(Closed) A lapse in FIL's judgement…I need some help with mine… *vent-ish*

posted 4 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 61
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I agree that I think you need to find some alternate arrangements.  Personally, I don’t believe it’s fair to depend on anyone other than your husband to help with your child, even if it was offered.  Especially if you’re relying on someone to change their lifestyle. 

I would cross him off the list.  Agree with the Uber thing, however, I wonder if it would be difficult to find one willing to take you to the hospital with all of the leaking and delivery potential going on during labor. 

Man, I can’t imagine trying to walk home from the grocery store in the Canadian winter, with a stroller and bags of groceries.  Might want to try the driving thing again.  Once you have experience, I bet you’ll find a lot of your anxiety about it goes away. 

Post # 62
1154 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Echoing other posters, I think your DH needs to make the license his priority. You tried for several months to conceive and are now at the end of your pregnancy, so he has had plenty of time to get the ball rolling. 

Youre also now going to be a Stay-At-Home Mom thus losing your income, but couldn’t prioritize the cost of licensing/driving lessons prior to the baby? Count me as another confused as to how now with a baby and down to only DHs income you can get to/pay for things like Dr appointments and baby needs and a car, but not driving lessons? 

Post # 63
707 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

TLDR; take a cab or uber. Problem solved. 

Post # 64
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Everyone’s ragging on you for no car, but where do you live?  Many, many, people don’t have cars.  It’s a NA thing to have a gas-guzzler and giant parent parking spots in the burbs.  I said this before but I have friends (some in Europe too) who don’t own vehicles who take their babies on the bus.  If you live in an urban centre it’s very doable.  Especially here in BC with ICBC, it’s just very cost-prohibitive to have a vehicle.  You just do small trips to the grocery store instead of loading up once a week.  I mean yes, if you’re in the boonies you’ll need one, but somewhere like Toronto or Vancouver?  Nah. If there was an emergency, I can run to the hospital faster than getting in the car.  Ambulances are three minutes away too.  Totally dependant on your location though, I get that, but you didn’t say where you are so giving you the benefit of the doubt here.  My fiancé never got his N (like G2) and is fine without it.  I only have a car because work pays for it, I can’t afford ICBC!



Post # 65
1586 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Make alternative arrangements, whether that is a friend, a relative or a taxi. Your Father-In-Law can’t stop smoking weed for an indeterminate amount of time if he is using it for medical reasons.

Also, you and your DH need to prioritise getting at least one driver’s licence between you. I assume he is on a probationary period for a set amount of time – is it at all possible for you to drive? I also have generalised anxiety disorder, panic attacks and OCD and I’ve never been told I can’t drive, just to avoid it if my medication is making me woozy. My Fiance doesn’t drive because he has an actual phobia of driving, but he’s still going to work towards getting his license before we have kids.

Post # 67
63 posts
Worker bee

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snowflake8 :  No offense, but what did you expect? Figuring out a ride to the hospital shouldn’t be this hard, and it’s unfair of you to expect your Father-In-Law to give up a drug he is using as medicine (if that is the case) just to give you a ride. It’s also unfair for you not to let Father-In-Law see his grandchild after the birth because of this. But I agree that the lying is something you need to talk to Father-In-Law about.

If you live in a city center, maybe you don’t need a car, but as someone who has severe anxiety and panic attacks I can tell you that it is possible to drive and that I think you should work with a therapist on getting a license. It seems like you might be using your condition in order not to drive when it is perfectly possible for most people with anxiety to drive…especially with proper lessons for driving and therapy and treatment for their condition. Driving can be a necessity and it’s a skill like swimming…better that you have it than that you don’t.

My grandma doesn’t have a license, and it has presented us with problems sometimes. It’s great that your DH will get his license soon, but I think that you need one too so that you can also be a responsible parent. You can’t rely on other people, you need to become self-sufficient for your child.

Post # 68
2427 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

View original reply
snowflake8 :  How exactly did this thread get “off topic?” Every response gives factual advice on how to either set ground rules for your home and with your FIL/smoking, or transportation in regards to either your DH getting his license or another reliable way for you to get to the hospital at the time of birth. As far as you asking for people to respond on if you were being “too harsh,” did you want a yes or no answer? Or did you want people to refrence why they felt you were or weren’t? 

Post # 69
210 posts
Helper bee

This thread looks like it’s stayed on topic to me. I think what you meant to say is it hasn’t gone the way you wanted it to go. 

The topic ‘A lapse in FIL's judgement…I need some help with mine… *vent-ish*’ is closed to new replies.

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