Post # 1
I would love your opinion please!!
My finance and I are getting married next April, but we are having major disagreements over the honeymoon. Basicially one of his friends is organizing a group trip to Mexico, and he doesn’t want to wait until November, which is when we have enough annual leave to go. So he suggest to my Fiance to make it during our honeymoon, so that we could go.
I simply don’t want to go on a group hoiiday for my honeymoon! It’s not how i ever imagined it, and we would have almost no time just the two of us. Firstly, do you think I am being unreasonable?
The next problem is how my fiance has reacted to me not wanting to go. He is annoyed that he now has no say in the honeymoon (this couldn’t be futher from the truth, I just don’t want this one idea), he keeps bringing it up, thinking i’ll change my mind, and it just leads to more arguements. We now don’t seem to be talking about the honeymoon at all, and he has an attitude everytime I try. I’ve told him how it makes me feel, its become such a negative topic, when it should be a happy one, but he doesn’t seem to really see my side at all, he is just thinking about how he is going to miss out on hanging with his friends for 4 weeks, and he is sulky and stubborn. I am truly hurt by the thought of this. Am I justified in being upset? Would anyone else see this group trip as a honeymoon as a good oppertunity?
I would really love some opinions, its become such a drama, that I am losing motivation for other aspects of the wedding as well, I’m so lost 🙁
Post # 3
you have every right to be upset, this is your HONEYMOON, supposed to celebrate your love and just enjoy being newlyweds! this isn’t just any holiday that you can do with a group of friends.
Post # 4
I would be upset too and I think the compromise is that you go with your friends and just make sure you do stuff alone. Make sure your room isn’t NEXT DOOR so that there’s still privacy and romance. I dont know if it’s because my Fiance and I travel on our own a lot as it is but I dont’ feel all that sentimental about the honeymoon. I’d be happy to have some friends along but my husband (!!) would have to get that I’m still the priority.
Also, if he now wants to go with the group – is he not going to be happy if you get your way? That’s the issue I always have with these things. What’s the point of getting your way if the other person is going to be unhappy??
Post # 5
Another thing is that whilst I like these people, they are his friends, not mine. I wouldn’t be invited on this trip if I weren’t his girlfriend/fiance/wife. I think there would be a lot of hostels, and camping, I honestly don’t think we will get any quality alone time..
Post # 6
@ella84: perhaps suggest going on a trip with them next year?
i would be even more upset if it was camping/hostels, but maybe that’s partially because i hate camping. but no chance for alone time on your honeymoon? that’s crazy
Post # 7
@ella84: i think you have every right to be upset. its your honeymoon you 2 should be alone and celebrating the marriage not hanging with friends. its you and him time. i’m so sorry your going Thur this hun ** hugs**
Post # 8
@ella84: Oh, hostels and camping? No thanks. I would do that if we were all bff and it was sure to be an awesome time. If you don’t feel like you’re really part of the group then no way. Is that even safe? The crime rate in Mexico has been really really high recently.
Post # 9
4 weeks is a decent amount of time… perhaps the compromise could be 2 weeks with his friends just having a bit of a party and then the other 2 weeks somewhere faaarrrr away from them in a place more romantic and couple-y where you can enjoy some quality time together.
I do have friends who have spent *part* of their honeymoon travelling in a group and have loved it. It’s a very different experience than travelling as a couple.
I think his friend sounds like a bit of an inconsiderate tool.
Post # 10
@ella84: In NO way is this okay. To guilt trip you because he wants to spend your HONEYMOON hanging out with his buddies?!?!?
Have you tried asking someone he respects to let him know how terrible this idea is? Or try bringing it up around other people and let their reactions show your Fiance what an unreasonable idea this is.
I don’t know. It’s clear he is NOT thinking about this rationally AT ALL. I’m so sorry, Ella. I would be devastated.
Post # 11
He is being selfish for expecting you to want to do this and reacting that way when you said no!
If you can do it 2 weeks alone, then 2 weeks with the group, that could be a good compromise – and fun too! But if he is expecting you to make it a group thing and that’s it, then I would be really upset and hurt if I was in that position.
Post # 12
I agree that it is possible you guys could compromise (two weeks alone and two weeks with friends) but I definitely it is selfish for him to even expect that.
You only have one honeymoon. He has the rest of his life to plan trips with his friends.
Also, your fiancé’s friend is incredibly selfish for not being willing to wait for November and he is not being a true friend to your fiancé at all by doing this to you guys.
Post # 13
Personally I’m quite outdoorsy so I wouldn’t mind it. 🙂 BUTTTTTTT~~~~~~~
I think you are absolutely NORMAL to be upset!!!! He should respect your wishes for the honeymoon!
Personally, if it were me… and if my Fiance kept bothering me about it, I would first say yes and that I’ll say I’m bringing my friends and family too since it’s HIS friend’s planned group trip. I’ll try to change the general way/theme of the trip to include others and make it a very complicated matter (for the guys)… I think he’ll return to honeymooning just the two of us when that happens.
(I’m feeling kinda mean and cranky today. Better check my calendar…lol)
Post # 14
Well technically there is no rule to say you have to take your honeymoon straight after the wedding- I mean a lot of people wait and others do not have a honeymoon at all so I think using that as a reason is kind of lame.
So is calling one person in the couple (in this case OP’s FI) selfish- because technically the same could be said about the other person in the couple (the OP)- that they are selfish for not considering what the other is saying!
I think you guys need to compromise. 4 weeks is a large chunck of vacation time so you could do like @Laitka: suggested and spend two weeks with the freinds and then take a two week holiday together.
But basically I think you both need to communicate what you want your honeymoon to be. ANd it is key to rememebr that it is his honeymoon as well!
I am one of those brides that had peple along on their honeymoon. DH’s brother decided to get marrie at our honeymoon location 10 days after our wedding so we spent part of our honeymoon with family and it was no big deal. We found lots of time to ourselves and it was good to have other people to do stuff with that your partner wouldn’t (like shopping and cultural/historical things for me- adventure/outdoors stuff for DH).
Post # 15
Well actually I am considering his point of view, otherwise I wouldn’t be on here. We are having a destination wedding, and everyone is coming up the week before, so its not like he won’t get to hang out with people important to him, in fact, I don’t even expect to see him much the week before the wedding for exactly that reason.
I am also not against a group holiday, and I am not against Mexico. I realise that this requires compromise, but where is his? My original choice was Tahiti, and he wasn’t too keen, so its off the list. Why isn’t this?
Post # 16
The whole nature of a honeymoon is that it’s just the bride and groom. I have never heard of a group trip for a honeymoon!
Here is the definition from Merriam Webster. Print it out and show it to him.
A honeymoon is not a big free-for-all with the whole gang!
A trip or vacation taken by a newly married couple
Notice it says “A” couple. Not “a group of couples.”
Argh! I can see why you’re frustrated!