(Closed) A long story about stress and compromise. (A bit of a rant too?)

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: How do you handle pressure from loved ones?
    Give in : (0 votes)
    Compromise : (9 votes)
    47 %
    Do it my way : (10 votes)
    53 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5983 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    …I’m confused, will everyone be there all day, or are different sets of guests coming at different times?

    Post # 5
    Member
    233 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    @Nona99:  I too am confused abou this.

    Post # 6
    Member
    5983 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    @notsotuffcookie:  That is a very ambitious undertaking, I can just imagine what kind of feedback you’ve gotten…and I could give you some, but why would you care what I think?  In fact, why do you care what anyone thinks?  You and your FI knew what you wanted, what you had to spend and you are making it work YOUR way, that’s something that any person can and should respect, and if they can’t help themselves and just start puncturing your Sunrise/Sunset dreams you tell them oh so calmly, “You know, I appreciate the fact that you want to help me, but unless you’ve got $$, a catering company or a film projector I’m afraid you’re just wasting my time.  I’ve got a lot to do and no time to do it in, so lead, follow or get out of my way! I’ve got a wedding to plan!”

    You’re doing great, and just because something is different, that doesn’t mean it’s bad, in fact it shows ingenuity and an appreciation for the people in your lives…be proud cookie, you’ve got the stones to pull it off!

    Post # 8
    Member
    2622 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    So are different invitations going out to different sets of people? And just because people are younger or older I dont think means the prefer to not be part of a different part of the day vs. another. 

    Does this mean the younger people who are eating dinner, but not lunch will not be at the ceremony?

    And what if people who are staying for lunch want to stay for dinner?

    Post # 9
    Member
    233 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    @notsotuffcookie:  ok, you answered the question. Different sets of guest ware coming. I think that you can pull off the different set of guests coming. However, don’t be surprised if there is some (plenty of) overlap and people don’t leave for the next set. I’m not sure how you’ll tell the previous set that it is time for them to leave.

    With that said, I really like your idea and how inclusive it is of the people you want to attend.  Wedding planning can be very stressful. Your poll question asks if you should compromise, give in, or do it your way. I always lean toward doing it your way. If you find a way to afford it and pull it off, I say go for it! It is your day. Good luck! It is going to be a LOT of work.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2390 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I think it sounds exhausting.  My ceremony was at 10:30, and our hair and makeup began at 5:00.  If you’re having your ceremony at sunrise???  You’re going to be dead tired before mid-afternoon.

    It’s also poor etiquette.  What you’re describing is a tiered reception.  It’s rude to invite some people to some portions of the day and some to others.  It also seems gift-grabby.

    Also, it sounds expensive!!  You’re providing 3 entire meals?  And if I were one of the “all day” guests I would honestly be pissed that I had to spend the ENTIRE day, literally from before sunrise until after dark, at this event.

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    3596 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2000

    @notsotuffcookie:  It’s imaginative, that’s for sure. I always like the idea of a.m. wedding and a breakfast. Glad to see you are incorporating that!

    But in the end I would not allow someone to change my vision. If I were you, I’d go with my original gut feeling of doing an intimate wedding.

    Whoever is insisting to you that all of those 300 people truly expect and deserve to be at your nuptuals is simply WRONG. I can assure you that  I am often relieved NOT to be invited to weddings.

     

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    5983 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    @notsotuffcookie:  anytime doll!  Life is hard enough without people crapping on your plans…follow your bliss!

    Post # 16
    Member
    1253 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I guess I’m confused because you said you wanted an intimate wedding, which implies that the 300 guests are not of your choosing.  But you later mention that those that are critical of your plans are suggesting that you cut the guest list, but it sounds like you don’t want to do that.

    Like PPs have said, you should have the wedding you want, if you wanted small and intimate then don’t feel pressured to host an all-day 3-tiered ceremony+breakfast reception, lunch reception, dinner reception affair just to accomodate your parents’ guest lists on your budget!  Because some people are probably going to have something negative to say about it either way, so you might as well have it the way YOU want it!

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