- 3 years ago
wrong post. sorry.
wrong post. sorry.
Wow. I am surprised so many have this huge problem with me presenting a hypotethical scenario.
mrs2014 : Well, as we don’t count, what’s left after bills (that he pay with our money, since all money is joint, it just happens to be from his account) goes to food, savings, buying things we want or need, travels, it doesn’t matter what account it comes from. Again, this it’s not HIS or MY money, it’s our money. We spend it on US. And a bigger part goes to my personal interests than to his, since his doesn’t cost anything. It’s not like he is going to start shopping for X amount every moth just because I do? That would be a waste? We rather put that money on savings or travel, or even my shopping, since he doesn’t care to buy things. All that goes to our JOINT savings. We don’t save separately.
DaisyBlossom : Well, again, we don’t have a huge income every month as we are students, so even if I would like to, I can’t buy tons of expensive stuff. Haha. I like good quality clothes, so I try to find them on sale, I search like a mad man for the best deals, and buy a few pieces every month. I am not a “crazy shopper”, I just stated that since I buy MORE than him (Since I can’t even remember when was the last time he bought something for himself, all his clothes that are not 10 years old are gifts from me (with OUR money, as everything else we buy) or from his mother. Haha.) My point was, it would just be ridiculous if he would start spending the same amount as me every month, just for it to be even (so silly!), since he doesn’t care for it. What is left over goes into the “pool” of joint money. We spend that on savings for a future home, or travel or “things one of us wants”, or christmas gifts or whatever.
And for the “sparkly rock” comment, well, as I said, the first post was a hypotethical scenario, when I asked him, IF the situation would be as for the couple in the other thread, when she was dissatisfied with a 2 carat rock, what would he think/say?
His answer was, if I would not be happy with the size of the stone he gave me, he rather have me “nagging” for more (he jokingly chose that word, I thought that was obvious, sorry, it should be exchanged to “telling him in a respectful way”), than to just pretend that I was happy with it. As I have allready said, this will probably not apply on us, since the stone I have pointed out to him as my DREAM RING is a .50 carat stone on a thin while gold band. The cost of this ring is very much in our budget, in fact way below our budget, so it is not like I am all about size, show off and nagging him for more all the time? In fact, never. He just said that he would PREFER that I would do that, if I for some reason would be dissatisfied with what he gives me. Which I am not, and have never been, so there is no reason for me to nag.
I feel that so many on these forums READS SO MUCH INTO EVERYTHING I SAY, if I say that shopping is my hobby so many of you assume that I shop for 90% of our budget every month, if I say my Boyfriend or Best Friend would rather have me nagging than to settle for something I don’t love, soo manyyy of youu assume that I am nagging for a 6 carat rock, while his budget is a 3. Please. Read what I am saying before getting judgemental, don’t just assume!
I will probably shop more once we have a decent income, but I don’t spend money on shopping that we PLAN on using on other things, I never said that. I just said that we have a joint account from which he uses about NOTHING on himself, and I use some on me. It would be silly if he started spending the same amount every month just for it to be equal! It doesn’t matter who earned that specific amount of money that I spend in a specific month. All money is OUR money. We pay bills with OUR joint money, buy food with OUR money, I shop with OUR money, when the day comes when we buy a car/house/tv/whatever/a new gaming computer/boat/motorcycle/stroller/ring/wedding gown/tux/whatever, we will buy it with OUR MONEY. Since there is no his and hers. I am not a witch, if he want’s to buy something with our money that is FIIINEEEE, if we don’t have enough we will save up for.
I don’t know why this is so weird to some? Should I NOT shop because he does not?
Daisy_Mae : and everyone else who seems to be misunderstanding. No, I did not say that they all think that way in that specific situation. I was jokingly saying, “I am aware that this sounds a bit “cave man-ish”, but doesn’t they all act like that when it comes to certain topics? Lol.”, and I ment “thinking like cave men”. Which ofc, they don’t. I was joking. I was not saying all men are cave men. I thought that the “lol” in the end of the scentence would reveal my very lighthearted “tone”. I am sure your man is a very intelligent, modern man in which you can find no trace of the fact that his anchesters lived in a cave once.
The point of this thread, was as I said, not to point out that “ALL MALE BRAINS THINKS THE SAME WAY”, it was just to give girls another perspective on it, before approaching the subject with their SO. I am personally asking for a .50 carat ring on a white gold band. It’s way within budget, so I don’t have this issue myself. I just asked my Boyfriend or Best Friend a hypotethical question, to which he aswered that he would rather have ne nagging than to just “settle”. This ofc doesn’t apply on ALL relationships, I never said that, I just wanted to share his way of seeing it, in case it applies on someone else, so that the girl keeps it in mind in case just saying “I’ll pay for the difference” would hurt their SO. As I said in the main post, my spontanious reaction WOULD HAVE BEEN to offer to chip in, but obviously that would not have been apprechiated. (again, we have shared finances even though we are not married, so this would not apply on us either way!)
arosebyanyothername : I don’t have a “shopping addiction”, thank you. It’s interesting how traditional female interests is always belittled as silly, or “nonsens”.
peegee : I am too astonished about how everyone applies their own standars on everyone elses!
SithLady : That is nice, imo, I am planning on gifting my SO a watch too, as a engagement or wedding gift! 🙂
ppresto : No, I didn’t think so either! I did not think much of it at all! I don’t even think it is “wrong” to want to compete, if that was the case, some people are that way, to me that is more “sad”, and if that was the reason behind the upgrade I just think the whole hysterical diamond industry in the US is who to “blame” (if we need to fault anyone for that), not one girl who gets affected by it.
Why is it like this in so many discussions on here? Everyone just goes crazy over something without even reading what the OP says?
mishybear : I do this too! We even read threads together! (I force him, out of love of course!) And he, at one time, even started talking about something a member on here had written, without me even mentioning anything! That was so funny!
bibbithebee : I think you’ve got to consider that if so many users are coming to the same/ similar view then there’s something about the tone of earlier posts that’s given them that impression.
You posed a hypothetical situation, people have given their response to a hypothetical situation. You can’t get all dramatic over that.
You can create a big dramatic post with bold and underlines and multiple quotes all you like and clarify that the ring you want is under budget etc. But you failed to mention that at the start (you know when chatting about loving shopping and how you could have a bigger ring if you wanted)… which suggests you’re enjoying the controversy of the thread.
For what it’s worth, I still stand by my original view that most of the time people whining about upgrades and wanting bigger sparkly rings and loving shopping sounds very material to me.
DaisyBlossom : “For what it’s worth, I still stand by my original view that most of the time people whining about upgrades and wanting bigger sparkly rings and loving shopping sounds very material to me. “
Sure, but is was not me who wanted bigger and sparklier. I think that people had a hard time separating me from the hypotethical scenario. I guess I am just annoyed that people doesn’t read my updated here where I explain that. But yeah, I don’t always read updates myself either, so maybe I should not be the one to complain about that……
I also don’t find a problem with the woman offering to chip in some of her money to get the ring that she wants. However, I do think that my fiance would also be upset in this situation. He is very proud of the ring he chose and he worked his butt off to get it for me (and I’m in love with it).
I would never ask for a larger ring/offer to chip in money to buy a bigger one, however, I don’t think it is wrong for someone who isn’t completely happy to broach the subject. 🙂
bibbithebee : I have a 3.5 engagement diamond ring and some days I do want a bigger one like 5.5 or 6 carat. Honestly in my social circle and status the 3 carat is just a norm. And I want an upgrade in the future because me and him thought about getting a bigger ring anyway when he moves up on his job. If I want something I’m not afraid to tell him and he too isn’t afraid to tell me. He keeps mentioning Rolex every other days and it doesn’t put me off. This is the life we live and I don’t think anyone should judge people that want something great for themselves if they can afford it. I think each to their own. If I want an expensive bags I wouldn’t go to him and nag him to buy it for me. But if I want a bigger ring and he has been mentioning wanting to get me an upgrade even after I got the initial ring in less than a year then I won’t mind him to that too. Does this make any senses? That it doesn’t put us in debt if we upgrade and it won’t effect anything and he wouldn’t see me as a sugar baby or a gold digger? Haha I guess I’m just ranting here too.
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