(Closed) A little cheese with my whine? (bad waiting day)

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
2892 posts
Sugar bee

That drives me crazy. It’s an important occasion so you think they must be thinking about it as much as you are. Then to find out it had completely slipped their mind, ugh, crushing. And it’s especially more crushing if you didn’t have a good day already. You never know, him proposing may make you completely forget about the fact that you were having a rough patch. Hope your luck turns around. 🙂

Post # 4
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

I’ve known of a lot of people who were having difficulties in their relationship when the man proposes.  All of those people are super happy right now!  I’m not saying that doing that predicts happiness, I’m just saying that sometimes, an engagement improves the difficulties.  Or the difficulties make someone realize they want to get married because they’d rather be fighting with you than someone else.  Who knows!  I wouldn’t worry about your proposal being in the midst of struggle.

Post # 6
63 posts
Worker bee

TankGirl —

One thing I’ve learned from my relationship and from this WB board is that we ALL have rough patches…  tough waiting days.  And we all need comfort and a place to vent.  And that is what the Waiting Board is for!  I’m so glad you posted!

Another thing I’ve learned is that I think the 2ish year mark is when things start to get a little….  different…  in a relationship.  The honeymoon stage is over.  The “we’re a great couple and everything is great in our new-ish relationship” stage is over.  And right around the end of the 2nd year is when things start to get a little “too settled in”.  The woman starts to get restless.  The man starts to get complacent.  The relationship is no longer new and fresh.  Your sex life starts to get into a rut.  Life just….  is….    and it doesn’t seem to be changing or developing or progressing forward.  This is kinda of when this started to happen for me too.  And for me, it was shortly after our 2nd anniv. when I burst into tears in front of him b/c, on one particular night, a comment from him made me realize that (despite the fact that I thought he already “knew I was the one”…so I was just waiting for the proposal) he had no idea if I was “the one” and the thought of marriage had never crossed his mind.  It totally crushed me. 

My point is, I wouldn’t worry that things are “different” right now…and I especially wouldn’t let that “discourage” you from wanting an engagement (unless you’re having doubts about whether he’s “the one”).  Relationships go through ebbs and flows.  And relationships settle in.  I know my relationship will never have the same “shiny new ball”-ness of when we first started dating (or even the first 1.5 yrs), but I know that I am with my best friend in the world that I can’t imagine spending life without. 

I also wouldn’t worry about his response to your anniversary evening.  In short, he forgot.  Men suck at dates, especially anniversaries.  He was trying to let you know about his man-plans in advance (which you said you appreciated).  And when he realized that he had planned man-plans on your anniversary, he didn’t hesitate to change his mind to spend that evening with you.  Anniversaries don’t mean as much to men as women…  they don’t see it as an “accomplishment” like we do.  Like I said, they have become complacent and are just happy in the relationship – regardless of how long it’s been going on (especially since they probably have no clue how long it’s been going on).  Be happy that he didn’t think twice about changing his plans to spend your precise anniv. date with you.  Feel loved that he didn’t say, “But I already have plans with my boys…can we do our anniv. on another night?” 

Just from reading your post, it sounds like everything is just fine….   even though it doesn’t feel like the same rainbows and unicorns that it was before.

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