- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
Warning: If you are the type who thinks your fiance is perfect, never looks at porn, ever has a wayward thought and has focused entirely on the wedding and not what comes after, keep browsing. This post will only make you mad.
I love this forum. Without it, I would never have figured out how to address my invitations, how to make clever centerpieces on a budget, how to word my vows or many other brilliant ideas.
However, I am SO dissapointed by some of the posters on here. There are so many women on here that make me understand why the divorce rate is through the roof. I feel like my sane remarks in threads keep getting put down and bashed when I firmly believe it is good relationship advice. I hate that I am treated like a troll when I am not trolling but trying to spread healthy advice to have a successful relationship.
So without further ado, please accept some (apparently controversial) tips to a healthy and successful relationship. I might not be married yet, but after 8 1/2 years of a VERY healthy relationship with the same person (living like a married couple for 6 1/2 of those), I feel like I have earned some right to talk.
Please bear in mind that there are always exceptions to rules.
To the couples who have only been together for a few months/are very young: SLOW DOWN. Unless you are rushing to marriage because of religious reasons, why are you rushing? If you have only been together for a few months, cool it. You can move in together if you want, but what is the rush? You are planning on spending the rest of your lives together. That is a LONG time. Be certain you are with the right person before you make that kind of commitment. To the young people: I’m not saying you aren’t with the right person. But you are a completely different person at 20 than you are at 18. People are still growing up. I sincerely hope you make it past that hump, but again, forever is a long time. Wait to be 100% positive you will make it as adults. Life is different than a high school romance that lasted 4 years.
To the couples who cannot bear the idea of their partner having a sexual history: GET OVER IT. Before you were around, your partner had a life. S/he didn’t materialize out of thin air. But they chose to be with YOU, not someone else. Just because he slept with other people doesn’t make it a bad thing. If they didn’t love you and want you, they wouldn’t be with you.
To the women who can’t believe their partners look at porn: Get over it. Masturbation is a biological urge. If you don’t want to know about it, don’t ask. But your guy does it. And guys are usually visually stimulated. So they’re going to look. It doesn’t mean he loves you less, it doesn’t mean he wants to reenact what you’re looking at. Unless he’s looking at something completely WRONG (necrophilia, child stuff, etc), just let it go. He’s going to do it regardless, the only difference is if you express how much it grosses you out, he’ll just lie and be more secretive about it.
On communication: My parents have been married for 36 years and I have been with my Fiance for 8 1/2 years. Our secret? We ALWAYS talk to each other about problems. If we have a problem, even a small one, we always address it so it doesn’t get any bigger. If we’re angry, we deal with it before we go to bed so it can’t fester overnight. That means if we’re still up at 5am because we’re not willing to talk about it yet, so be it. The hardest part of this is telling the person directly involved. You can tell your mother, friends, coworkers and dog, but if you don’t talk to your partner, he might not even know something is wrong.
On secrets: Tell your partner EVERYTHING. This is the person who is the closest to you in your life. He knows what you love, hate, what you’re thinking if you’re raising your eyebrow in that special way, everything. He should know you as well as you know yourself. So he should also know EVERYTHING about you. No surprises. My partner knows my deepest secrets and loves me anyway. And if your partner loves you, he’ll love you no matter what. You are going to be with this person from today until the day one of you dies. Carrying a secret with you will only lead to issues down the road.
On having unrealistic expectations: Ladies, men are human just like us. The Hollywood romance doesn’t exist and once you realize it isn’t all dramatic music and butterflies in your stomach, you’ll be one step closer to a happy relationship. We put men on this pedestal and expect to find the perfect guy. 6’2, brown hair, loves dogs and kids, plays the exact right amount of video games, doesn’t smoke, etcetcetc. So when you find the guy that meets 98% of your criteria, but spends too much time online or is a snorer, you need to be happy that you found someone 98% compatible with you. Ignore the 2%. Don’t try to change who he is and don’t let him change you unless one of you WANTS to be changed. We go into relationships and we need to be happy with the person we meet, not see them as a fixer upper who is “almost” there but not quite.
Sorry, this post is long. But I really feel like some people on here need to have a wake up call or they’re going to make it 5 years into their relationship and realize they are miserable. You can make this work! Don’t give up on it! But remember, your partner is a complete person too and you need to accept and love him for all of his flaws.
Ok, let the hate roll in. I got this off my chest. Hopefully a few of you might take this to heart and take this into consideration. I might add more as I remember more.