- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2015
Just a little (or long) post to all you waiting bees out there…
My (now FI) proposed at the beginning on January. He was acting very spacey and distant for a few days and I told him that I had noticed and if there was anything he wanted to talk about, I’m here to listen. At that point, he told me that that a proposal was coming “very soon” and he’s just had a lot on his mind lately. However, past experiences have led me to think and believe that his “very soon” and my “very soon” are two very different things. My idea of “very soon” is right now (or yesterday) which isn’t the case with him. So, at the end of the day, I didn’t know if a proposal would be coming in a week or two months.
After our little talk, he made plans for us to go to our favourite place the following weekend, so I was hopeful. But I had been hopeful 150 times before then so I was trying not to get my hopes up. To my shock, he proposed that weekend. After the proposal, he had told me that he had the ring for several months (I think he had bought it back in September) When the proposal came, I was completely shocked because I didn’t even know that he had purchased a ring..so of course, I didn’t care that he had been hiding it for several months.
Prior to becoming a “waiting bee” we discussed engagement quite frequently. I wouldn’t say that I “nagged” him about it (he would probably tell you that I nagged), but nevertheless, I definitely brought it up way more than I probably should have. Every time I would bring it up, he would say “soon, be patient and trust me” It was frustrating (very frustrating) because we had been together over 4 years, lived together for 3.5 years and bought an actual house together 17 months ago. Our friends were getting engaged or married and we were hounded by everyone, constantly. I was more than ready to be engaged and take that next step. So trust me, I know and understand the frustration. But at the end of the day, I also knew that we would be together forever and that he wasn’t just stringing me along or taking advantage of me and our situation.
I had backed off the proposal and engagement talk a couple months prior to the proposal and officially joined the SIU pact early December. However, I noticed that after I stopped bringing up marriage, he pretty much did as well. It would frustrate me thinking he doesn’t even notice all this effort I’m making or that he’s not even thinking about proposing or marriage, but that wasn’t the case at all.
Minutes after proposing, my FI told me that he had noticed that I hadn’t brought it up in awhile and the little bit of space I gave him was just what he needed. This was something that was really important for me to hear. And my point of telling this story is because maybe this is something one of you bee’s might need to hear right now, too. My FI needed to work through the process on his own without the outside influence and pressure (even if it wasn’t intended pressure, it was still pressure in his eyes) He also wanted to surprise me and that wouldn’t be possible if I kept bringing it up every day.
I joined the SIU pact because I realized that I didn’t want our engagement to feel like it happened because it was discussed so much or because it’s what I wanted. I had to know that it was something that he wanted and was ready for 100%. I really believe it is something that someone needs to be okay and ready for on their own terms. Like I said, I knew we would be together forever so I realized that there was no reason for me to try and rush him. Forever is a really long time and I also realized that we’re going to be married for far more years that I’m going to be a “waiting bee”. 25 years down the road, a few more months of waiting isn’t going to matter.
I just wanted to let all you waiting bee’s know my little story (especially those of you in the SIU pact) I’m not saying that my story will apply to everyone, but you all know your SO’s and you know your relationship. If marriage is something that you’re fairly certain will happen in your future, then trust me when I say they don’t forget just because you’ve stopped bringing it up. I know this is easy for me to say now that I’m engaged, but I was right there with you during all those hard and frustrating days. And believe me when I say, it will feel so much better when that proposal happens and you know it’s something they want and are ready for 100% as well.