(Closed) A house or a wedding: which do you want first?

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: What do you want to spend your money on first?
    A mortgage first - on the house of our dreams. : (54 votes)
    13 %
    A mortgage first - but it could just be on a little place and we'll move once married. : (65 votes)
    16 %
    A wedding first - but we can easily afford both a wedding and a mortgage. : (82 votes)
    20 %
    A wedding first - even if it means we start married life with no money for a mortgage. : (155 votes)
    39 %
    Other (explain below) : (46 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 138
    107 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    A wedding. I’m ready to settle down & commit to him, but I’m not ready to settle down and commit to one place yet. I’d like to live in other countries, or something. I’m not ready to give up my wanderlust yet (if ever!), but wherever I want to go, I know I want him there too.

    Post # 139
    296 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Unfortunately, my BF finished a bankruptcy about 6 months into our relationship and my credit sucks…haha…so we definitely decided it would be a wedding before a house! I don’t even mind waiting to buy a house until we start having kids, as long as we know we can afford it and give our family the best life possible!

    Post # 140
    1517 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I voted other. We’ll be getting married first, but not spending a lot so it won’t affect our house savings much. We’re waiting a while to buy a house for a variety of reasons.  A house is much more important to me than a wedding, and will be getting much more money, but it doesn’t make sense for us for it to be first chronologically. 

    Post # 141
    71 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    Definitely buying a home first. I would love to be engaged before we purchase our first home, but we both know that logistically that probably wont happen. I have a pretty significant down payment and I have been saving a majority of every paycheck (since I still live at home and my parents pay for school, most groceries, ect) so most of my funds do not go to bills. But he is paying for more bills than I am and just recently had to purchase a new car (his old one was a 2001 with low  miles but just crapped out from age 🙁 i loved that old car) I can’t justify spending money to rent to move in together because it would just deplete our savings. We will live separately til we can buy a home and then work on the engagement/wedding plans

    Post # 142
    615 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I thought I wanted a house first, but decided I can live anywhere as long as SO and I are together.  I owned a condo for 8 years, and just recently sold it, so I’m very eager to own again.  Reality is that these things take money, and we’ll be waiting a bit after we get married. 

    Post # 143
    411 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    We bought our house first. Fiance is incredibly practical and had been saving money since he started working full time and wanted to use it for a down payment. He didn’t want to be “throwing money away” anymore by renting. Initially, we were planning on buying a starter home, but ended up getting a really good deal on a foreclosure that we’ll be able to grow into. I would have preferred to get married first because I felt like we were doing things backwards, but now we’re planning/saving for the wedding and enjoying having our own home.

    Post # 144
    209 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Personally, I would like to save up money for a year and pay for a wedding in cash, and then take any monetary gifts and put it towards a down payment for a house. My SO and I make decent money, so I don’t think this goal is unreasonable and with saying “any monetary gifts’ we’re not setting ourselves up for disappointment. 

    Post # 145
    872 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    There is NO WAY I would have bought property with someone without being married to him.

    Post # 146
    63 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2013 - New York, NY

    First wedding, then house. My parents keep pushing us to buy a house first, but I think this is just to try and get us to stop apartment hopping. 🙂 Our jobs require a lot on movement, so I doubt the house will happen until we have kids.

    Post # 147
    213 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I won’t sign a mortgage with someone until we are married. Period. I don’t plan on an enormous expensive wedding so I don’t think it will have a lot of impact on the timing of uS buying a house anyway. 

    Post # 148
    79 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Dreamland or real land? Dreamland, mortgage and house all the way, real land, wedding. We live in a part of the US where a 1 bedroom condo, 450 ft can cost over half a million…

    Post # 149
    77 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    We got really lucky my grandmother left me her house in her Will.  There were a few problems with the property so we had to put off our wedding so we could pay for a new roof. To be honest I would have to say the House before the wedding.

    Post # 150
    557 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    We got engaged last year in September, got married this past May, and are currently having our dream house built!!! It will be ready in November! Yay!

    Post # 151
    564 posts
    Busy bee

    @VickyAurea:  i can honestly answer mortgage, because we have one lol, it grounded us and gave us a home. Plus we needed to see if we could live together w/o killing one another lol, no troubles there !!!We need nothing =)

    Post # 152
    6 posts

    House came first. We had been renting for 6 months then an amazing 3br courtyard home in the right area and price range came on the market and we fell in love with it. We were an equal split on the deposit. His paycheck does mortgage and mine does bills/food. We talked seriously about the commitment. Before signing we talked marriage dates, what would happen if we ended it all together, timeframe for the next house and budget requirements. I now won’t get the 2ct ring of my dreams, but honestly, it would have looked silly on my little fingers. 

    We are both very young, 20 and 22, but when you know, you know. Both being children of divorce we understood how horrible settlements could get so we have the undertaking to sell and split 50/50. I love this man with everything and I know I made the right decision. My friends are the only ones to question, family have been 100% on board, but my friends don’t understand why I bought a house instead of spending my money on clothes and alcohol. I’m just past that stage in life! 

    It depends on your 10 year plan and your beliefs and your relationship. I don’t see my money as mine, it’s ours. I don’t spend any money without checking with him to let him know, he does the same. We just think that when we get married money will be so much easier, rather than trying to adjust to “our” money after a lifetime of “my” money it’s always been “ours” since his spell of unemployment early last year. 


    Sorry long post, it’s a big topic for us! 

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