Post # 1
Dear Douche Canoe,
My mother is in the ICU, and not only do you not give support like a “friend” does, you pull a stunt by jumping out of the woodwork to write me off when I have already backed-off since Friday night when I found out you had a girlfriend? What was the purpose of that? You wanted to cut our already-cut friendship? The dick stunt wasn’t breaking the friendship, the dick stunt was your timing, I’m in and out of hospital and you send such a message when I just wanted someone to listen and to laugh with? And you knew I was having a rough weekend with my grandmother’s funeral, you said you’d be my friend…. and was a friend who just vanished when I needed an ear.
The friendship had fizzled out months ago…. and to bring your ego back to earth, you flatter yourself by thinking that I like you as more than a friend. You bailed on me too many times, especially lately, showing just what sort of fair weather friend you are.
I wish you the best with your girlfriend. Just don’t try and find me to be your backup friend if things don’t quite work out (like it did with Michelle, remember?) I was happily plodding along when you decided to come back into my life as a “friend” after things went sour with her…. of course that was after the three or so years hiatus after you bailed on me for my panic attacks. This understanding coming from someone with GAD. Thought you’d understand mental health because you’ve been through something similar….. I don’t have a feelings for you, at least not in the way you flattered your ego with. I am not your backup friend, you’re either my friend or you’re not. And I guess you’re not because with friends like you, who needs enemies? I’m pretty sure even my enemy would wait until my mother is recuperating before wanting my attention. It’s called courtesy or manners, which I didn’t expect you to have.
PS. If the girlfriend reads this, I wish you good luck. I didn’t know about you until the day before the wedding you attended with him. And I offered to back off straightaway. If it was you who made him write the message, you also have terrible timing, and you deserve each other and be a pair of dicks together. If you didn’t write it, good luck. I hope he isn’t going to be a fair weather boyfriend to you…..
Post # 4
You would be better off sending this message to yourself. You knew what he was and allowed him to get close to you again after he blew you off because of panic attacks, (which sounds absolutely ridiculous). The fact that you’re this angry suggests that he was more than a friend to you.
I’m sorry about your mother, I hope she improves.
Post # 5
Letter writing is actually pretty therapeutic. I agree with pp, pour your feelings out in this letter, and then don’t send it.
Post # 6
sunburn : This is sort of a letter to myself…. I nearly, nearly wrote stuff on Facebook, which would have been a terrible idea. And I’m not angry (surprisingly) maybe because I knew a few months back already that we could never be together (we had zero chemistry on the one occasion we met then with a visiting mutual friend) and he didn’t meet my single most important criteria I want in a guy….I guess I’m more pissed off with his timing than anything else. I have been struggling a lot since September already with my grandmother’s funeral, then my mother needing a coronary bypass. I am struggling to figure out my thoughts (therapist is off until January when campus reopens) and I feel like a lost person in the middle of the sea trying to stay afloat, clinging on anything passing by…. and this happened to be a wrong type of canoe….
Post # 7
Sansa85 : this is kinda what I’m trying to do…. I just don’t currently have time, energy or patience to do a handwritten one right now.
Post # 8
timonandpumba : Coronary bypasses can be very successful. I’ll think good thoughts for your mother. Take care.
Post # 9
timonandpumba : I read that post and remember neither sounded like a winner or someone worth getting involved with, but the thoughts were there. Hopefully you can lean on your friends and just ignore the BS. No reason to let drama and negative vibes in! I wish your mom a speedy recovery, and you feel better soon as well! So sorry about your grandma too 🙁
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
What in the world, I am lost. Anyway speedy recovery to your mom. Sorry about your grandma
Post # 11
Iam so sorry about your mother. I hope she improves and is home for Christmas.
I wish you peace.
Post # 12
timonandpumba : Screw em. My “best friend” pull some shit like this when I needed him after I had major surgery, san the note. Really most people are just selfish dickbags.
I hope your mom has a speady recovery and you are blessed with better friends in the future.
Post # 13
I don’t think there is any point in denying you are angry OP, you clearly are . And not really thinking straight , (sansa didn’t suggest handwriting anything )
I agree with pp’s , just let the letter lie , don’t bother sending it , and certainly don’t go back on your sensible decision to keep it off social media .
However, if you feel you must communicate with K , I’d lose all the slangy dick/stunt/woodwork stuff, and the girlfriend references and say very simply you feel he has been such a poor friend to you that it is unlikely you will ever be in contact again . Wish him well for the future (ahem, I know) and say goodbye .
Keep your dignity here OP.
PS, I do hope your mum recovers soon.
Post # 14
Thanks Bees. Just needed to get it out there in the big bad internet realm. I’m not planning on contacting him…. if he decides to pull such moves at a bad time and be negative in general, it’s a reflection on him, not me. A few months ago, I would have wanted the last word, but somewhere along the line, with all the drama at school etc and therapy, I’ve changed a bit. In my head, I just gave him a big middle finger, and walked off, without even bothering to acknowledge his existence anymore. His fair weatherness is not worth it. It’s Bad-weather friends who are the ones worth keeping….
On a different note, my mother is now at home, so I’m being kept busy by her demands and keeping an eye on her(she’s like a toddler who runs off and does stuff because she’s very independent, but she’s not allowed to for the next six weeks- not even opening the curtains for now!!)
Post # 15
elderbee : thanks bee for the reminder about the dignity. I don’t plan on contacting him…. and I am usually quite a bit more polite with my vocab….. I think that’s why I like this place, I just got the frustration out and it’s over….