(Closed) A little heartbroken, and confused.. time to vent! Advice appreciated!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I wouldn’t go. It may be a little late now, because flights are booked and all that, but I wouldn’t spend Christmas or New Year’s without my FH. I wouldn’t want to spend it without my family either, but if I had to make a choice, it would be to spend it with my FH.

Is there anyway you can opt out or get your BF to go with you?

Post # 4
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Personally? I’d stay home with Fiance. Why? Because you are grown ups, in an adult relationship. If he is planning on proposing (which is not the reason to stay home) then you two are obviously serious. I couldn’t miss all three of those holidays with my Fiance. Yes it sucks that you’d miss out on Christmas with your family, but, this will not be the last of those. In your married life, there will be many complicated Holiday arrangements to be made.

It’s up to you whether you want that to be now or later when you are married, but I would go ahead and start that process now. I did, anyway. We aren’t married, we have only been engaged for a month (wow, weird saying that) but…we are planning on creating a family unit together. That’s the intent of engagements – intent to spend your lives together.

I get that this is hard – we are learning how to split holidays and make it work for everyone; yesterday (Thanksgiving) was our first time as an engaged couple trying to work out the family dynamics. It’s complicated, of course. But I could never spend a holiday away from someone I’m supposed to grow old with.

As far as the family dynamics…your parents are still married and you haven’t spoken to your dad in a whole year? Do you care if I ask why or what that relates to or anything? It seems pretty significant.

Sorry for the novel! I’m wordy today.

Post # 5
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

as an adult i dont undersand the concept of “family vacations”  *shrug shoulders* and i def wouldnt spend my christmas/new year without my husband (or FH in your case) without consulting with him before i confirmed the plan/dates/bookings – its what being a grownup in a relationship is about

you seem to be left with only a few options, go or cancel your booking and lose money – i would be cancelling, not because of the hint of a proposal but because spending the time with the person i am deeply in love with is important to me

Post # 6
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree with everyone else. As a grown-up, there are definitely going to be times when you will not be with your family on holidays. When my Fiance and I got engaged we made a mutual agreement that we would not be spending any more holidays apart, because we really viewed it as us being our own little family. It sounds like you are practically engaged now, so I would start thinking about it the same way. I would cancel on your family if I were you!

And I know it’s hard. I don’t live near my family and we’re 10 minutes from his. Last year was my first year spending Christmas away from home, and while it was difficult, it would have been worse not being with him.

Post # 7
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Stay home silly ! And if your mom complains or is sad tell her your boyfriend’s secret plan ! It will all be ok, you’ll see.

Post # 8
Member
4311 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

If your flights are booked and your mom paid for it, I would pay her and bow out.  If you paid for it, bow out and use the ticket another time.  Don’t miss this!

Post # 9
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

agree with everyone else, hope you can get out of it without it costing you anything!

Post # 10
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I wouldn’t go. I can’t emagine a NIGHT without my Fiance let alone a WEEK. Just tell them you don’t want to miss such an important time with him. I’m sure they will understand, even if they get upset. I haven’t seen my family on Christmas since 2007…the same Christmas that I started dating my Fiance. They don’t like him and I’d much rather spend my time with him and his family than with the people who do nothing but talk bad about him.

Post # 11
Member
46670 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

A bit of fact checking would be in order before I would venture an opinion.

You said you have been together 3 years and that you wouldn’t be “home” for Christmas.

1. Am I correct to assume that you live together- that you do not live with your family?

2. Did he know that you had decided to travel with your family and be away for Christmas

              BEFORE you told him you would also miss his birthday and New Year’s?

IF you discussed being away for Christmas with him before you planned to go away with your family, I say go ahead and have Christmas with your family BUT change your return flight  to come home earlier so you can be there on his birthday and New Year’s Eve.

Check with a travel agent to see if it would be possible to just change the return leg of your current ticket, or if it would be cheaper to just buy a one way return ticket on a different date.

 

 

Post # 14
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i have to disagree with everyone else.  It’s silly not to spend time with your family just because there would be a proposal.  You will be with your Fiance for all holidays until eternity.  This would probably be the last time you will be able to spend with your family just by yourself. I would base the decision on what’s important to you.

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