Post # 1
I just got my cousin’s wedding invitation in the mail. We were very close as kids, but since we live thousands of miles apart, have not seen eachother in recent years.
When I got engaged three weeks ago, I personally called her to tell her. I extended this courtesy to most of my family. She has also met my fiance before. My fiance and I have been together for nearly 4 years, so she knows who he is. Also, we are friends on FB and all the information is there.
So I get the invitation to her wedding and it’s addressed to only me. Not even Ms. DreamingofDiamonds, literally just my name, handwritten in teal blue ink. I’m a little taken aback and confused, is my fiance invited?
The RSVP card on the inside has only one line for a name, but then it has a seperate line that says “number attending ___” with nothing filled in.
Here is literally what the RSVP card looks like:
We look forward to celebrating with you!
Please reply by July 15, 2013
Number attending ________
Unable to attend _________
What do you guys think? I may try calling my mom or my aunt first. The way the invitation was addressed was extremely informal, so maybe she just expects me to put in both our names and 2 attending? I’m not really sure…
ETA: I would be travelling by plane, booking a hotel, and missing a day at work unpaid since I just started at a new job in order to attend this wedding, so I kind of feel that if fiance is not invited, I probably won’t be attending.
Post # 3
That it only has one line for a name isn’t uncommon, although it is often printed on cards as “M____________________” (meaning you could fill in, for example, Ms. DreamingofDiamonds, Ms. Dreaming of Diamonds & Mr. Diamonds, etc. It’s a pretty neutral line).
That said, traditionally, because only your name was written on the invitation, that means only you are invited. That’s a breech of etiquette, your fiance should have ben invited with you – so I do think you might want to go with your gut and clarify.
Post # 4
well it could just be an informal invitation?
i dont think it would say #attending if they only wanted who it was adressed to there.
our invitations were only addressed to the person who lived at the address (even if we knew they had girlfriends) but they could still fill in how many people were attending
but for people living together we put both names on the invitation.
it is confusing, but i am sure he is invited
Post # 5
@nmsa: Thanks for the response, I guess I will ask my mom first, not sure how to handle this, I don’t want to offend them if they can’t afford to invite him… but considering our family is really small, I would expect that they would invite all immediate family.
@mrsrecon: We have been living together over 3 years, and like I mentioned, she met him before… I just am still confused, I guess I will try to get clarification. It DOES seem extremely informal as far as invitations go.
I’m just confused, why didn’t they fill in a number attending as 1 or 2 so that I wouldn’t have to second guess this?
Post # 6
*little bump to see if there are any other interpretations*
Post # 7
She may have done the invitations before you announced your engagement and it slipped her mind in the midst of the rest of her planning.
Honestly, Wedding Bee is the only place I have heard brides with fierce resolve to specifically invite only certain people and specifically not invite those who don’t meet criteria A, B, and C. In my life, I find that people are so very excited to include. Therefore, if you’re close enough to personally call her to share your news of engagement, I don’t think it would be inappropriate to touch base with her to clarify. Just approach it from a place of being so excited for her and honored to be invited, and if the answer is that he isn’t invited for any reason… don’t protest. RSVP how you wish and that’s that.
Post # 8
@DreamingofDiamonds: I would just call to ask.
Post # 10
The guest fills out the number attending line to RSVP. The host doesn’t write anything there. You or your mom should just ask them if he’s invited or not even though that address would usually mean that he isn’t.
Post # 11
I would just write both names and write two attending and go from there. The invitation wasn’t formally written so just add the two. She should’ve made it 100% clear. If there’s a miscommunication, then she can call you and you can then make your decision on going or not 🙂 If I didn’t want extra guest going, I would have formally wrote the persons full name and how many attending And word of mouth or called that person personally knowing they are in a relationship. Give them a explanation why I could only invite one.
Post # 12
@DreamingofDiamonds: Putting the first name doesn’t make it an informal invitation. The invitation is clear. Only you have been invited, according to the invitation. Formality or informality has nothing to do with it. The invitation invites exactly one person: you.
(As for why he’s not invited, it could be that as a relative, they decided you’d know other people and wouldn’t need a partner to acoompany you).
Therefore simply writing in “2” and your fiance’s name is not an option.
It is ok though, in my opinion, to politely enquire whether there has a mistake and whether she intended to invite your fiance. Do this not in a demanding way (“please invite fiance”) but in a way in which either “yes” or “no” is ok, (“I’m phoning to enquire whether fiance is invited”). That is what I’d do.
Post # 13
@shaka: Thanks, I definitely thought we were close enough, I only have 2 cousins and spent a few weeks at her house every summer as a kid… just seems weird. I definitely would include her and her fiance, even if they weren’t engaged yet, especially since she would be travelling. I think I will just have my mom or dad contact her mom.
@paula1248: I guess I didn’t mean informal, just less formal than any invitation I’ve ever received. I’m so used to FI and I being invited together, even by people we aren’t really close to that this just hit me offguard. I agree that if I were local, not inviting him would make more sense, but I’m not going to travel over 1000 miles without him, especially because his family is in the same area, so we would want to visit both families (his after the wedding of course). I’ll just have my parents inquire to her mom, I don’t want to put her in an awkward position if she truly meant not to include FI.
Post # 14
I think given the casual nature of the invite I’d ask. Though it’s probably best to assume the your FI is not invited. Take it graciously if your enquiry confirms this.
Post # 15
Traditionally, the guest is supposed to be offended at the fill in the card style RSVP because it implies that they are incapable of writing back a proper reply without being reminded! Today, a lot of people reluctantly use these cards as a necessary evil. However, the host does not fill in the number attending – that is for the guest to do. It varies with the number attending out of those *specifically* invited. In this case, only you were invited. You don’t get to add extra people on that line.
However, it is a breach of etiquette to exclude the engaged partner of a guest. You may call and ask if they meant to include your FI or have a relative who is closest to the host ask on your behalf. However, if they say no, your only real recourse is not to attend.
Post # 16
Whups!!!!! This exact thing happened to me once, before I found wedding bee, and we wrote in both names and number of guests. Come wedding day, FI didn’t have a name card and the waiters had to scramble and make an extra place setting at the table. It was soooo embarrassing! but every one of our friends at the wedding assured us it didn’t make sense if only one of us was invited. We never spoke about this to the bride abs groom. It was weird. To be honest, till this day I still don’t know if the invite was really intended for 1 or if they made a mistake…. Oh well! Thank goodness I found the bee!