(Closed) A house or a wedding: which do you want first?

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: What do you want to spend your money on first?

    A mortgage first - on the house of our dreams.

    A mortgage first - but it could just be on a little place and we'll move once married.

    A wedding first - but we can easily afford both a wedding and a mortgage.

    A wedding first - even if it means we start married life with no money for a mortgage.

    Other (explain below)

  • Post # 107
    Member
    1015 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I’d want a wedding first; I’m OK with living together during the engagement period, but I’d want to pick out a home together after we get our “social ducks” in a row.  Doing it the other way around seems almost like, “well we got married because we had nothing left to do”.  I understand the motivations of people who do it that way, it’s just not for me.

    Post # 108
    Member
    1811 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I def want a wedding first…but, I wouldn’t empty my entire savings for it and set us back significantly. I’d like to be able to buy a home within a year after a wedding.

    Post # 109
    Member
    15 posts
    Newbee

    I wanted the wedding, he wanted the house, we both agreed that being engaged or married and living in one of our parents basements wouldn’t be the ideal situation for us so we bought a house together. Now 2 years after moving in there is still so much to do and every time I bring wedding or an engament up with SO I get the “would you rather have the backyard landscaped or have a ring” Can’t I have both??? I was naive thinking that right after we move in we would move on to the engagement, but sadly no, here I am 7 years in still waiting. Getting settled in a house can be very expensive, espically when there are no wedding presents to help fill it. But I am thankful we have a beautiful home together, I just have to keep reminding myself that when I stare down at my bare hand…

    Post # 110
    Member
    5 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    Ideally, I vote house first, wedding after. I am going to be with FH forever whether we are married or not. We already live together. I have never felt the need to rush into marriage. However, our future home is a long way off. In actuallity we will be having a small wedding first and one day, a house.

    Post # 111
    Member
    100 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    We’ve already got a house in SO’s name (which he has already written me in to his will for – He did this 6.5 years ago and I only found out last month so I guess he was thinking long term from the start!), so wedding, wedding, wedding it is! 🙂

    Post # 112
    Member
    100 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @MissCoffee

     

    I’m just over 8 years waiting – but I just keep thinnking – at least we have somewhere to live together!

    Post # 113
    Member
    145 posts
    Blushing bee

    I voted “Other”. I don’t want to buy a house with anyone without a commitment first, but we don’t actually have to have had the wedding before we buy a house… it just has to be planned and a date set.

    I would never buy a house first without even being engaged; it can get too messy if things don’t work out.

    Post # 115
    Member
    895 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    Is it just me, or did you phrase the question and the poll really negatively? I’m glad you know which you’d prefer, but it doesn’t mean the rest of us are making a bad decision by paying for a wedding first.

    We would definitely prefer the wedding, for many reasons. Mostly, we will own a home one day, but are in no rush to do so, and being married is, to us, more important than owning a home. We can rent. But there’s no way we would have purchased a house with someone we weren’t married to. Not saying it’s wrong, but it’s not something we would have considered.

    Post # 116
    Member
    572 posts
    Busy bee

    Definately a wedding before a house.  Mr. Dizbee and I like to go “house hunting” (though we’re definately not looking to buy anytime soon) on weekends, and the houses that would be in a starter home range scared me!!  I want my yard!  I want my neighborhood pool!  I want my nice, clean neighbors that actually cut their grass and don’t glare at you when you walk by and wave!  So after a few of the “starter homes” I immediately put my foot down and told Mr. Dizbee we’d upgrade to a nicer apartment after school and continue to save for our dream house.  I’m fine with waiting until we can afford it.  No scary, sketchy house for me!

    Post # 117
    Member
    100 posts
    Blushing bee

    I voted marriage first.

    The ironic thing is though that a house and mortgage is the big bargaining chip which will see me down the aisle. My SO wants to buy this amazing $2.7m property which would be absolutely perfect for our business (the property is owned by someone in the same industry, so all the facilities are set up and built on site) and for a family. It’s not likely that this property will sell soon because regular buyers just wouldn’t be interested in having 30+ stables on their land (which is why we want it).

    He wants to buy the property this year. I said I would never commit to that expense with a boyfriend, or even a fiancee. I said it’s “I do” if he wants me to sign on the dotted line for something that big. He of course tried the “but I’m meant to carry you across the threshold of a house we own” line, but I stuck to my guns and said I will not make a massive financial commitment without THE commitment. As a result, I have a proposal due in March and wedding late this year. Yay!

    Post # 118
    Member
    5229 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    Considering how much more property you can get right now renting vs. buying and that the trend lately has been that the investment in your house is hardly an investment at all, I’m sticking to renting.

    Post # 119
    Member
    767 posts
    Busy bee

    Our plan: Wedding in 2013. House in 2014 or 2015. I definitely want to try and do things the “traditional way” whatever that means. I know my parents got married then bought a house lol. So I just figured that’s how it’s done. I also know that in a two-three years we will be both making substancially more money and that’s what we need in order to put a down payment on a house etc. The wedding will be “cheap” compared to a home so it’s easier to get married now, house later. We also have a SUPER sweet deal on our apartment….we pay rent 50% off 😉 Might as well stay and save save save! lol

    Post # 120
    Member
    743 posts
    Busy bee

    We bought a house 2 years ago. I am still waiting for an engagement ring. If I had to do it all over again I would have got my own apartment instead of moving in with him. There is no incentive for him now for marriage. I regret my decision.

    Post # 121
    Member
    1433 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I’m probably a minority here but my Fiance is English so we HAVE TO get married first (visa laws) before we move forward on the whole mortgage front lol

    We met on vacation in Cancun and have been back and forth to each other’s countries through uni and we are totally legit, we just now finally feel ready to take it to the next level and MOVE.  He’s coming my way so yippeeeee!

    Anyway, that’s the way I’d do it regardless tho… I am a traditionalist anyway so i like to do things in the order I was taught: First comes love, then comes marriage then comes the baby in the mortgaged first home. lol

    The early years of marriage are supposed to be all ramen noodles and DIY home projects arent they? “Character Builders” as my parents would call them lol

     

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