(Closed) A house or a wedding: which do you want first?

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: What do you want to spend your money on first?

    A mortgage first - on the house of our dreams.

    A mortgage first - but it could just be on a little place and we'll move once married.

    A wedding first - but we can easily afford both a wedding and a mortgage.

    A wedding first - even if it means we start married life with no money for a mortgage.

    Other (explain below)

  • Post # 3
    12302 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I voted mortgage on house of our dreams.  But I got it all within a year and a half.  We got engaged, then got our (hopefully forever, almost perfect) house 4 months later, and was married a year after that.  If I HAD to choose one, I think I would still go for house of my dreams and scale down the wedding.  Wedding is one day, the house will last for years maybe decades.

    Post # 4
    1472 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    We got engaged first, so I guess that made the decision for me! We’re pretty young (I’m about to turn 26 and he’s 27) and just getting started in our careers, and we’re hoping to buy a house in a next few years. We don’t currently live somewhere we’d like to settle long term…Fiance is interviewing for new jobs soon so our plan is to move, live in an apartment for a year or two, and buy a house when we can afford it.

    Post # 5
    1150 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I voted “Other.” My fiance and I are going into the acting industry and are not entirely sure where in the world we will end up, so right now we’re not looking to “settle down” as far as a house goes. We are currently working non-acting related jobs to save up for us to be able to move to a larger city and then we’ll worry about a house. For right now though, we are renting and saving with no idea where we’ll be, though we’re thinking probably Chicago at this point. So we’re getting married first, but thats because finding a house is not a priority for us at the moment.

    Post # 6
    569 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I would personally feel uncomfortable buying property with someone who wasn’t my spouse.  Its tricky enough to divide property when there’s a divorce, but its worse with just a break-up because there aren’t any laws governing how to evenly seperate it.

    If we were in a situation where we had a chunk of money in the bank and it was a question of “should we spend this on a wedding or a mortgage?”, I’d opt for a smaller wedding, with plans to replenish what was spent in the span of 2-3 years.

    Post # 7
    533 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I voted mortgage on the house of my dreams. If you find “the house” it can’t wait.. but a wedding can, in most cases.

    Post # 8
    1316 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I voted house of our dreams before getting married, mainly because that is what we have done before we are even engaged.

    We have bought a house that we probably won’t need to move from as it’s big enough to raise a family, has a big garden etc – so paying off the mortgage sooner on the first property is better than keep moving and remortgaging.

    I think after a year and half the money side of things are back on track for SO to plan a proposal and start saving for a wedding next year.

    True it was a big leap to move from our parents houses and move in together by getting a mortgage on a 3 bed house, but it is totally worth it and I am glad we did and it has brought us 1000 times closer together than when just “dating” and living apart. We feel married already I guess?

    Post # 9
    2546 posts
    Sugar bee

    We bought the house first, and the ring came a year later.

    Post # 10
    833 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I voted other, because we bought our little-not-forever- apartment before we were even engaged and we didn’t move after our marrige.  We plan on living here at least another 3-4 years before we buy another place.

    We decided that having a mortgage was priority since we didn’t want to put our money towards someone elses mortgage.  Then once we bought our place it took us 2 years to have our dream wedding.  Yes, we could’ve had our wedding earlier if we didn’t buy our place, but then we probably would’ve spent more on the wedding and have less for a down payment on a home.

    Post # 11
    496 posts
    Helper bee

    We bought a house together 2.5 years ago, so by the time we get married we’ll have owned a home for over 3 years already!

    Post # 12
    467 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I had a mortgage on a townhouse before I ever met my Fiance. (He also has a mortgage on a house that he shares with his brother in another state.)

    Now the houses we have aren’t “forever” houses – mine doesn’t have a private yard, and is a row-house, in a city where those aren’t historical or particularly desirable.  It doesn’t have enough room for a growing family, and it needs some work.  But it’s in a safe neighborhood, and it’s close to work, so it made sense when I bought it.

    I certainly understand NOT putting off a wedding until a couple buys a house.  When a couple is ready to marry, then an outside “goal” shouldn’t necessarily stand in the way.  

    But if you are in a position now to start working on financial goals – independently from love life considerations – then you’re in a good position.

    I’m one of those women who is hesitant to enter huge financial contracts with a person with whom I don’t have a legal connection.  I wouldn’t buy a house WITH a SO/FI.  (My Fiance lives with me, and doesn’t pay any part of my mortgage.  Instead he pays some other bills that come up to about half the household costs.)  I realize that plenty of people have great experiences, but I’m super cautious… Money doesn’t mix ’til the wedding night! 😉

    Post # 13
    592 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I bought my first home very young and now that we are married he moved into this “starter” home I’ve now owned for 10 yrs.  We did just put in an offer our first investment property we intend to rent out – YAY!

    I would not have felt comfortable spending as much on the wedding as we did had I not already had a home with equity.  I would have insisted on eloping or very simple family only wedding and then buying a reasonable starter home.

    I am probably overly conservative financially but I don’t want expenses that exceed 1 of our salaries.  I am in the same boat as another poster…I simply would not have felt comfortable buying a home with someone I am not married too.  Financial stuff gets too messy if things don’t work out.

    Post # 14
    178 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I chose a mortgage first, not because that is what I wanted per say, but that is what I got.  SO owns the house we live in, and has since before we met.  Before we get hitched we really want to upgrade to something in a more family friendly neighborhood!

    Post # 15
    2234 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I chose Other. However I would have LIKED a mortgage to the house of our dreams.

    What really happened was we bought the house we’re living in (which is awesome just not our “dream” house) and got married all in the same week.

    Post # 16
    2515 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I wouldn’t call it the house of our dreams, but we bought a house we could grow into a couple of years before getting engaged. Buying the house took a big hit on both our savings accounts and Fiance needed time to save up for my ring again and I needed time to save up for the wedding again. 3.5 years later, we will be married, living comfortably in our home for however long we choose and have the wedding we’ve (ok I) always wanted.

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