Post # 1
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
just found an interesting article regarding the stereotype that all women “overreact” or are “overly senstive” or flat out “crazy.”
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/yashar-hedayat/a-message-to-women-from-a_1_b_958859.html?ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false
i really love what he has to say, and thinking about it, yes, i’ve had this happen a good deal…to the point where i will preemt it by telling people, “i’m probably just crazy, but….”
i’d also like to point out that while this technique is used often (and unintentionally) against women, it’s obviously not gender exclusive. i’m afraid i’m guilty, too, but i hope to be more aware of my own social precognitions. it’s just really interesting to me.
how bout you, bees? has gaslighitng snuck it’s way into past or present relationships? what do you think?
Post # 3
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
Its crazy cus IRL i am always saying I am sorry constiently to the point were its is an automatic reaction to people…It kind of makes sense now..
Post # 4
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
@laceywings: Thank you for posting this! What an interesting article. And so true, for me at least. I am so sick of people using “Oh I was just joking” to get away with saying crappy things. And basically making it out to seem like you’re crazy if you stand up against them. I am definitely re-posting this to my facebook!
Post # 5
Member
5009 posts
Bee Keeper
While my fiance isn’t at all like this, I’ve been through so many relationships where my partner did this and I’ve seen it happen to so many of my friends. It’s very interesting to read that article and I’d be interested to read the related book.
Post # 6
Member
1506 posts
Bumble bee
Great article. I see this so frequently in myself and my mother and friends. It’s so difficult to unlearn these things, but awareness of the real issue is a good first step.
Post # 7
Member
5885 posts
Bee Keeper
I figure out in my 20’s that when people tell you, “You’re a ___ or you’re too ___” they are trying to control the situation. And people will use whatever your secret fear is. So for someone who needs to be nice, to manipulate her all you have to say is “You’re being mean”. Then sit back and watch them try to prove to you how ‘not mean’ they are.
I have a friend who is constantly told she is selfish whenever she wants to do something different than her family. It totally made her cave until she hit her mid-30’s and finally realized what they were doing.
We handle that kind of situtation the same way–embrace whatever they call you. You think I’m crazy because I’m upset, “Yep I’m crazy”. They have nowhere to go once you embrace it and they realize you can’t be swayed or manipulated.
Post # 9
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
I don’t think I’ve experienced this. I also don’t think I’ve done this to other people. Does telling my friend that I think she’s crazy to refuse to wear high heels so that she won’t be taller than her boyfriend count as gaslighting? It’s the only example that I could think of, but it seems way too lighthearted to be manipulation.
For what it’s worth, sometimes when I am PMSing, I AM crazy. The rest of the time, I’m more logical than my Fiance. How do you differentiate between actual craziness and this emotional manipulation the article is talking about?
Post # 10
Member
2025 posts
Buzzing bee
Woooww!!
This: “That “forget it” isn’t just about dismissing a thought, it is about self-dismissal.”
and
This: “They say, “I’m sorry,” before giving their opinion. In an email or text message, they place a smiley face next to a serious question or concern, thereby reducing the impact of having to express their true feelings.”
GUILTY!
Post # 11
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
This is a great article, thanks for sharing!
I’ve had friends do this to me. And I see someone close to me suffering from it currently, so I’m going to have her read this.
Post # 12
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
I found the article very interesting and some of the comments infuriating. That “Wade Long” guy really has some major issues.
Post # 13
Member
5885 posts
Bee Keeper
@Lemma: No telling her she is crazy for wearing those shoes because you are jealous they are so awesome is gaslighting. If your friend is wearing ugly shoes, then it’s your duty to tell her she’s crazy!! 🙂
Post # 14
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
I love his article. I reposted it on FB.
To me, it seems that women aren’t really “allowed” to be women (just a general statement). We can’t cry or we become weak. We can’t be compassionate because people will just take advantage of us, blah blah blah. Anyway, I’m sick of people making comments like this to women. Anyway, I don’t want to be as tough and strong as a man…and if that makes me crazy, then so be it! 🙂
I think the world needs women to be women. I hope this all makes sense!
Post # 15
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
@craftybridelovesnerdygroom: that’s it exaclty. except, it’s not just “women.” it’s anything feminine at all. feminine strength is completely overlooked and undervalued in many cultures, espeically the one i grew up in. to be a “strong” woman, you must be able to behave masculinely. case in point: hilary clinton. whether or not you agree with her politically, she is definitely a strong woman, but she plays the game masculinely because that’s how our system is built. there’s nothing inherently wrong with masculinity or femininity (and really, they shouldn’t be tied specifically to one gender or another to be expected to act that way), but to say one is better than the other? that’s wrong.
Post # 16
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
@laceywings: Agreed! 🙂
