(Closed) A hurt bride-to-be, but should I be? Please help :(

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Am I wrong to be upset that my fiance would rather go on a group trip for our honeymoon?
    yes, I would do that no problem : (13 votes)
    5 %
    no, I wouldn't want a group trip for a honeymoon either, and he shouldn't expect me to be ok with it : (224 votes)
    95 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    9667 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    you have every right to be upset, this is your HONEYMOON, supposed to celebrate your love and just enjoy being newlyweds! this isn’t just any holiday that you can do with a group of friends. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    587 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I would be upset too and I think the compromise is that you go with your friends and just make sure you do stuff alone. Make sure your room isn’t NEXT DOOR so that there’s still privacy and romance. I dont know if it’s because my Fiance and I travel on our own a lot as it is but I dont’ feel all that sentimental about the honeymoon. I’d be happy to have some friends along but my husband (!!) would have to get that I’m still the priority. 

    Also, if he now wants to go with the group – is he not going to be happy if you get your way? That’s the issue I always have with these things. What’s the point of getting your way if the other person is going to be unhappy??

    Post # 6
    Member
    9667 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    @ella84:  perhaps suggest going on a trip with them next year?

    i would be even more upset if it was camping/hostels, but maybe that’s partially because i hate camping. but no chance for alone time on your honeymoon? that’s crazy

    Post # 7
    Member
    4429 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @ella84:  i think you have every right to be upset. its your honeymoon you 2 should be alone and celebrating the marriage not hanging with friends. its you and him time. i’m so sorry your going Thur this hun ** hugs**

    Post # 8
    Member
    587 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @ella84:  Oh, hostels and camping? No thanks. I would do that if we were all bff and it was sure to be an awesome time. If you don’t feel like you’re really part of the group then no way. Is that even safe? The crime rate in Mexico has been really really high recently.

    Post # 9
    Member
    257 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    4 weeks is a decent amount of time… perhaps the compromise could be 2 weeks with his friends just having a bit of a party and then the other 2 weeks somewhere faaarrrr away from them in a place more romantic and couple-y where you can enjoy some quality time together.

    I do have friends who have spent *part* of their honeymoon travelling in a group and have loved it.  It’s a very different experience than travelling as a couple.

    I think his friend sounds like a bit of an inconsiderate tool.

    Post # 10
    Member
    245 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @ella84:  In NO way is this okay. To guilt trip you because he wants to spend your HONEYMOON hanging out with his buddies?!?!?

    Have you tried asking someone he respects to let him know how terrible this idea is? Or try bringing it up around other people and let their reactions show your Fiance what an unreasonable idea this is.

    I don’t know. It’s clear he is NOT thinking about this rationally AT ALL. I’m so sorry, Ella. I would be devastated.

    Post # 11
    Member
    129 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    He is being selfish for expecting you to want to do this and reacting that way when you said no!

    If you can do it 2 weeks alone, then 2 weeks with the group, that could be a good compromise – and fun too! But if he is expecting you to make it a group thing and that’s it, then I would be really upset and hurt if I was in that position.

    Post # 12
    Member
    245 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I agree that it is possible you guys could compromise (two weeks alone and two weeks with friends) but I definitely it is selfish for him to even expect that.

    You only have one honeymoon. He has the rest of his life to plan trips with his friends.

    Also, your fiancé’s friend is incredibly selfish for not being willing to wait for November and he is not being a true friend to your fiancé at all by doing this to you guys.

    Post # 13
    Member
    235 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Personally I’m quite outdoorsy so I wouldn’t mind it. 🙂 BUTTTTTTT~~~~~~~

    I think you are absolutely NORMAL to be upset!!!! He should respect your wishes for the honeymoon! 

    Personally, if it were me… and if my Fiance kept bothering me about it, I would first say yes and that I’ll say I’m bringing my friends and family too since it’s HIS friend’s planned group trip. I’ll try to change the general way/theme of the trip to include others and make it a very complicated matter (for the guys)… I think he’ll return to honeymooning just the two of us when that happens. 

    (I’m feeling kinda mean and cranky today. Better check my calendar…lol)

    Post # 14
    Member
    8670 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Well technically there is no rule to say you have to take your honeymoon straight after the wedding- I mean a lot of people wait and others do not have a honeymoon at all so I think using that as a reason is kind of lame.

    So is calling one person in the couple (in this case OP’s FI) selfish- because technically the same could be said about the other person in the couple (the OP)- that they are selfish for not considering what the other is saying!

    I think you guys need to compromise. 4 weeks is a large chunck of vacation time so you could do like @Laitka:  suggested and spend two weeks with the freinds and then take a two week holiday together.

    But basically I think you both need to communicate what you want your honeymoon to be. ANd it is key to rememebr that it is his honeymoon as well!

    I am one of those brides that had peple along on their honeymoon. DH’s brother decided to get marrie at our honeymoon location 10 days after our wedding so we spent part of our honeymoon with family and it was no big deal. We found lots of time to ourselves and it was good to have other people to do stuff with that your partner wouldn’t (like shopping and cultural/historical things for me- adventure/outdoors stuff for DH).

    Post # 16
    Member
    2395 posts
    Buzzing bee

    The whole nature of a honeymoon is that it’s just the bride and groom. I have never heard of a group trip for a honeymoon!

     

    Here is the definition from Merriam Webster. Print it out and show it to him.

    A honeymoon is not a big free-for-all with the whole gang!

    HON-EY-MOON

    A trip or vacation taken by a newly married couple



    Notice it says “A” couple. Not “a group of couples.”

    Argh! I can see why you’re frustrated!

    The topic ‘A hurt bride-to-be, but should I be? Please help :(’ is closed to new replies.

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