- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2015
I know how horrible this is going to sound, but I have to get some feedback on my proposal that I am a little disappointed by.
First of all, let me say that I LOVE my fiancé, and I am thrilled that we are going to spend the rest of our lives together. He is extremely kind, thoughtful, generous, fun, and handsome! He also can be very romantic (when he tries), which is why his proposal is so confusing to me.
Just so you have a little more back-story before I talk about the proposal, we have been dating for 4 years. I’m 24 and he is 31. We had talked about the future and getting married, but I was completely surprised by the proposal because I didn’t think it would happen for a few more years based on the timeline we had discussed.
I guess a lot of my disappointment comes from the fact that I know he is so thoughtful and romantic when he wants to be, so my expectations were perhaps higher than they should have been. I have seen him plan incredible things for friends and sometimes for people he hardly knows. I see how he treats others with all these little surprises and generosity (and me too, but only when I ask for it ;). To me, an engagement is obviously the time you want to pull out all the romance!!!
We do awesome things all the time because I try very hard to plan special date nights. I can think of 4 times in the past few months that would have been amazing times for a proposal! Also where we met and where we had our first date (2 different places) are both beautiful, remote, meaningful to us, and free – the perfect places to propose. Instead, he did it in a hotel room when we were having a random night away. I was coming out of the bathroom (wish he would stop telling people that) and he had the ring out and just said will you marry me?… He didn’t say he loved me, say my name, or say anything really except will you marry me. He is very eloquent and not a nervous person! He said he wasn’t nervous and had no doubt about what I was going to say so I’m just really wondering… why didn’t he put more thought into it?! I am definitely not saying it should have been something extravagant or this big spectacle, just a little more thought and meaning! Maybe some flowers? Candles? Even one candle??? lol
He was upset about my reaction. He said he expected me to cry and was really hoping to see that (tears of joy, of course – he’s not evil). I’m not sure how I could have… I was so stunned that he was proposing. I had just come out of the bathroom, I was exhausted, the room had my clothes and my crap all over it because I had not yet picked up… it was just totally unromantic and I was confused about why he was doing it at that moment. I feel bad that he could visibly see I was unhappy. I tried my best to hide it. He asked what was wrong and I kept assuring him I was thrilled to be marrying him and that I was just surprised he proposed. He got over my reaction the next day when I was excitedly telling family and friends and calling him fiancé. Everyone asks for the big proposal story and there just really isn’t one, although I’m not sure I’d tell them anyway because I like to keep intimate moments between us. When we told his brother, he gave him crap for the way he did it – saying it was really lame. I said no, it was nice the way he did it because obviously I love my fiancé and don’t want him to feel bad. I almost wish I didn’t say anything. The more I think about it, the more disappointment I have.
I love the ring, but I have a few things on my mind about that too. It cost him about 2 weeks salary. He tends to make pretty hefty purchases, so I did think he was going to get me this huge ring that I’d be afraid of losing or damaging. I really don’t care about its size or value. I’m having a hard time expressing myself. I’m not upset with the ring itself. It just seems uncharacteristic of him not to spend a lot on it. I know he has the money. We talk about how much he has in savings and….yowza. It’s definitely not a matter of affording it. He sometimes will take 5 or 6 of his buddies to a sporting event, rent a couple hotel rooms, buy everyone dinner, etc and definitely spends more on those nights than he spent on the ring. Maybe he just knows that I wouldn’t want anything huge? I guess I should just trust that he knows me rather than feeling insecure. He actually said he only went to one place, and he only looked at 4 rings. I’m very happy with the ring, this is not a complaint, just another observation that makes it seem like he really didn’t put much thought into this. Only 4 rings? Took him about 15 minutes. He usually contemplates major decisions for an extraordinarily long time (1 year to buy a new car, 8 months to find a new apartment, etc) I don’t know. He decided one week he was going to ask, bought the ring the next week, asked me 4 days later. I think I am just feeling insecure because of what he’s usually like with everyone else. I saw him do something for his friend for Christmas that he seemingly put way more time, energy, and thought into than this proposal. Is this even what he really wants?! :-
I’m not a “flashy” person. I’m not typically high-maintenance (though you may be unconvinced after reading this whiny post). I think I’m just so disappointed because the “engagement” was just the one day I wanted to be totally romanced and wowed… and I wasn’t. I know I will get over it. It has only been three weeks. Did anyone else feel this way??? Am I horrible? Why does it seem like my fiancé was not really into this? Some advice please! Try not to hate me!
P.S. Even though it doesn’t sound like it, I’m super happy to be engaged and very much in love. I’m just confused and insecure!