(Closed) A man on the edge…

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Wow.. that’s tough one… to me, it sounds like they really don’t want the same things out of the relationship– which is always a recipe for disaster.  If it was me, I probably would have moved on as soon as he said that he never wanted to get married or have kids.  It would just make sense for me to move on at that point… you’ve stated what you want and it doesn’t line up with what I want.  End of story.  I wouldn’t waste my time trying to change his mind.. his life decisions are his.  There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to marry or have kids.. but there is something wrong with being in a relationship with someone w/ this mindset when you know that you want different things.  People don’t change for other people… they change because they want to.. IF they want to… and that’s a big if.  Most people don’t like change.

Post # 5
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

That is a lot, but when men want space, they want space. I think it is important for him to work this out in his own way. Also, men need to feel respected. Respect is like air to them. If he feels like her parents are planning and guiding her because he can’t or isn’t, he may feel disrespected, like he isn’t good enough so they are stepping in. Men can also have a need to take care of their wife and hearing that her parents aren’t completely thrilled with their relationship could be upsetting to him. I would encourage her to remind him that she has respect for him and values him. I hope it works out for them……

Post # 6
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@gramgeek:  What?  LoL.  Wow… that’s a really odd relationship.  I think they’re doing each other much more harm than good.  From my experience, clean break-ups are usually the best.  I remain on good terms with every ex that I’ve had.. amazingly, LoL.  But I always took a nice amount of time for myself after a breakup before I decided that we could be friends.  Like you said, it can be very hard to move on… sometimes it’s easy, though, haha.  My last ex took me through so much outrageous, unbelievable mess that when I finally got rid of him for good, it was more of a relief than anything else.  There was such a heavy burden lifted from my soul that I didn’t even feel the pain.

Post # 7
Member
475 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree with @MsFoxxy: They are doing each other more harm than good. You can’t live in a  state of limbo, it is unfair and very damaging. She just needs to realize that a breakup will leave her no worse than she already is.

Post # 8
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

They should be apart since they don’t want the same thing, but I think her parents butting in and then her TELLING him her parents view on their relationship, may have been the last straw.

Post # 9
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

She should break up and move on or decide if she is okay with being a girlfriend with no kids for the rest of her life. If marriage and children are important to her, then she needs to find someone with like goals. Don’t let her waste her child bearing years with a douche bag who doesn’t have the balls to let her go.

Post # 11
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee

the other day, i heard patty stanger say something to the effect that, “when you begin dating, and you want marriage/kids, and he doesn’t, move on right then and there b/c you innately want different things”.

not sure how this helps your friend 3 yrs later, but it sounds like they are on different paths.

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