(Closed) A life-long sufferer of Depression

posted 6 years ago in Wellness
Post # 3
1360 posts
Bumble bee

I was also diagnosed with depression at the age of 14, and have had it for almost 5 years. I understand some of what you’re going through, and I know the numbness you feel. I feel it constantly, and it seems like every time I try to push it back, or do something to distract myself, it takes over even more the next time it hits me. I have a social anxiety disorder and a panic disorder as well..and I work in a hospital enviroment where I have to talk to people I don’t know and relate to them. It’s almost impossible, and sometimes it seems like I’ll never be alright.

I don’t take any medication, because my parents refused to accept that it was the right way to treating my problems…which have stemmed from things that go back as far as 4 years old. They believe prayer, and God, will ultimately fix everything. I’m not saying they’re wrong, and since I do still live under their roof I feel it’s wrong to go against them and get on medication that I (know) can help. 

I sympathize with you, and empathize with you. If you ever need to talk, or just vent, PM me. I’m always here and I want you to know that you’re NEVER alone. There is always someone out there that understands (albeit, not completely) what you’re dealing with. My SO is, in relation to your Fiance, exactly what I needed in my life. I don’t know what I’d do without him!


Edit: Like MissPumpkinPie, I also quit college at 18. I felt nothing, and it was not only stressful but I would have panic attacks and have to leave so frequently during class that it completely messed up my GPA. (And I was always a 4.0 GPA student, in our tiny 200 person school.)

Post # 4
9482 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

First off, (big bear hugs).

Second, I was diagnosed with manic depression when I was 14.  I suffered severely through my teen years to the point where I was suicidal, cut, etc.  I felt nothing.  I was completely numb.  I found some sort of hope in my ex of three years until I was broken down by the ex and family.  I was still on medications when we broke up but I had ballooned to 210lbs.  I decided everything that I was feeling and not feeling from the meds was not worth it.  I was having muscle twitches, the major weight gain, I couldn’t think or talk straight.  I cut my meds cold turkey and decided to get my life back on track.  

I wasn’t finally better until I hit about 20.  It took me two years to get me back on my feet.  I decided I was going back to college.  I was so excited.  Everything was going well for me.  I stayed single during this time.  End of summer 2009 is when I met Fiance.  I was still on top of the world for the longest time.  I finally hit another rock bottom in spring 2010.  I quit college, I began to become depressed, and just didn’t care. 

I definitely still have my moments.  Working is one of the hardest things for me because it takes so much out of me.  I’m so depressed and my body acually aches.  FI has been so supportive lately (especially after my recent break down where I told him I wanted to die).  He hasn’t abandoned me like people in the past.  He doesn’t let me out of his sight if he knows something is going on.  

I am proud of myself for pushing through enough to get myself back on my feet and working full time.  I hope to go back to school after our wedding in October so I can move on in life as well.  But there’s times where I just want to disappear and never be found.  I feel as if Fiance deserves so much better than a depressed/angry person.

It’s so draining to live this way.  I hope you feel better soon and I wish you the best of luck.  You can always PM me if you need something to talk about.  I completely understand everything you’re feeling.  (hugs)

Post # 5
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I also suffer from depression.

I was first diagnosed when I was 13.

I have been in and out of hospitals for years and tried to take my life 5 times. I even succeeded once and was clinically dead for over a minute before I was brought back.

If you want to talk privately just send me a message, Just know that you are not alone in having this issue and if you need to talk, I am here for you.

Post # 6
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Have you tried a support group? Sometimes just knowing your not alone is a help it’s not likely to hurt. Don’t give up as there are new treatments all the time. I have heard that shock therapy is sometimes successful when everything else fails. It has come a long ways, I mean it’s not like the old notion of hooking up to electricity. I know it takes a few treatments and then 6 wk maintenance. It’s not on a lot of doctors radiar, but research it because I have heard it can work!

Post # 7
1024 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I can relate to you a lot and Im glad that somebody has mentioned ECT because it can do miracles…Its not at all as bad as people think it is and in my opinion doctors should do it a lot more often but wont because of the stigma. If you want more info about it please dont hesitate to msg me. 

Post # 8
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Canal St Inn

(Sorry for the length.)

Wow, reading all of these posts made feel so relieved and so sad all at the same time. It’s just amazing to know just how many people truly suffer from this illness. Stats are one thing, but hearing others’ experiences is completely different. One of the many great things about this site. I find I have a lot in common with many of you ladies.

I was diagnosed when I was was very young as well. I was on meds for a very brief time as a kid, my mom didn’t like the way I acted when I was on them. And I haven’t been on anything since. More than likely due to lack of stable finances throughout my life, a HUGE factor in my depression and anxiety. Several personal life events have attributed to both of these, and I’m not sure if the anxiety is causing the depression or the depression is causing the anxiety.

My FH has, since I first got to know him, always been very caring, understanding, and loving, in a way so surpassing my own parents. Since then I moved up to be with him and he has been an amazing support. He proposed only a few weeks ago, though we’ve talked about it a lot over our last 4 years together, and I’m still kind of on a cloud. But every now and then, either the anxiety or the depression kicks back in, sometimes for a few minutes or hours, sometimes for a few days. I’m slowly getting better at curbing it, but some days it’s really rough. I can sometimes get angry when seriously stressed, and it can be hard to get me out of it. Sometimes it goes from anger to full blown depression and it takes me a while to come back down to earth. Sometimes it lingers, and sometimes, often with a hug and a conversation with my Fiance, I’m fairly sated, but after a while of still being so anxious and my depression getting deeper, I decided to get some help.

I’ve recently started seeing a doctor, and it’s been well over a decade since I talked to a doctor before her. And I only saw him once. Seeing her has been really good for me, I look forward to getting things off my chest when our appointment rolls around. I don’t know if this will work out in helping me get to where I want to be, mental health-wise. But I know that if it doesn’t, that I can’t stop looking. Every year new sciences, therapies, and medications come out. It can take years to pinpoint the right solution for any one victim of depression. What I’m saying is don’t give up because the doctors/treatments you’ve tried so far haven’t gotten you where you want to be yet. It’s an ongoing condition that can’t be “cured,” only treated. I also think a support group is a fantastic idea, I mean just look at how much support you have just on this thread alone.

I don’t know if this will help, but whenever I feel crappy, I read a bookmarked article from Cracked.com. It says that depression chokes off the horizon, makes it impossible for you to see that you have the power to change your world. And even by just trying, as you are now, your still changing yours. You should be proud of that.

You are not alone. I’m new to the site, but if you want to chat, PM me.

Post # 10
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I had childhood depression from the age of four (yes, four). I’ve picked up a number of diagnoses along the way (especially after becoming a victim of crime for the first time). I now cannot work and possibly never will due to the level of my disability. So I understand where you’re coming from.

Finding adequate help for serious mental illness is very difficult. Treatment resistant depression usually requires a period of time spend in a specific depression unit and/or electroconvulsive therapy. Have you tried more than one class of antidepressant? While SSRIs are usually the standard, it is worth trying SNRIs or even MAOIs (though the dietary restrictions are frustrating).

I think on the senitmental side, it’s also worth noting that our partners would not be with us, let alone marrying us, if they weren’t completely content with ‘looking after’ us, even on our bad days.

Post # 11
886 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@SarahM786:  Have you spoken with your doctor about ECT or TMS? It’s amazingly helpful to people with severe depression (and other illneses) that don’t respond to medication/psychotherapy. And even though there are awful movies out there about what it’s like, it’s nothing the way it’s portrayed in the media. It’s safe enough to even be done while pregnant or when you are elderly. Just another thought for you. 20 years depressed is far too long to be suffering! Best wishes to you and everyone else here struggling with mental illness.

Post # 13
9482 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@SarahM786:  Please do.  I’ll be here for you no matter what.  =)

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