Post # 32
I think a lot of guys yell. And many men do tend to have pent up agressive tendencies they need an outlet for. Throwing things occasionally I’m not sure I would think is a huge deal, but on a regular basis, yeah, that would alarm me. Breaking things would be scary. Sounds like the guy might need to get out of the house more and do something active. Be careful of the guys who are heavy gamers though. They tend to have addictive personalities, which can affect the amount of attention they put into a relationship.
Post # 33
my Fiance does this too, not as much, but he’ll yell and smack his computer keyboard. I’m really jumpy and this always makes me tense up and I really don’t like it. But I know it’s harmless behavior, so I try to be less bothered by it, and he tries to tone it down. It’s hard to control it when you get really into a game, I’ll cuss at games or smack the couch a little so I understand where he’s coming from, I just hate the LOUD smacking on the computer. I would talk to him again, while he’s calm and not playing. I don’t know if making an agreement is really the best thing to do, it might lead to resistance/resentment more than cooperation because it feels controlling. I would just tell him why it bothers you, and ask him to try to tone it down out of respect for your feelings. Be open to compromise, decide where you need to draw the line (maybe NO throwing things, but try to bear a few outbursts of swering) and understand this is sometimes the nature of playing competitive games.
Post # 34
I couldn’t help but smile and laugh a little bit reading this post. If this is your biggest relationship problem, that is a good thing! Not to minimize your concerns, but I don’t see it as a big issue. It wouldn’t bother me.
Post # 35
I think it’s pretty normal for guys to do this when they’re playing video games. My honey does this sometimes, and i just say “babe, stop yelling” and he’s like “oh, I’m sorry” but that’s about it. But sometimes they just get in the zone and there’s no stopping them lol
Post # 36
I think it isnt healthy him spending so much time on something that makes him so frustrated…but maybe he has a lot of pent up frustration and stress from work that needs letting out. Does he get angry all the time or only when you are there as well? Does he do something and then look to you for a reaction. I’m not saying you are the cause of the anger but sometimes it can be attention seeking behaviour.
I learnt to ski a few years ago, not very good at it and everytime I went, I would get really angry and frustrated with myself. So I decided to never go again – I didn’t like the person I became when on my skis. I think you need to wait for him to come to the realisation.
Maybe you could buy a more “gentle” game that the two of you could play together.
Post # 37
@HannahJobanna: His behavior is roughly the equaivelant of getting angry at a sport game. Boy, I would be divorced from my husband by now if that was the issue.
I am a domestic violence advocate with a wealth of knowledge on the topic, & I can say for sure that anger at a game is not the same as anger &/or DV in the relationship.
If you grew up witnessing domestic violence in any way, I can see why it would be concerning, but otherwise I hope you learn to see aggression at a game as sepreate from aggression in a relationship. If you ever just want to vent, talk, or seek advice, please PM me!
Post # 38
Thanks for the suggestions all. Talked to him last night shortly after making this post, and this morning we discussed different ways for me to let him know I’m uncomfortable while he’s in the heat of the moment.
The game system has always been in our bedroom because our roommates would not let him play in the common areas due to this behavior. However, it still disturbs them because he gets loud. Two of our three roommates have said something to him without prompting from me since I made this post.
I didn’t realize this was such a common reaction to games. I was raised in a household where yelling and screaming were reserved for emergency situations, so it extra stresses me out when it happens and there’s nothing really wrong.
I realize my poll questions seem limited, but they were designed as a supplement to the comments.
I’m not going to “do nothing” because it is still unacceptable behavior to me, and while I realize I can’t change this behavior completely, I’m going to try and quell it a little bit at least.
The insight from some of the users who are gamers was helpful. Others seemed more defensive and accusatory, like it’s my fault for making something out of nothing. To them I would turn the question to them: how would you feel if you were simply minding your own business when suddenly the person next to you has an aggressive outburst over what to you seems like nothing? It’s stressful, whether it’s right or wrong.
In conclusion, most of you were helpful, however I think some people don’t think it’s as big of a deal as I do.
Post # 39
- Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church
My fiance terrifies everyone in the house when he screams at his video games, but he never gets angry about anything else in life. If games are his outlet, so be it. If you don’t like the yelling, just do what the dogs and I do when it gets too loud: go do something else.
Post # 40
I hate to be the red flag.. But hear me out! I could never marry a man who has any violent tendencies at all. Even towards a video game. I’ve had a lot of people close to me be abused, and any man who yells or throws things is a warning sign. One of my closest friends was physically abused for a long time, and she said she missed all the beginning signs. The first sign? He yelled and would hit furniture or throw things. The awful thing? When I’m with her, and I hit my knee when I’m laughing, she FLINCHES. It’s heartbreaking. She cringes and her entire body shakes. She left because she didn’t want her children to grow up with someone like that.. Because children get their examples from their parents.
Someone very close to me was abused, and the one piece of advice she gave me? Never marry a man who loses his temper easily. Marry someone with an even temper. Because one day, the man who loses his temper at little things will lose his temper and take it out on you.
Post # 41
I understand that it bothers you, so I think a little bit of compromise from him isn’t unreasonable. This is especially true since you have housemates who are also being affected by the situation. It’s not so much about the specific behaviors he displays but about being considerate of other people.
However, as PPs have already noted, this isn’t really uncommon or “red flag” behavior at all. Neither my husband or I are gamers, but we are rabid sports fans. When one of our teams is on TV, there is a lot of screaming going on and even the occasional throwing of something soft and/or small but always not valuable (lol). I think as long as he’s willing to tone it down some and not shake the walls with his voice, it should be okay.
Also, if he only displays this behavior while gaming and at no other time, it’s not a red flag.