- 3 years ago
- Wedding: August 2017
I thought I’d share this with you. Since it obviously can be a sensitive topic to bring up, and maybe some have never thought of it from this perspective!
I told my BF about a thread on here earlier today, it was about a girl getting a diamond of a certain size, and about the fact that she was expecting something bigger for a couple reasons, such as status, her friends having 50-100% the the size rocks, etc.
I also told him that the thread started a shit storm and that the majority of all the women on here thought that she was a ungrateful and horrible person to have expectations about the size of the stone etc, and that it should be his choice, since it was bought with his money, etc etc.
This girl in particular had offered to pay the difference between the ring she was given and the bigger rock that she wanted instead, but to most people this made no difference, in this particular case, since it was allready a big stone. (Usually the answers differ alot between threads about bigger and smaller stones, people tend to think it’s more OK to caugh up money yourself towards a “average” size stone if you have recieved a small one, than it is to want to help to pay for a relatively big one) But to some the fact that she offered to pay for the difference herself made them think it was a fair deal.
(And some, like always on here, could as well have said that she is a monster who deserves no love, but that is a whole other story.)
Anyway, I told my Boyfriend or Best Friend about all of this (poor man, he always has to listen to me talking about all the drama here on the bee!), and he told me that he’d rather have me nagging about getting something bigger, and to give him a chance to earn the money so that he can meet my expectations, than have me offer to pay for the difference. He actually said that he would be very insulted and feel very belittled if I would suggest something like that.
I was surprised that he felt so strongly about this, it is one thing to just say “Thank you for the offer, but don’t worry, I’d rather save up for it myself”, but he was almost insulted just for me bringing the topic up! Lol.
Have you ever talked about things like this with your guys? What was their response? Maybe someone even have suggested this solution to their partner? What do YOU think about this matter?
I just wanted to make you aware of the fact that IF you would consider asking for something bigger, take into consideration that he might not get insulted for you asking for more, but for the fact that you indirectly tell him that what he has given you is not good enought, nor do you think that he is capable of doing better, or you believe that you can do it better yourself! It might hurt his feelings even more than just pointing out that the ring he has envisioned doesn’t meet your expectations, and that you expect him to do better than that.
I am aware that this sounds a bit “cave man-ish”, but doesn’t they all act like that when it comes to certain topics? Lol. Anyway. I just wanted to make you girls aware of this perspective. Since I myself had not thought about it before. I just thought it was a great gesture to offer to pay the difference if you would for some reason not be satisfied with the “gift”.
I think it is a very interesting topic, mostly because so many feel so strongly about it, in different ways. And I thought it can’t do any harm to hear it from a different point of view.