- 6 years ago
- Wedding: November 1999
For longer than I can even remember, I have been treated for debilitating depression. I was diagnosed at a very young age, and for 20 years I have been struggling to even function day to day. I’m currently in my 8th year of undergrad (with about 2 breaks of being in hospital) to finish a B.S. in Biology and a minor in Econ, which is annoying many around me to no end 🙁 Many relatives of mine have also been plagued with this terrible mental illness, but thankfully, not to the extent that both my mother and I have suffered. There are many memories that I do not feel comfortable mentioning, but pharmaceutical treatment and counseling have not gotten me anywhere near being truly content with my life. I’ve kept a very open mind through every avenue of treatment, and have incorporated both a healthier diet and exercise into my routine…only to feel numb to everything around me. How my dear Fiance has dealt with me over the years is something I will never understand, but something I will never be able to show him enough gratitude. He is truly my best friend and the reason I still have hope. He sees great things that I only wish that I could see. What I ultimately want is to be able to offer him the love he deserves, my family the reassurance that I will one day be okay, the friends who have stood by me the lifelong friendship they deserve, and the ability to jump into a career one day and give it all that I have. It’s breaking my heart that those who care about me are so worried.
I apologize for my rambling on, and for divulging so many negative things. I haven’t found anyone I can relate to, who sadly hasn’t succumbed ultimately to their depression. I am thankful that I haven’t reached that point, and pray that I never will. I just feel so alone.