A Man's Perspective on "Rings".

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
  • poll: Does your SO think an engagement ring is useless and expensive?
    Yes : (35 votes)
    23 %
    No : (116 votes)
    77 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    1249 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    libellules :  That’s what I was thinking… how ripe of him to expect you and your family to pay for the wedding but fail to follow through on his end of tradition.  Unless it is you and only you who wants a wedding. 

    Post # 32
    Member
    1013 posts
    Bumble bee

    I actually didn’t want a ring, but it was important to my Fiance.
    Then I wanted to skimp and he wasn’t having it.
    He’s the one that thinks it’s important and keeps bumping up the price tag!

    Post # 33
    Member
    5069 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2017

    Darling Husband was completely on board with purchasing an engagement ring and in fact had wanted to purchase something something far more extravagant and expensive than what I had in mind.  We compromised on something that was in between our two visions.

    Post # 34
    Member
    94 posts
    Worker bee

    Honestly, I think my Darling Husband is so traditional and chivalrous that it was never really a question that he’d get a ring. But I think how much he paid was probably society’s influence and sadly, our circle of friends & my close girlfriends. My girlfriends all have huge rings (NYC) and our local friends all work with him. I know he is proud of the ring though and knowing how much I love it, he doesn’t regret it…. but if I was a different girl with more modest friends and we didn’t hangout with people who know his salary, I might be rocking something a bit smaller. Just a hunch. Ah well.

    Post # 35
    Member
    370 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2019

    My SO didn’t have a problem with getting a ring. He actually wanted bigger and better. I on the other hand kept negotiating to go lower and lower on his budget and mindset. It’s stupid, I know – why take smaller one when SO wants to get a bigger one but I’m more practical I guess… 0.7ct was already considered big where I live and that’s was more than enough for me.

    He however don’t really like the idea of the wedding, the amount of money he and I would have to fork out. He wished he could just skip the wedding and move to the marriage part. Lol.

    Post # 36
    Member
    2343 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    pinkshoes :  What she said! 100%

    Similarly, although I think they look stunning and perform amazingly, for me the difference in price between a reliable, functional car and a luxury car that gets me to the same destination just isn’t worth it. However I positively nudged my husband into speccing up and ordering a new Porsche two years ago, – because HE’s wanted one from being a boy, and we can afford one without hardship. I continue to drive my dull, cheap Peugeot thing. All good. 

    Post # 37
    Member
    1204 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2017

    My husband was excited about being able to afford what he spent on my ring, and I think he loved showing it off more than I did! 

    Post # 38
    Member
    58 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    my now husband doesn’t seem to care and it shatters me. i am NOT a fancy girl AT ALL. i don’t wear jewelry and i shop at thrift stores and second hand stores. i rarely  but anything new for myself. but i had been admiring a particular unique ring on Etsy for a long time. One day, we actually went online and I showed him! My dream ring – $2,000. And i can see how shocked he is by that price tag and i immediately back down and say nevermind….you don’t have to get me that. Because i don’t do nice things for myself. And so i picked out a $100 sterling silver ring and told him to get me that so he wouldn’t be saving forever for a ring (we were 5 years in and i was impatient). I said he could get me something nice later. Now i feel like i let him off the hook because he hasn’t mentioned getting me a nicer one again, and it was something i really want and feel quite frankly like i should have. Because i don’t ask for a lot or wear jewelry or own anything nice or fancy.

    Post # 39
    Member
    431 posts
    Helper bee

    jujubean0911 :  I think many men feel this way, but feel pressure to conform, or, know it is really important to their Fiance so it becomes important to them. It sounds like you wat a ring but are also open to compromise. For what it is worth I think if you want a ring you should definitely discuss this more and find the parameters you both can be happy with. Maybe you get a small ring now and add to to it later, or you chose a pearl, moissanite or colored gemstone which are far less expensive. I think if it is really important to you you should get one. 

    Post # 40
    Member
    182 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    I have an always have felt giant expensive rings are unnecessary and stupid, I was very content about the small solitaire ring that my Fiance bought me as a Valentines day gift and didn’t feel he needed to buy me another ring, he unfortunately felt the pressure of buying me a different engagement ring, don’t get me wrong I love the new ring he bought me but I never thought it was necessary, I love him and always knew we would get married. I think as women we need to give our men a break and stop conforming to a tradition that was made up by the diamond industry

    Post # 41
    Member
    725 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2018

    I gave my fiancé so many options in different budgets for my engagement ring, and he surprised me by going for the most expensive one (which wasn’t completely crazy expensive, because I know our financial situation) but I did give him a few outs by providing some cheaper alternatives. 

    He said that in the end, this is something I will wear forever, and we both know we didn’t want to ever upgrade because we are both very sentimental. So he wanted it to be a ring that would be high quality and meet our moral standards. I was surprised he put that much thought into it, but when I asked him why he picked the ring he did, he said “Because it was important to me.” 

    Post # 42
    Member
    5894 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    jujubean0911 :  I am a woman and I completely agree with this article.  I felt this way long before getting engated and I still feel this way now (many years married).  I think they are overpriced and overhyped and that both men and women focus on them way too much.  

     

    Post # 43
    Member
    13 posts
    Newbee

    My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I just picked out my ering (he has not asked yet). We also jointly will pay for it, as we are both professionals and make our own money, and the cost was more than I wanted him to pay for alone.

    I think every couple is different, but can completely see how some men would feel that an ering is nothing but an expensive obligation. Case in point: my BF’s ex-wife independently (he had no say) chose a very large, very expensive diamond ring and insisted on that and nothing else. He was less than thrilled to shell out the cash, and it had no real sentimental value and he felt she just wanted it for show. (Shocker they divorced.) So when we began the marriage talks, he had a bad idea about erings. I definitely wanted a ring – but he was amazed that I did not want something over the top, that I cared about what he thought, and I was not only sensitive to the price but wanted to help pay for it. Maybe the men that feel erings are a waste just need to find a woman who can change his expectation about them. Or maybe he’ll find one who agrees she doesn’t need an ering at all!

    The proposal date will be a surprise, but we’re both really happy to have jointly chosen a ring. I realize this might be a non-traditional way of thinking, but it is perfect for us!

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