(Closed) A little disappointed with my proposal…

posted 6 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Hostess
8576 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Yes, you are overthinking it, and no you aren’t!

Let me explain. I’m sure most ladies [even myself] dream about the perfect proposal. Something sweet & unique, and just for you! Your prince charming down on one ring with the prettiest ring ever! You being with all your family and friends for them to share in that joyous moment. Mind you, this might not be what you want exactly, but the point is, we all have our fantasies. I can totally understand your pain about this.

However, he did ask! And you love him, right? That’s all that should really matter. My fi didn’t do anything really special, although he did get on one knee. I sometimes wish he did more.. but I still love him all the same!

Post # 4
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think your proposal sounds lovely. 

Post # 5
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

He sounds like a really sweet guy.  He wanted to make you happy because you are going through a rough time.  His proposal was simple and sweet.  Years down the road you will hardly remember feeling any disappointment at all and just remember how you cried and how happy you were when he told you those things and proposed.

And the whole putting on the ring thing… my fiance didn’t even know he was supposed to put the ring on my finger.  He told me to put it on and I had it halfway on and I realized he should be doing this.  So I stopped and made him put it on lol.

Post # 6
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee

I do think you are overthinking it a little, but I think that’s normal. I too just recently got engaged, and it wasn’t anything that I had in mind. Like another poster said we have this ‘dream’ proposal in mind, that is often times unrealistic. I was upset about my proposal for a half a day and then I got over it, because it doesn’t matter how it’s done that matters. It’s the fact that he loves you and wants to spend his life with you that matters. I am so happy that my fiance was able to surprise me and also gave me a loving, heartfelt speech. In hindhsight I am really glad that he didn’t propose the way that I was originally hoping, because the way he did it was more genuine and ‘us’.

 

Post # 7
Member
1848 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I think we all imagine fireworks and magic when we get engaged. Sometimes, it doesn’t happen that way. My proposal was very sweet, but I was kind of expecting it. I know how you feel.

However, I think it was very sweet and don’t worry. If you wanted the parents’ approval first, did you mention this? My mom is americanized Chinese but I’m still very traditional. I told Fiance to ask her first. She was not to be kept in the dark about this.

No worries…congratulations!

Post # 8
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You’re totally over thinking this. It’s his proposal too. Sounds like he did what felt most right to him. And a proposal in a restaurant, well, lots of guys do it that way.

Post # 9
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think you are over reacting but we are female and thats what we do 🙂 It sounds like he did it when he felt the moment was right. My best friend got engaged in their bedroom as she was sobbing that she felt fat & didnt get to pick the restaurant on her birthday. LOL.  He proposed without the whole one knee thing bc he wanted to make her happy. At the end of the day, youre engaged to a wonderful man. Enjoy wedding planning 🙂

Post # 10
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

That proposal sounds better than most one proposal story i heard at work is he just throw the ring on her lap and said “here” lol i think we have too high expectations of our proposals, mine wasn’t what i had in mind either but i hear you about times that might have been more romantic but you have so many times for him to do romantic anniversaries so i think that the fact that he proposed is most important thing you will look back on it differently in time.

Post # 11
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

My boyfriend took me to a Thai restaurant we always went to, then to a park on a 95 degree day. We sat on a park bench in misery (I suspected it was coming, so I suffered through), he said some things I no longer remember for about 2 minutes, then turned to me suddenly with the ring and started putting it on the wrong hand. He never got down on a knee. 

He still thinks he did OK. And while I was disappointed at the time – my FSIL’s husband took her away on a trip to D.C., where he proposed under the fireworks, then took her to Niagara Falls (something we could also afford) – I’ve realized that it just doesn’t really matter. 

Tons of proposals are not big. Tons of proposals are like mine or even simpler: in bed, for example. I remember feeling guilty because I wasn’t SO EXCITED. Like yours, it had felt overdue for a long time and on top of that, it was very simple.

But this is a nerve-wracking process for the guys, and I think that’s something we often forget after-the-fact when we’re evaluating the performance. He had to order that ring and be confident enough in his love for you and the relationship to buy it. 

He had to get up the nerve to put it in his pocket and decide, Today is the day I’m going to ask her to be my wife. He had to go through each step leading up to that proposal – seeing you, going off to the location where it’s intended to happen. Even if he knows the answer is likely a solid ‘yes’ – something men should be at laest fairly confident about before they propose anyway – it’s still a very life-changing moment. 

That means something. Everything leading up until that moment means something. And I think, sometimes, that can be far more romantic than the actual circumstances of the proposal itself.

I am sorry, though, that it wasn’t to your liking – I can understand and empathize. I think these feelings will fade over time, even if they never completely go away. I can’t say that I’m thrilled about our proposal story, but oddly…no one’s ever asked about it! 

In our case, we’d been living together long enough that I think our families were just happy we were no longer going to be living as heathens. 😀

Post # 12
Member
979 posts
Busy bee

@paradox  That’s exactly what my xDH did…xmas eve…”Here put this on before we visit your family so they’ll stop asking when we’ll get married, i’m sick of people asking”….so romantic….prick.

 

OP…I think you are over reacting.  You got the proposal….the ring, now it’s time to plan ahead.  A few months from now, or  a few years down the line, you’ll look back and laugh about this moment.  It will be a great memory….as mine is above….lol

Post # 13
Member
5423 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

@klusu001:  You are and you’re not.  I was with my Darling Husband 8 years before we got engaged and I was disappointed too.  All I kept thinking was “jeez man, do you not know who I am?”.  I also told no one how I felt.  Eventually you brush it off because, chances are, you know by now his style and that it may not have been what you wanted/expected but the end result is what you wanted.

Post # 14
Member
639 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

youre not overthinking it. my fi and myself are both filipino, and he didnt “ask” my dad per se though my knew he was going to at one point because we had been together for 6 yrs.

it was totally not what i envisioned for a proposal too. we just spent a night in a lovel hotel, he was finishing off his uni assignment and i was asleep. he woke me up at midnight, gave me a letter, then he went on bended knee, while i was still sitting in bed, just woken up from deep sleep… i dont know. sometimes i look back and think, man i wish we had been somewhere romantic and i was standing up while he knelt down, and i feel like a total brat saying it, he knew it wasnt the ring i wanted he even said (while he was still on his knee” dont worry ill get you better ring one day” …

 

anyway, im glad you told your story, then i know im not the only one to kinda wish to have had a better proposal. im over it now, im just so happy im getting married to my best friend. and essentially thats all that matters to me now!

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