(Closed) A little worried…Please help!

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee

It sounds like he really has a lot on his plate right now, so I would try to be understanding.  It’s ok to discuss your feelings and concerns with him because they are valid, but it sounds like his schedule is extremely demanding.

I definitely can relate. SO and I have been long distance for quite some time, and I recently began my intern year.  My schedule is so variable and not to mention chaotic. I also moved into a different time zone, with him being three hours behind me time wise.  The first few weeks were awful because it upset our talk schedule, and I had difficulties not being able to talk to him every night before I went to bed as I had literally done for years.

Fortunately, he has been extremely supportive, and while our situation is far from ideal at this point, we still cherish the time we spend together on the phone.  

Knowing you are still on the same page with respect to your relationship will help you get through this rough patch.  Going through this has actually strengthened our relationship. I definitely feel SO’s love and support, and he even mentioned how happy I am doing what I love. Just the other night he mentioned that he feels more loved now than he did a year ago (when I had a lot more free time to talk to him).

I am not making excuses for your SO, but there are times when you need human interaction with your colleagues or friends when work gets rough.  A few weeks ago I felt horrible that I was out for the evening with a friend and couldn’t talk to SO. As much as I wanted to talk to him, I needed to be around people and get my mind off of the stresses of hospital life. 

Trust your gut, but give him a chance to really explain how he feels. I know it’s hard, but try not to jump to conclusions. It may take time to get through this, but if you both really care about each other, things will come together.

Post # 4
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee

It sounds like he really has a lot on his plate right now, so I would try to be understanding.  It’s ok to discuss your feelings and concerns with him because they are valid, but it sounds like his schedule is extremely demanding.

 

I definitely can relate. SO and I have been long distance for quite some time, and I recently began my intern year.  My schedule is so variable and not to mention chaotic. I also moved into a different time zone, with him being three hours behind me time wise.  The first few weeks were awful because it upset our talk schedule, and I had difficulties not being able to talk to him every night before I went to bed as I had literally done for years.

 

Fortunately, he has been extremely supportive, and while our situation is far from ideal at this point, we still cherish the time we spend together on the phone.  

 

Knowing you are still on the same page with respect to your relationship will help you get through this rough patch.  Going through this has actually strengthened our relationship. I definitely feel SO’s love and support, and he even mentioned how happy I am doing what I love. Just the other night he mentioned that he feels more loved now than he did a year ago (when I had a lot more free time to talk to him).

 

I am not making excuses for your SO, but there are times when you need human interaction with your colleagues or friends when work gets rough.  A few weeks ago I felt horrible that I was out for the evening with a friend and couldn’t talk to SO. As much as I wanted to talk to him, I needed to be around people and get my mind off of the stresses of hospital life. 

 

Trust your gut, but give him a chance to really explain how he feels. I know it’s hard, but try not to jump to conclusions. It may take time to get through this, but if you both really care about each other, things will come together.

Post # 5
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee

Let me assure you that when men are busy they tend to not be able to engage as well. Let’s face it; men are just really poor at multi-tasking compared to women. My SO is in medical school and is busy most of the time so I totally feel your pain. It is definitely frustrating at times because I tend to keep very busy also (especially now as I am in a 1year accelerated graduate program combined with an internship that requires me to work for free 30-35 hours a week). It’s tough but I think it that your situation will improve once your SO has time to adjust to the more demanding schedule. 

Give it some time and if it’s still an issue maybe just tell your SO how you’re feeling. Chances are he won’t even be aware that he’s been acting any differently. In my experience, men tend to not be very self-reflective.

Best of luck to you both!

Post # 6
Member
99 posts
Worker bee

Send him a care package as a way of showing your support during this intense time for him…nothing extravagent, but maybe his favorite homemade treat.  Meantime, find time to do things you enjoy – time with friends is always good, or engage yourself (oops, no pun intended on the word choice) in your favorite hobby.

Post # 8
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I swear, I think some guys’ perceptions can be way off. If you didn’t love him, you wouldn’t want to be with him for the rest of your life.

Post # 9
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Hi!! I am also in a long distance relationship with a military SO. I feel your pain. Just want to mention that when my SO was still in training  for a new position he would get very, very burned out before tests so try your best not take it personally.

Also, about that comment, (Do you want me or just the ring) my SO has said something similar to that as well, and it hurt my feelings, too. But then I remembered how many men he is with right now who are divorced, and it kind of made sense– just like I’m afraid he’ll never propose, he’s probably afraid that I’ll leave him while he’s deployed, or something crazy he’s heard the guys talking about. I know I have said some crazy things to him and not meant them 100% so I’m assuming that’s what is happening with him! Just thought I’d share.

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