(Closed) A Lonely Wedding

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It’s not the quantity of people, it’s the quality of your love for the people surrounding you.  Make each guest feel special because they are there for you and your BF.  Make each one feel appreciated.

It is so sad when people say- “No one came!”   Meanwhile there stands 30 wonderful Somebodies!

Be happy!!

Post # 3
Member
6977 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
riverose:  I’m having a wedding with a max of 35 people as well and I’m super happy about it. Big weddings are expensive and stressful and no matter what you always end up offending somebody. I personally think small weddings are the way to go, so just try to look at the positives of that. 

Also, if you would feel uncomfortable with the guests being basically all from your BF’s side, maybe talk to him about having an even smaller wedding? That way it doesn’t feel sooo unbalanced. Or heck, you could elope just the two of you. As far as his family/friends, have you met them? Do you get along with them? Because a lot of my friends now were people I actually met through my Fiance. So if we WERE to have a big wedding, technically the guest list would be mostly his friends. But that doesn’t mean they’re not my friends too. Just something to think about. 

Post # 4
Member
1143 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

View original reply
riverose:  Hi there, I’m in the same situation. My parents passed away and I’m not in touch with my brothers, who live overseas anyway. I have some friends in Europe, but not many in the UK, where I live now. My Fiance has his family, but he doesn’t have many friends either. So we’re flying to Las Vegas, just the two of us, and I coulldn’t be happier with the plan πŸ™‚

 Edited for spelling

 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by  MarmotaLinda.
Post # 5
Member
2176 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

my Brother-In-Law and new SIL just had a very small wedding – it was only a few family members and friends probably about 20 people total. She did have her parents and sister there (they are from another country on the other side of the world) so she wasn’t totally “alone” but mainly it was his family.

We all love her even though we aren’t super close (mainly be we are all on the east coast and they live on the west coast) but DH Sister and I were both a big part of the wedding – we planned her “bachelorette” (basically a little spa day before the wedding to get nails and toes done and just giggle together about being married) and got her some fun lingerie for the wedding so she didn’t feel left out (since we weren’t sure what the traditions were in her family)

even though you say its all his friends and family are you close with anyone? do you think that you would be able to fly a friend or two in even if you don’t live near them right now?

if not you still won’t be alone — you have your amazing FH/DH who I am sure can’t wait to show off his new wife to everyone!

Post # 6
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

View original reply
riverose: 

You’ll do great. I am sure of it.

We got married, just the two of us, for our legal wedding. 

I wouldn’t change it for the world. We’re shy people. I couldn’t bear the idea of marrying in front of dozens or hundreds of people watching me. All we neded to do was focus on each other πŸ™‚

While you sound worried, realize there is a whole sector of society that either elopes or decides to marry by themselves or with just a few people for a host of reasons. A lot of people simply don’t want the family drama, money drama, or crowds to worry about.

I had a few friends and family I talked to on the phone before I got married to soothe my fears, and sometimes honestly all I did was just come to the Bee. For enjoyment I just focused on getting an elaborate dress and looking beautiful.

Perhaps you can get to know some of the 35 people at your wedding afterwards and they will become friends in time. My husband had no friends or family when we did a second wedding with just a handful of my family coming, for reasons much like yours.

You could reach out to a few of your husband’s female family members for any wedding shopping, etc. I think they might be happy to get to know you and do girly wedding things.

Post # 7
Member
5343 posts
Bee Keeper

The best wedding I have attended only had 35 people πŸ™‚

Post # 8
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

May i suggest a desitnation wedding? It’s always fun!

Otherwise, like another poster said ” it’s not the quantity that matters”

I’m sure it will be a great wedding πŸ™‚

Post # 9
Member
1932 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Bee, you seem a little too quick to completely disregard your family. Unless they’re beating you it doesn’t matter how toxic they are…. You teach people how to treat you. They need not be toxic if you don’t LET them. I don’t want to have a “My family is worse than your family” conversation (I’d win, anyway) because that’s not the point. The point is if you don’t want to feel alone you need to be realistic with who you’re “stuck” with. If you were truly content with cutting your family out, you wouldn ‘t FEEL lonely, you know? You’d feel relieved. 

I give this advice as someone getting married who RECENTLY let her family back in. Like you, I was worried about my sad little guest list. Sow hat did I do? I DID something. What I leanred was people ar ejust people, even family. No one can be who you want them to be.

If you want more people at your wedding you need to DO something that will create more people at your wedding. Making and keeping friends isn’t easy. It’s work. Long term work. It’s not meant for everyone.

I’m not inviting friends and I’m one million percent OK with that. Some people are some aren’t.

Mya dvice is to DO something or reach some level of acceptance concerning your situation so you don’t feel sad. You shouldn’t feel sad over this.

Post # 11
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
riverose:  I’m sorry you’re having a rough time! You can have such a nice, intimate time with a smaller wedding group!

Think of it this way, there are 35 people there who love you both and support you as a couple. They may have started out as FI’s friends & family but they are your people now too! I love that in marrying Fiance, I gain not only new friends but new family too.

Post # 12
Member
4227 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I am estranged from my family too. After escaping their home and my small town I grew up in, I moved around A LOT. I only have one ‘true’ friend in the world…who flew 14 hours to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. My other two bridesmaids are friends I have made through my FI’s camp. 

You don’t need to feel lonely. You are loved by your sweetie. That can be enough πŸ™‚

Post # 13
Member
865 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

If you’re comfortable having only people your bf knows at the wedding, then do that and don’t feel badly about it! You aren’t responsible for the fact that you had to cut ties with your family in order to live a healthy, happy life. I had 65 people at my wedding and about 50 of them were from my side, only ~12 were people my husband had invited. I know that’s not quite as extreme as your situation, but he was very self-conscious about not having a close friends to be groomsmen, or a big family or many friends. But it’s just where he is in his life. Nobody at the wedding questioned anything; people from different circles don’t know how you know the bride and groom, I’m sure it didn’t occur to anyone other than our close friends and families who knew the situation that it was so unbalanced. People move, grow apart from old friends, come from small families, etc… It’s not so unusual to not have a huge group of 100 people to invite. The other thing I don’t think my husband realized until we were actually at the wedding is that my friends have become his friends; we’d been dating for 5 years, many of the people I met while we were dating became friends with him as they got to know me; the lines of what side people come from are usually much more blurry than we give them credit for. I’m sure there are plenty of people your bf knows who consider you a special person in their lives. 

If you aren’t comfortable having a wedding under these circumstances, I’m sure your bf will understand. You could do a lovely elopement, something really intimate and personal, and celebrate with his friends and family with a toast and photos as you happen to see them post-marriage. 

Post # 14
Member
2176 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
riverose:  I would also really suggest that you speak to FH about this — he might have some ideas of some women in the group of friends that are kind and might love the chance to get to know you better.

I feel like between taking my SIL dress shopping (since she had no one else in US to go with) and then doing our spa day we have a great bond now that will last.

Don’t feel bad about taking the steps to right your life and move on from past abuse – you are starting a new life together and you will have plenty of caring people there for you both

Post # 15
Member
2990 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

My wedding was 30 people with only two of my own guests (the rest being his family and our mutual friends) because I have a horrible abusive family, and everyone said it was the best wedding ever because the small size made it possible for us to have really great food and bar (we spent about $150 a head). They also appreciated that they got to spend quality time with the groom and I. Many said the small size made them feel honored to be there.

I had a friend with an international family who couldn’t attend her wedding. She said that her wedding kind of sucked, but she really liked her new family. So you can take comfort in your new family.

I also had a friend who came from an abusive household. Her wedding was 12 people. She told me it was really magical because she was getting married! I felt similarly. Emotions run high in a good way when you’re getting married, so it won’t really matter how many or how few guests you have.

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