Post # 1
So one of my friends and I got engaged around the same time but my wedding is six months after hers. We talked quite a bit about planning. She would talk about her ideas for centerpieces and colors and stuff and I’d talk about mine. It seemed like she had all different ideas from me, but then I get to her wedding and almost everything was exactly what I’m doing. She had changed her colors to my exact ones, her centerpieces were exactly like I described mine, same flowers, similar Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses, similar placecard holders as I described mine to be, etc. I guess I shouldn’t have been so descriptive when talking about my wedding, but it seemed like she had her own stuff planned out already. I would be fine with her “borrowing” one or two things but my wedding is now going to look like a carbon copy of hers! Am I wrong to be a little annoyed over this?
It was also sort of uncomfortable for me and a bunch of other friends because the officiant was a friend of theirs and treated the ceremony like a roast of the groom. He told jokes the entire time, which yes were very funny at first, but after awhile many of them were inside jokes with the couple and wedding party, which a lot of people didn’t really get. Many of the songs played during the dance were inside joke-type, reminiscent songs that had special meaning to the wedding party (I know this because I used to spend more time with them than I do now) that weren’t great to dance to. One of the bridesmaids basically followed the bride around the entire dance and if anyone not in the bridal party tried to dance in their little circle, she would give them a weird look and try to cut them out, or move away immediately. Another bridesmaid would look at us annoyed and then whisper to a groomsman (her bf) and then they would both look at us. She did that to multiple people that night. It was just so weird. A lot of us felt sort of awkard like they really only wanted the wedding party there and we were all there just to fill up the dance floor. So it was mainly the wedding party in their own circle and the rest of us kind of behind them.
This topic was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by rebeccasum.
This topic was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by rebeccasum.
Post # 2
The upside of the whole thing (even if you do have similar decorations) is that you’ll be the one to have the better wedding because you won’t be making her mistakes of having such a jerky exclusive bridal party.
Are the same group of people coming to your wedding? If not, then they will never know the difference. It is annoying your friend did that though, and I think it’s okay to feel annoyed as a result. But imitation is the highest form of flattery.
Perhaps to make yourself feel better, add an additional element that your friend didn’t have? Then you can destress from the situation.
Post # 3
I’m guessing you still have time to change your centerpieces, and other details.
Post # 4
Well you have 6 months so you could still change your floral colors, linens, etc so it’s not exact exact. Some people just don’t have the confidence in their own taste to use their own ideas. It’s a compliment, and I assure you no one else will care or notice but you even if you kept it all the same.
Post # 5
rebeccasum: I agree with pp, 6 months gives some time to change a few things.
Post # 6
rebeccasum: Did you see any of your ideas on Pinterest or anywhere else online? If you did, then she probably saw them there too. Popular stuff is popular.
Post # 7
Daisy_Mae: I did find some of them on Pinterest, so I get that it’s more common to have similar decor now but she had all her stuff picked out just a couple months ago and at that point it was completely different. That’s when I started telling her what I was planning to do. I guess it was just a shock walking in and thinking “this is exactly what I’m doing, too”, especially after expecting to see the original ideas she talked about. The behavior of the bridal party probably made me more irritated in general also.
Post # 8
How many guests who went to their wedding will be at yours? My guess is not many. Just keep your original ideas (especially if you’ve already made purchases). I’m sure nobody will care.
Post # 9
rebeccasum: This is annoying, absolutely! But, be flattered and then change your ideas. You are clearly the creative one in the friendship, so you will no doubt be able to make some tweaks and have an original and *you* wedding that reflects you and your fiancé. And even if you keep everything the same, you won’t care about any of it once you are marrying the love of your life, and certainly not once you are married and/or have children. I promise.
Post # 10
that is so annoying. I am sorry bee. I guess you could change things, but if it is really what you want then I wouldn’t. So annoyed for you.
Post # 11
Personally, I wouldn’t change a thing. Between your family, FI’s family, and FI’s friends, how much of the guest list will even overlap? Your closest friends will know this was your plan all along. It would honestly never occur to me to think someone had copied another person’s wedding. It’s never exactly the same. For example, almost every fall or winter wedding I’ve attended recently has featured navy dresses.
The other issues aren’t within the bride’s power, though I agree with you on the lack of appeal of a wisecracking officiant. And if the excluding BMs were on your guest list, you still have time to remove them. That would solve two of your issues!
Post # 12
Three are two totally separate unrelated issues here. 1. The fact that her decor was similar — honestly, I don’t anyone will care or notice. She has the right to do whatever she wants even if she got the ideas from you. I think it would be silly for you to start changing things at this point. Yeah it sucks and I’m sorry that she did that, but I think you should just move on and forget about it.
2. Sounds like her wedding was just not that fun. Well, yours will be. Some weddings have a weird vibe like that.
Post # 13
I’d be annoyed about the cliquish behavior, I mean seriously are we still in high school? But I wouldn’t change any of my wedding details because guests simply don’t compare one wedding to another in that way. If I go to two weddings and they have similar styles or elements, I’ll just think lavender (or whatever) is very fashionable this year. I wouldn’t create any extra work or stress for myself over this.
Post # 14
rebeccasum: Agree with this. In our internet pinstagram age, I am pretty sure that nothing is original anymore. And that’s OK. It just means people think it’s a good idea! I can understand being surprised since she had said one thing and done another, but let it go. Six months is far enough apart, no one is going to care about the comparison as much as you. If you love it and think it’s beautiful, keep it so that you can enjoy it. The bridal party behavior sounds a bit childish, but to each their own. What’s the point of dwelling on it?
Post # 15
I am annoyed on your behalf, but part of me can’t help but think, “Great! Now you can buy them off of your friend for FAR CHEAPER than you were going to!”