Post # 1
A while ago (actually, years ago) I was Skyping with my boyfriend and he asked me if one of those days, I could put on some makeup and wear something cute to Skype, since we were long distance and he never got to see me dolled-up. My cousin overheard him and told me to dump him. Her words were, “I could not be with a man like that. If I’m with a man, he must worship the ground I walk on and think I look my best with no makeup whatsoever.”
For some reason, years later, this has stuck with me. My boyfriend always tells me I’m beautiful, smart, funny, and spends tons of time with me, but he certainly doesn’t mind poking fun at me, disagreeing with me, and even upsetting me if we’re having a fight and he’s certain he’s right. When I want his opinion on something (my outfit etc) he’s totally honest, even if his opinion is not a favorable one. This is probably just because my personality is a bit more submissive, but he definitely has more “power” in the relationship, and is usually the one making decisions- I’ve tried to fight this, but it’s just how our personalities mesh.
But I keep thinking about what my cousin says. While my boyfriend clearly loves me and is very attracted to me, he hardly “worships the ground I walk on”. I can tell he thinks highly of me, but he’s more than willing to tell me when I’m wrong, or if my hair looks messed up or something. Am I not expecting enough of him? I feel like my cousin’s expectation will result in a really resentful man who has to be a servant and never gets his own say in things.
Post # 3
I want a partner, not a sycophant.
Post # 4
My husband is exactly the same as your Boyfriend or Best Friend. I appreciate his honesty, he never knocks me down and makes me feel like I am not good enough, he just doesn’t sugar coat things which is fine, because I am not walking around with an overinflated ego!
Post # 5
@MlleFabuleux: LOL true. I think my cousin’s taste in men might just be…different. She dates very attractive men, but none of them seem to have much in the way of personality (at least to me). Her last boyfriend was this cute blonde guy but universally referred to as “dead behind the eyes”
Post # 6
Worship is not love. She is wrong. You have what sounds like a great relationship, where you are a real person. You’re lucky.
Post # 8
@Tinatiny1: Thanks 🙂 I do get some crap from friends because my boyfriend is clearly the dominant one, but that’s partially just our personalities. I much prefer just agreeing with someone to avoid a fight, whereas he will fight to no end in order to get his way. If we were BOTH like him, we’d never get anything done 🙂
Post # 9
My boyfriend always tells me he worships me and I’m his whole universe, but he will also tell me if i’m wrong, he’s no pushover! lol
Post # 10
@kittykat6279: lol yeah…SO does say sweet things about how he loves me, I’m his world, etc…but he’s more than happy to disagree with me and not budge even if I’m crying!
Post # 11
I don’t necessarily want someone to fawn over me, but I would not be ok if he asked me to dress nicely and put on makeup for a Skype conversation. Those are two extremes IMO.
Post # 12
My husband worships God only. That’s the way I want it
Post # 13
I’ve dated guys like this – I HATED it. I naturally am pretty fiesty and tend to kind of be an intimidating/somewhat dominating personality; I need someone who can put me in my place, stand up to me, and challenge me. Guys who only can say ‘yes dear’ are just not my type. My husband is the first man guy I’ve been with who isn’t afraid to call me out and doesn’t think I can do no wrong while still loving me and being completely respectful (though he admits he was terrified of me at first LOL)
Post # 14
@kittykat6279: that’s the good kind of worship, really it’s cherishing 🙂
Post # 15
A “worshipping the ground you walk on” relationship dynamic would be 100% unhealthy. If you put someone on a pedestal like that, eventually they will do something “wrong” and fall off the pedestal and the relationship will crash and burn. I have known people in relationships like that and their relationships never matured- they just sort of self combusted after awhile, either from the weird dependency of the worshipping person or from the worshipping person suddenly realizing that the other person wasn’t a god.
I have no problem with someone asking the other person to dress up- I do that with my SO all the time when we’re going out. It doesn’t mean that I don’t like him the way he is, it just means I like to see a change of pace and some different clothes. NBD. Sounds like your cousin likes arm ornaments, not boyfriends.
Post # 16
My fiance definately does not worship the ground I walk on. I would not want him to. I, personally, don’t think it’s realistic in the long term. At some point everyone gets the stomach flu, or delivers a baby, or does something gross. We’re all human. And I want a guy who loves me for who I am, flaws and all.