- 3 years ago
- Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom
*EDIT* I have since resolved this issue.
Hello Ladies! I KNEW I wasn’t going to finish this pregnancy without at least one more ‘vent’. Please bear with me…
I am 38 weeks pregnant (38w6d if you want to get technical). For those of you who don’t know me well, I have talked many times about my Father-In-Law who lived with us for medical reasons (though is in very good health right now). I love the man, I truly do…but him and I DO butt heads sometimes. I don’t mention this next part much but, I don’t have my drivers license for anxiety/panic disorder reasons (they reccomend I don’t drive as I could be a potential hazard to other drivers…which is fair). Darling Husband is a bit of a ‘late bloomer’, and as of now doesn’t have his full license….he does have his “learners permit”, but where we live that means he can’t drive without someone in the car who is licensed and SOBER…that is until he graduates to the ‘next stage’. (To my fellow Canadian Bees, he just has his G1). Thus, Darling Husband and I either take the bus everywhere, or Father-In-Law does the driving. So, the plan has been since day one that Father-In-Law will drive us to the hospital when it is “time”.
A side note is that Father-In-Law does smoke a small amount of weed most nights to deal with digestive issues. He usually has a tiny bit after dinner….I am talking two or three puffs to help him digest. He has a defect with his esophogus and has been using this ‘method’ since the 1970’s. He smokes it on the balcony, and it has never been a problem. He never gets ‘blackout’ or anything, but his senses are (obviously) impared.
As my due date got closer, Father-In-Law and I negotiated that the ‘last time’ he would smoke would be when I hit 37 weeks so that if I went into labour early he would be able to drive me. He was 100% in agreeance with this. In fact, it was HIM who wanted to initiate the conversation about the ‘plan’. At 37w4d he approached me about wanting to smoke, but he’d arranged someone to be ‘on call’ that night who could drive us if need be. I was REALLY not happy that he chose to do that (as I have been very private about my pregnancy in real life, and don’t even want people to know when I’m in labour so as to avoid a ‘crowd scene’ at the hospital), but seeing as he already went to the effort I told him it was fine JUST THIS ONCE but not to do it again.
So last night (38w5d if anyone is counting), I was on my usual evening walk with Darling Husband, and Father-In-Law decided to tag along (as he does sometimes). As we were walking and talking Darling Husband and I noticed Father-In-Law was acting like he does when he is high. Darling Husband confronted him and he admitted that he had smoked weed…it also came out after some probing that he had actually been smoking THIS WHOLE TIME! I got a little upset with him and asked if he’d been arranging other people to be ‘on call’ behind our back all this time after I asked him not to do that without talking to me first. NO NO NO! It’s worse than that. His ‘plan’ was if we needed to get to the hospital Darling Husband could drive and he’d ride in the front seat like he does when giving Darling Husband a driving lesson. Yeah…this is ILLEGAL! If we got pulled over that could jeapordise DH’s driving status, cause huge problems for Father-In-Law, AND we’d be detained while I was sitting in the back of the car in LABOUR!
Now I really started freaking out. Father-In-Law actually tried ‘reassuring me’ by saying that instead of detaining us they’d just follow us to the hospital and deal with it there. Oh yeah THAT made me feel better (not). I mean, I GET that he has a legitimate medical reason to smoke what he does. HOWEVER he made a commitment to us to remain stone sober and be able to drive to the hospital. If he REALLY felt that he couldn’t do this for us (for medical reasons or otherwise), he should have admitted it long ago instead of playing ‘russian roulette’ like this!
Before I could have a full blown FREAKOUT, Father-In-Law decided to break off from us and walk home. Darling Husband initially held his reaction in (so we wouldn’t BOTH be freaking out on FIL in public), but after Father-In-Law split he assured me up and down he had NO IDEA that was FIL’s ‘plan’ and he would have IN NO WAY agreed to it! He would have figured something else out…worst case called us a cab.
When we got home we went straight to our bedroom and didn’t talk to Father-In-Law (who’d closed himself off in the den anyways). We talked about it some more. Darling Husband and I agreed it would be best if Darling Husband talked to Father-In-Law today when he gets home from work alone…as (to be honest) I see no way for me to not fly off the handle at him right now…which would NOT be productive. Darling Husband asked I sleep on it, then call him on his lunch break so we could discuss what sort of ‘message’ Darling Husband was going to give to Father-In-Law about this.
When I saw Father-In-Law this morning, he was acting like nothing happened. I promised Darling Husband I wouldn’t ‘get into it’ with Father-In-Law unless he initiated the conversation with me…so yeah, I admit I was giving him a bit of the cold shoulder…which he seemed oblivious to, so I guess my ‘cold shoulder’ isn’t that icy. Or maybe Father-In-Law just thought I was being hormonal and weird. Doesn’t matter…moving on…
At lunch, Darling Husband and I are now having a hard time agreeing on our ‘message’. I openly admit I am taking this fairly personally. I want to have him know we are VERY upset with this violation of our trust! I also want to be very ‘balls to the wall’ and want him to know that if he smokes weed again we WILL make other arrangements ahead of time, and he will NOT be welcome at the birth…regardless of whether or not he smoked weed the particular day/night I go into labour. Darling Husband on the other hand wants to go a different approach and straight up CONFISCATE his weed…which I don’t see the point of because Father-In-Law could just buy more behind our backs. The real ‘conflict’ though is Darling Husband feels like I am being ‘too harsh’ by potentially banning Father-In-Law from the birth. By the end of the conversation Darling Husband agreed that if I REALLY felt that strongly about it, Father-In-Law will be told that he could potentially be banned from the delivery. Darling Husband has 100% agreed to have a united front on this…but he wants me to be REALLY sure before opening that ‘can of worms’. His concern is it could spark a ‘chain reaction’ arguement, and the LAST thing he wants is me to be under stress right now.
So thank you for bearing with me during that long, slightly muddled vent! Am I being too harsh? Darling Husband will be home from work in about four hours…so I have to make up my mind by then.
I just ask that everyone remain constructive and focus on the current issue of “am I being to harsh” instead of “smoking weed for medicinal reasons”…I know that can be a hot button topic.
Thanks in advance.
*Edit* I have since written a reply covering some of the common questions and clarifying a few points of my original post on what appears to be ‘page three’ on my end 🙂