(Closed) A major setback….

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@MissFormaldehyde:  Oh my, I feel for yiu. I read your other posts and your guy sounds exactly like one of my exs… He was also a Marine, and I truly believe  you have to have a different mind set to be a Marine, and not a good one. My ex had multiple DUIs (3 or 4) and he never spent more than a night in jail. He also played the same mind games on me and it ruined  me for a very long time.You should not be treated this way. I agree with everyone saying to gert out. You are far too young to throw your life away like that! Do not marry this man in jail. Just wait and see what happens. Take this oppurtunity to find out who you really are and have some fun. Oh and yes, I dont know what drunken mishap would land you in jail for the last 4 weeks and possibly more time. It would have to be something serious. And at that point you shoukd think if thats the type of man you want to spend the rest of your life with AND bring children into the world?!!!

Post # 33
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

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@MrsBroccoli:  +1 couldnt have said it any better myself!

Post # 34
Member
1848 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@MissFormaldehyde:  I hate to beat the horse with the other ladies, but you’ve got this opportunity to leave. He’s in jail. You can relocate. You can make this your clean break.

I really try not to be judge-y and I try to see it like a friend going through the issue. I’d tell my friend to run and if she needed my couch, it’s comfy and ready. This man does not make good life choices and NO good man ever calls his lady a whore. From your other post, this is unacceptable. He is a highly insecure, highly emotionally abusive man and he needs more help than you can provide him right now.

You need more help than you think. I would highly suggest counseling and stop TTC with this man. You want your children to be born with stable parents, right? A stable income, stable home, stable minds. This is not going to be very stable. Doesn’t that concern you?

Run.

Post # 35
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee

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@MrsWBS:  +1

I would be shocked if OP came back to this thread.  

Post # 36
Member
5155 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

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@MrsWBS:  In her other post she said “it was protecting me”. I am guessing, from that little tidbit, it is something along the lines of assault/bodily injury.

 

Post # 37
Member
526 posts
Busy bee

I understand that good guys make mistakes, and in that situation, I would say just postpone the wedding.

In this situation, I personally would run as fast as I could.  Good guys don’t hold your past against you.  Good guys don’t hurt you. 

Post # 38
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@RayKay:  my thoughts exactly.  another fantastic trait to add to his already growing C.V.  Next he’ll be on drugs and has cheated and then we’ll have the full house.  Guy sounds like a gigantic dick.  A nice person isn’t someone who is only nice in parts, a nice person is someone who is nice to the points their flaws are cancelled out.  Nothing cancels out abuse. 

Post # 39
Member
3680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Are you thinking you might be pregnant now? You alluded to that in your other thread.

Post # 40
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

To the best of my knowledge nothing this guy has done (yet) to this woman is illegal but there must be a way of someone stepping in and helping her?  She has rejected help numerous times but there has to come a point when people just know too much about a situation to look the other way?  This is a domestic abuse case waiting to happen. 

Post # 41
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I think this is a good time to take a step back from your relationship and really evaluate if this is the way you want to live your life. Take the time with your parents to see what positives you get out of being away from him, and explore what you like to do and how you like to live your day to day life. 

Post # 42
Member
232 posts
Helper bee

I know you said that you’re already annoyed with people telling you not to wait, but… I’ve read your previous posts and I can’t understand why you would want to marry him. Honestly, if you are determined to marry this person, I think you should put it off until he’s out of jail. Give yourself some time to really think about this.

There are so many women on here pointing out all the red flags, and you’re just ignoring them.

If he was protecting you, I feel like he wouldn’t be in jail for a few months? Wouldn’t he need a record, as someone said before? I just feel like we’re missing out on some details. You don’t want to put it off “just because of this” but this is actually something pretty big. I wish you would see it.

You are so young and putting up with so much from him, and I don’t mean that in a “aw, you love him so much, no matter what, how romantic” sort of way.

Please, take the time while he’s away to seriously look at yourself and your life and your relationship. Seek out a therapist. Heck, I’ve heard of couple’s therapy where the therapist is willing to hear out only one person from the couple and give relationship advice. If you won’t take our advice here seriously, please listen to a professional who sees damaging relationships every day. There is a pattern here of unacceptable behavior from him. There are problems people get help for and overcome, and there are problems which are just written off too quickly as “solved.” You don’t want to be in that latter situation.

I didn’t mean for this to be so long, but… yeah… take this time to figure yourself out and the nature of your relationship.

Post # 43
Member
69 posts
Worker bee

I sincerely hope you are a very creative troll and I have a feeling you know what kind of advice we’d give you.  Or the type of advice you’d give a friend if it were she who was in this situation instead of you.  Run.  Run away from this situation.  It will not be his last time in jail.  You will be paying for lawyers instead of family vacations.  This man may be in jail or at a bar while you are giving birth to his children.  Just be done with it.  You will meet better men.

Post # 44
Member
433 posts
Helper bee

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@anahappilyeverafter:  

He’s already on drugs.  He gets his prescriptions from a “3rd party” so he doesn’t have to go to a doctor.  That was in the other thread.

Post # 46
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

So I’m really late to this party trainwreck, and only just caught up on the entire last post and now this one. After all that reading, I feel compelled to comment.

What I don’t understand is, why the rush for everything in this relationship? If you love him and he loves you, you can still get married after he gets out of jail (not that I think you should). And if you are truly committed to each other, there’s tons of time to have a child together (not that I think you should). But instead, you’re in this major rush to make everything happen now now now, when the only thing you can say for your relationship is that you’ve “barely fought” for a month or two. And now he’s IN JAIL! It just keeps getting better!

It’s like you were standing on the edge of a cliff, tripped, and now you’re just rolling down the hill, gaining momentum, and heading toward a world of pain. SLOW DOWN.

I’m glad you’re staying with your parents right now. After one of your posts in your previous thread, it sounded like you had cut your mom out of your life because she was advising you against this relationship (that’s another sign of abuse, btw, being systematically cut off from people who care about you). I sincerely hope that your mother, or someone else in your life, is better able to make you see reason than hundreds of anonymous women on a wedding forum. I know you love this guy, but he’s bad news and I don’t see a happy ending to your story together. 

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