Post # 1
- Wedding: March 2015 - On a Cliff Overlooking the Bay, Florida
Sorry for the long post but i need to vent a little.
So I’m feeling a little disrespected about my FI’s Bachelor party. To give you a little background his BFF (who is a GM) is planning it not his Brother who is the BM….. That’s another story. And he was told “just have a go bag ready and we’ll pick you up when we want” and gave a 2 week time frame. Well I’m sorry it doesn’t work like that 1st of all my Fiance works at a financial institution and just can’t call in whenever he wants and his schedule changes weekly based on how they are doing number wise to meet their goal for the month. He told the BFF I know you don’t want me to know anything about what is planned but I need to know dates in case I need to take off because he may end up having to work until 8pm the day you feel like picking him up. 3 months ago he was finally given the dates March 6,7 and 8th. He took off Fri the 6th and everything was good…..fast forward to last week. It took us 3 weeks to get a meeting with the venue, cater, florist and rental company and Both parents (they wanted to ask the venue a few questions and heave been helpful in the planning process) that we all were fee and that meeting is today March 5th I told Fiance just to give BFF a heads up because I knew he was coming into town to stay at our house (just let him know we won’t be there when he gets to the house) they day before they left for his BParty.
Well I get a text last Thursday from BFF…
- Him:” Does he really need to be at the meeting on Thursday for the ceremony” (me inside my head ….. are you really asking me this question)
- ME: Yes
- Him: Well how long will this meeting take? We got plans ma’am it’s bachelor party weekend (Me dumbfounded did you really just say this to me??)
- Me: Ummm you plans start on Friday. The meeting is between 4 vendors, our parents and us so I don’t know when it will be over.
- Him: Actually plans start Thursday night so I need to know when you will be done so we can pick him up.
- Me: Everything you have said about the BParty starts Friday, if plans changed and you didn’t notify us then that’s not my problem. You can pick him up Friday.
At this point I took a screen shot and sent it to Fiance saying “WTF?!?!?! Did you know about this?” he said NO(I beleive him because he was mad about the text) and why is he texting you this? I told him I don’t know but he better get control of his BFF before I say something I won’t take back. I got a BS Sorry text from the BFF (only because Fiance made him) and he was told hot to text me again. But it doesn’t stop there He is still texting Fi and calling him to see when we will be done so they can pick him up I heard him on the phone the other night saying Look just pick me up Friday that when you said this starts I would like to spend the night with her . Well now the BFF has 2 other Groomsmen texting and calling to get a timeframe of when they can pick him up on Thursday. This really pisses me off because he already told him no less than 10 times he will not be available until Friday. MY Fiance have never had a fight but this could be a big one. 1st his BFF pretty much said FU our party is more important than your wedding (He and his parent agree with me on this one and they are not happy) and 2nd I feel disrespected because they know how we feel and he told him Thurs is a no go and they are still even this morning asking what time they are picking him up tonight. My Fiance knows I’m pissed because we haven’t spoken in 2 days and I saw the text between BFF and Him last night. He told BFF to stay clear from me and do not call or text him Thursday. I want my Fiance to go and have a good time I really do I was so happy when they finally told him dates but what I’m mad about is Don’t change the dates and not tell anyone. We have lives, we make plans and our wedding is in 23 days, this month we have meetings with the venue each week going over last min details and final preparation.
I know his friends are just really excited but to continually ask hoping I will “quit acting like a bitch and ease up” and change my mind and let him out of the meeting so he could go on Thursday ( I saw the text from BFF) really Pissed me off and makes me feel disrespected. I told Fiance this morning before he went to work I’ll just pack a bag and stay with my mom tonight so I don’t ruin your trip if it’s that important to the guys just leave after the meeting and I’ll have dinner with our parents and you can go to your party. I told him I do not want to see BFF especially after reading the text messages because if he thought I was a bitch before I can really show him what a bitch looks like.
Would you feel hurt and disrespected also?
Post # 2
I would be annoyed, especially when he said no to Thursday and they keep bugging him (that’s a BIG thing with me, I hate when people try to pressure me into stuff when I already told them the answer is no), but I think you’re over reacting juuuuuuust a bit. Take a breath, and remember your Fiance is on your side with this one.
Post # 3
It sounds like your Fiance is agreeing with you and not trying to start the party on Thursday so I’m not sure why you’re mad at him and/or not speaking to him? He does need to tell his friends to stop calling you names as that IS disrespectful but I don’t get why you’re packing a bag and getting huffy with him about “I’ll just stay at my parents tonight”???
Post # 4
I honestly don’t see the big deal. The Groomsmen wanted to pick him Fiance Thursday after work, Fiance already took Friday off so the work schedule is a non issue. You told Groomsmen that Fiance has to meet with the vendors so he asked when he can pick him up after. Groomsmen didn’t suggest that Fiance should leave early or try to intefere with the meetings at all. I think you’re making a big deal out of nothing. If your Fiance really doesnt want to be picked up Thursday, let him deal with that. If you ask me though, I’m willing to bet that he’s doing that to make you happy since he know how you feel about it and doesnt really care either way.
Post # 5
I don’t see why it’s such a big deal for him to go after the meeting. Frankly I would have just laughed and said skip the meeting – I don’t know why he really needs to be there. But I’m pretty laid back.
Post # 6
I mean, I get why this is annoying, but I also agree you’re overreacting just a little bit. I really didn’t see anything in those text messages that screamed disrespect and hurtful, but that’s just me. Guys can be kind of oblivious and blunt about things and it comes off wrong. I don’t know if I was feeling “hurt and disrespected” because your FI’s groomsman is excited about the bachelor party, and I can’t even fault him if he cares more about the bachelor party than the wedding. It’s not his wedding, it’s your wedding. I do find it very annoying that he gave you specific dates and is trying to change it last minute. Don’t get upset with your Fiance, he’s clearly with you on this one and you’re the one who is now telling him that he wants to go to the party. If your Fiance is saying he’ll stay with you tonight and go tomorrow, then let him.
Like I said, yes, I appreciate that it’s annoying, but I wouldn’t be hurt and disrespected by anything but your last paragraph when you said you saw a text from BFF that called you a bitch. That’s a big no-no for me. I wouldn’t tolerate FI’s friends or brothers calling me names no matter what.
Post # 7
It sounds like they have some sort of a road trip going on?
Personally, so long as he goes to the meeting (which he sounds on board with) I’d say let him go after to keep the peace.
actually, I would have said that before three grown men started harassing the two of you and blowing up his phone calling you names. Screw that sort of behaviour, let them wait until Friday.
it would have been different if they had done something nice for you instead of complaining you’re a bitch, like asking the bridesmaids to come over on Thursday night for a movie or had gotten you a manicure or something to make up for it, but instead they turned into whiny little manchildren and called you names. 🙁
Post # 8
I would be annoyed that his BFF was refering to me as a bitch and trying to make me seem unreasonable. It is annoying that they want to start on Thursday evening and it would annoy me to be harrassed about it, but I would just try and chill, let Fiance go after the vendor meeting and hope that BFF drinks so much he is hungover as hell and feels like shit! lol.
Post # 9
I get that you’re annoyed, but don’t be passive aggressive with your Fiance. It’s not his fault his friends are badgering, and he’s done all the “right” things, like telling them to leave you alone, and standing his ground. He can’t control what other people say or do.
“Offering” (but really threatening) to stay at your parent’s place so he can “have his party”, and not tlaking to him for days is passive aggressive. Don’t take your frustration out on your Fiance.
Post # 10
People say garbage to make themselves appear to be big shots, so don’t even give consideration to the fact that some of FI’s friends gossip like nitwits is just babybaby stuff.
If you’re willing to respond with more of the same, it will continue and escalate. You will need to decide if that’s what you really want.
The “disrespect” thing gets overplayed in my opinion. Since you are obviously and clearly TOTALLY IN THE RIGHT, you don’t have to react to the sillies in any way, and you don’t have to take issue with you fiancee.
Let it play out and you assume the role of the only adult in the mix. It will then disappear after the boys have their celebration and you and Fiance will be able to enjoy your beautiful wedding.
Post # 11
I’m going to assume this groomsman is unmarried? Or had the kind of wedding where he did nothing and his wife did everything? I can definitely see why you’re annoyed, because he’s not taking into account how much work you actually need to do to put the wedding together. And honestly, I would be livid if any of the groomsmen leading up to the wedding decided to call me a bitch to my fiancé. If you normally have a good relationship with him, though, it sounds like him just being extremely immature and running his mouth. Your fiancé needs to just send them all a group text saying that he doesn’t know when the meetings end and wanted to spend the evening with you anyway before leaving for the weekend, so he’ll see them Friday morning.
Post # 12
Dickhead, butthole, jerk (the BFF, that is)!
But your fiance bears some responsibility.
I hate that the friends see you as some kind of captor, forcing your Fiance to attend meetings about the wedding. Your Fiance needs to disabuse them of this notion, and now. He needs to tell them. “Hey, I am going to this meeting Thursday night because it’s my wedding and I care. My Fiance is not forcing me to do this, so quit bugging her.”
That needs to have been said yesterday. The BFF is being an a-hole, but your Fiance needs to step up.
Post # 13
BFF is behaving like a frat boy afraid of losing his buddy & he’s behaving immaturely and unreasonably. He wants to plan a bachelor bash which is fine, but he doesn’t seem respectful of FI’s work or relationship commitments. Having a ‘go bag’ packed and ready without a specific date isn’t something most of us could manage- and that wasn’t even about you, it was about FI’s job. And you have no problem with Fiance spending Friday/ Saturday/ Sunday with his buddies/ bachelor party weekend.
But what some people seemed to have missed is that BFF’s first question to you was does your Fiance have to go to the wedding-related meeting with the parents/ vendors etc? To me this reads “so are you going to be a cool fiancee and let him off the hook to come have fun with us or are you going to keep him on a short leash attending all that boring wedding crap?” This is insulting, I would be offended.
And re: Thursday night, you were saying you honestly didn’t know what time you & your Fiance & parents would be finished with the vendors. You’ve been accommodating, BFF has been pushy & rude. He’s acting like your wedding plans are interfering with his buddy-time, like it’s a tug-of-war btw you to see who gets your Fiance. And he’s trying to lay the “well I guess you’re pussy-whipped by an unreasonable bitch bro” routine on your Fiance in order to pressure Fiance to go along with his plans to PROVE he’s not pussy-whipped. Which is lame-ass reverse psychology b.s. on BFF’s part.
Bottom line: BFF is acting like an immature douche. Fiance has stood his ground & isn’t letting BFF push him around so I don’t see why you’re mad at FI? He’s caught in the middle but he’s not the bad guy in this. BFF needs to stop his power-tripping and learn to compromise. Thursday night AFTER the prior wedding-related plans is more than fair so BFF needs to suck it up and stop badgering people trying to get his own way on everything.
Post # 14
<—- what she said. exactly.
Post # 15
- Bachelor(ette) parties that require taking time of from work are ridiculous. WTF kind of “bachelor” party needs to be 3+ days?
- The best friend has shown clear that he has no respect for you. Since bachelor parties tend to be disrespectful to the brides to begin with (with lap dances, etc.) I definitely would not trust this asshole to organize my FH’s bachelor party.
- My fiance would absolutely stop being friends with a “friend” who called me a bitch–he would in any case but especially if the context is organizing a party related to his marriage to me.
How old are you/your fiance/his friends? This all seems so immature and awful to me. I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. Why is your fiance still planning on taking off work and going on a long bachelor party with the man who called you a bitch?