Post # 1
Member
1481 posts
Bumble bee
Hi All! So, I’m a new Bee, and by “new” I mean I’ve been lurking around on here for a few weeks but finally signed up! Lol. I just love all the positive vibes you gals (and guys) bring to the table! Anywho, what I really wanted to ask you all about is this…
In my very large family (I’m talking 26.5 first cousins), there is probably one relationship/marriage that I’d consider “successful”. Successful meaning not only do they take care of the kids and financials but they still love each other dearly after 14 years. Out of 16 aunts and uncles, 4 sets of grandparents, etc ONLY one!! And my SO has a similar situation; his family isn’t as large but none of them have had successful forever relationships.
On the other hand, our relationship is fantastic! We openly and honestly communicate without any judgemental issues, we talk about the past and the future (relationships and otherwise), calmly and understandingly discuss our feelings/problems, etc etc. I’m not trying to brag about how amazing our relationship is (although it is pretty great ;]), just point out that because both of our families have been constant role models of what we DON’T want, that we’ve figured out what we DO want and how a healthy relationship SHOULD be at an early age.
My question is, has anyone else found this to be true? Or have your familial relationships made it harder to have healthy romantic relationships? And how do you deal with jealous and/or rude comments made by jaded family members?
Post # 3
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Hi, and welcome! I know that my family is full of wonderful relationships that have lasted for years, but that my fiance’s family is pretty dysfunctional. The drama just keeps unfolding…but he and I have a great relationship. I am a little concerned about his mother when we have children, though…eek.
Post # 4
Member
8438 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Just something to keep in mind- one person dysfunctional is another persons functional!
It takes all kinds of different people with different views to makes this world such a wonderful place. So unless there is abuse occurring try not to judge others relationships by your standards. Some people choose to be happy people whilst others enjoy being miserable. Different strokes for different folks.
Post # 5
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I’m in this boat too. I finally snapped and asked my mom to go to therapy with me after years of catty passive aggressiveness towards my relationship. We start Wednesday…hopefully it helps!
Post # 6
Member
1576 posts
Bumble bee
MOST relationships start out wonderfully, or it wouldn’t be called love. I am sure most of the dyfunctional relationships seemed great at the beginning too. Many many things can happen in the course of a lifetime to “sour” a relationship!
Post # 7
Member
1481 posts
Bumble bee
@peachacid: Good luck! I am so terrified of my future mother in law lol.
@j_jaye: I absolutely agree with you! It has been a running joke in my family for years about how we “put the fun in dysfunctional” and I love my family to death, regardless of the choices they make. However, excessive dysfunction relationship-wise is in no way fun and I have witnessed many factions of my family been torn apart because of one person’s selfishness. Some examples; my paternal and step-paternal grandmothers have each been married four times, with every dissolution being the result of infidelity on their part. I have two aunts that have four children with four different fathers, and all of them cheated on their baby daddies. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family but some people will just never be happy.
@crayfish: I’m so sorry that your relationship with your mother has suffered because of what sounds like jealousy issues! I hope counseling helps!
@KT808: What you said is often true, however, in my family it is a little more obvious most of the time :/ lol. And maybe forever was the wrong word, but I believe that a marriage should last a lifetime (unless extenuating circumstances arise i.e. abuse, infidelity, etc) and a lot of people nowadays consider marriage something that is easily dissolvable.
Post # 8
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
@KT808: Oftentimes, there are relationship and communication patterns in dysfunctional families that get passed down through the generations. It’s really interesting, actually – it’s usually pretty textbook. WHile yes, things happen during life to make it more complicated, there’s usually an underlying broken foundation that causes things to spiral more quickly. I have actually mapped it out in my family’s generations with a therapist before. It’s very interesting!
