(Closed) A list/ B List questions

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We have the same issue.  Here’s what we are doing: The A list will go out on X date.  AS SOON AS a NO comes in, a B list invite goes out.  It will take some invited a few days to get places so it won’t look like there really was a B list at all. 

So invites go out, I get numbers 14, 54, and 87 back as NO.  Blist number 201,201,203 go out in the mail.

Hope this helps!!!!

Post # 5
39 posts
  • Wedding: August 2011

By etiquette standards A list and B lists are forbidden. Personally, if I am on the B list I would rather not be invited.

If you proceed you may have some hurt feelings. Only you can decide if the risk reward is worth it.

Post # 7
9 posts
  • Wedding: April 2011

just a word of warning… we sent out invites to 140 people on Feb 6 with an RSVP date by April 1… to this day we only have 3 “no’s”  with 39 people that we havent heard back from.  so the “no’s” might not come quickly and give you as smooth of a turn around as you might hope.  sorry 🙁

Post # 8
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

We got most of our “no” responses closer to our rsvp date. Good luck with a ‘B’ list. It seems rather stressful and risky to me.

Post # 9
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I understand why you would want to go with an A list B list, but – like others have said – there are risks. Maybe you could send out all of your A list invites except for the cousins AND the aunts/uncles. As responses come in (or don’t come in) you can make the decision to send the remaining invites out to everyone, or just your A list.

Post # 10
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@lessons: We are going to have a similar issue. I have a HUGE family, each of my parents have 10 siblings and each of them are married and have several children. We cannot afford to have the wedding we want and invite everyone. My plan is to invite the family i am closest to and to let the rest know that we are having an intimate event and although we wish we can invite everyone, it cant be done. But if more space becomes available we we send them an invite.

I wouldnt be offended if I found out i was on a B list becase I know the person still would like me there. It better than not getting an invite at all. Just be open and honest about it an im sure your cousins will understand.

  Oh and i totally get the whole “levels” thing. I have an aunt who has 8 adult children and based on our preliminary guest list i cannot invite all of them. Im not super close to them and i have other family members that i am close to that i want to invite. I dont want to pick and choose between siblings so we are considering not inviting any of them.

Post # 11
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I thought of doing an A and B list, but didn’t in the end. Almost all of the ‘no’s came right at or after the RSVP date, and I am still chasing down some people who I suspect will ultimately be ‘no’s at two weeks from the wediing. A B list just wouldn’t work unless you started the whole process quite early and set an early RSVP date for the A listers.

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