Post # 1
This is a long story:
So, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 16 months, and we are moving in together at the end of June. I have thought for the past few months that a proposal was imminent. I kept myself from going crazy with my mantra of “he’ll propose on (insert next holiday or significant day here)”, just like I know everyone here in “waiting” has done.
Finally today I was so overcome with nerves that I felt I must bring up engagement in a more serious way, I thought to reassure myself. I told him that when I had lunch with my mother yesterday, she asked if us moving in together meant we were going to get engaged (ok, she didn’t ask that but she dances around it). His response was to sort of laugh and come back with a very quick “No!”.
Needless to say I was disappointed he reacted that way. Later, I told him I had been thinking about what he said, and I thought that we shouldn’t move in together if he wasn’t even thinking about the possiblity of getting enaged within the next year or so. He got somewhat offended and said that he never said anything like that. We continued to discuss it, and he said that nothing would make him happier, but that it won’t happen in the next year.
Again, I was of course disappointed. However, my hopeful little brain keeps clinging to the “nothing would make me happier” comment. I understand he can’t propose right away, because he is abou to start police academy for four months and then needs to get a job, but I figured within a year seemed reasonable.
It was touching that he also said he doen’t want to just rush into it and end up divorced in a year. I’m glad he is taking marriage seriously, but I think he is a little TOO concerned about messing up. Granted, we are young. I am 20 and he is 23. But I feel like, when you know you know, and I don’t want to wait to spend the rest of my life with him.
Any tips to keep my very active mind busy for the next 1+ year?
Post # 3
I do agree with him, you both are pretty young but honestly moving in together, in my opinion, is probably the worst idea especially since proposal plans won’t be anytime soon. When my then SO and I moved on together, it only heightened my waiting sense even more as we were operating like a married couple. Honestly, I would not feel comfortable moving in together knowing that a proposal was ways off. It is your choice of course but the best way to keep your mind off of it is by not moving in together until a proposal is in the near future. Continue to date and etc. but keep everything from that point until he is more ready. How about moving on your own first and getting that experience of taking care of yourself?
Post # 4
You don’t have to wait to spend the rest of your lives together, you’re together now! 🙂 Maybe not married, but you still have him.
Post # 5
I already live on my own. I see what you mean about living together not being the greatest idea, but we are always at his place 24/7. I used to go home once a week, but don’t any more, so it seems so impractical to pay all the extra rent and bills.
I have wondered if maybe this will make it worse, but I hope not. I don’t think it will.
Post # 6
yes, i agree 🙂
i think what i meant was that i am anxious to confirm that we are planning on being together “forever”.
Post # 7
Well again, it is your choice of course so if it makes sense to you then go for it. My opinion was that moving in together before I knew he was ready hindered my proposal a bit. I waited about 14 months and my wait would have been longer if I didn’t communicate how important marriage plans were to me. He eventually got himself ready and did propose but we went through some of that waiting ugliness as we were living together because he couldn’t give me a reasonable explanation of what he was waiting for and how long I would be waiting.
Post # 8
Ok, my advice would be to go buy a copy of Why Men Marry Bitches. I just got it used for $10. Read it! You don’t have to go extreme and use it as a relationship bible, but I live with my boyfriend, have been dating for 13 months, will be getting engaged in the next year and I found information that was useful. I also found areas where I could have done better in the earlier part of the relationship. I honestly think that if I had used the “rules” of the book in a way that was natural and fitting for me, I would be engaged right now.