is getting married in 3 weeks. At first I had that funny “but I’m supposed to be first” feeling. Now, I agree with @jingle96…after watching them over the last few months, I’m glad that they’re doing all the hard work first. A lot of bumps along the way as he’s the first in my family to tie the knot.
Post # 13
Yes, we discussed the “timeline” which more or less had to do with when I want to try for children. I’m glad we had the discussion because what I found out was:
1. He thought I wanted to get engaged and get married within 8 months, like his brother, because when you get engaged you “might as well have the big party and get it over with.” I want to have a two year engagement to plan with ease.
2. He has no idea how to integrate his culture and religion with mine.
His brother is marrying someone outside of their religion and culture, so I am looking to see how they integrate the weddings. At least I am looking forward to that part of it!
Otherwise he knows I am ready, and I know he is trying to throw me off. But guys get lazy and “throwing me off” might equate to a year of waiting. Though last night he joked about getting engaged again.
He definitely knows what I like though! He came back from a trip a few months ago with beautiful 22K gold earrings. And my bday he bought me plane tickets and clothing. And for Christmas he bought us a vacation to USVI. I can’t complain. 🙂
Post # 14
So did you guys talk about the disconnect (quick and dirty engagement vs. slow and steady)?
What are the differences in your backgrounds?
Post # 15
Yep! Turns out he thought weddings could be planned on the fly, so he thought once we got engaged I would be “rarin’ to go”. I assured him I’d rather not lose my mind attempting to book venues and make decisions in such a short period of time. He also wanted to duplicate his friend’s wedding, until he found out the cost was about $90,000. I think at that point he realized we would benefit from the long engagement, though he still seemed perplexed why I would wait. Honestly, I want to bask in the engagement time as much as I can. I will also be in school during this time, so my resources will be limited.
His family is Persian/Muslim and mine is from a Christian background, though I feel more drawn to Hinduism and I’m incorporating a lot of Hindu and Pakistani elements in both my bridal design and accompanying preparations. We will be having a Christian ceremony, and then in the evening a reception with our Nikkah. I also want to have a sofreh aghd for the Persian side – I don’t think he even knows what that is though. 🙂
Post # 16
Aww..I totally sympathize with you! That kind of stuff is hard and sometimes painful. You want to be or atleast show you are happy for the couple but you can’t help getting sucked down into a pit of despair. This has happend to me many times. The first and worst time was when my bf (of two and half years at the time longer now) tells me his best friend was getting married after dating for six months and six months later was their wedding. It was like someone ripped my heart right out of my chest.
Atleast your guys knew what was wrong and tried to comfort you.