(Closed) A little mean or good idea?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
4406 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

This is really the way you want to get engaged? 

Post # 20
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If you are trying to get him excited about getting married, you are in the wrong relationship. Don’t try to change him. He is who he is. From your own accord, you stated that he said he would get married with you so that you can continue your relationship.

Dang, girl. If he doesn’t want to get married but will get married, but he isn’t getting married in the state of mind that you want, you think lying to him will make him change his views? Think this through a little better.

Post # 21
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee

Wait, why do you want to be with this person?

You say you love him, and don’t want to have wasted your time with him just to ‘get on a plane and leave’. Sounds like you want to stay here, and need him to do so. 

Why not just leave him, apply to this new school, get a new student visa and stay? Then you don’t have to marry this loser.

Post # 22
Member
3791 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Well you want marriage and he doesn’t.  He would just marry you for the visa.  This will not turn out well…

Post # 23
Member
1221 posts
Bumble bee

Because the new school is fake. Because that’s a normal thing to do in a relationship.

Post # 24
Member
1221 posts
Bumble bee

So if the immigration thing wasn’t an issue, he would still want to marry you?

Yeah, didn’t think so. I am telling you, this is not going to work out in your favor. Even if he does marry you, he will resent you and every fight will turn into “I never wanted to get married in the first place”. Dude won’t even let you buy a cheap bookshelf for his place. That’s how much he doesn’t care if you’re around.

Post # 25
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Cellar 222

View original reply
clarissabee:  

First off, don’t worry about the elections halting immigration. Based on the front runners; Hillary Clinton wouldn’t do something like that and Trump’s wives tend to be from overseas themselves so despite his bloviating I doubt that’s a promise he’ll make good on.

Second, don’t marry someone who is just doing it so you can stay here. Go home and become a citizen in your own right if you want. He doesn’t sound worth it frankly.

 

Post # 26
Member
3526 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
clarissabee:  “Lots of people here claimed they got engaged because there was an ultimatium or pressure or nagging. I am sure that is not the way they would like to have been engaged too, but it’s better than nothing.”

I think most people would strongly disagree with this. I don’t know anyone who would be happy to accept a proposal they had to get, nag, cajole and manipulate to get. 

Post # 27
Member
5885 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

Try it and let us know what happens!

Post # 28
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t understand any of this.

You said that he will marry you (in your OP).
You said that you are afraid that you won’t be able to marry after the election cycle, due to potential legal hurdles with marriage visas (jn your OP).

Are you wanting him to marry you now? Is that why you included the election cycle worries?

Are you wanting him to be excited about it?

If you are graduating “soon,” but are able to transfer to a different college, when are you actually graudating?

What is it that you want?

Post # 29
Member
9436 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

This is an awful idea.

Marriage is important to you, it’s not imporant to him. Both viewpoints are fine but they don’t mix well in a relationship. I think you will both be much happier with other people. 

Post # 30
Member
924 posts
Busy bee

As someone who made a m once of pushing someone to get married that didn’t want to, it got me one thing. Divorced. and anyone he could tell, he told them I “made” him get married. Yes, he made the decision but it still hurt. And I hated the way it made people look at me. 

 

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