(Closed) A MOH who could care less?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1432 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Sorry you’re going through this 🙁  You’re going to get a lot of people who will say that you can’t expect your Maid/Matron of Honor to do anything besides show up on the day you get married in the dress you decided on.  But I disagree – I maintain that there is an expectation from the bride that BMs and MOHs will carry out certain responsibilities, and it sucks that you basically laid out things that you wanted your friend to do and she doesn’t feel like doing them.

But I don’t think you can demote her – you will risk losing her as a friend.  Unless you don’t really care to be friends with her anymore.  

I think you might just have to suck it up and depend on the other BMs for support….

Post # 4
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Perhaps she a little annoyed that you gave her a “To Do List” from a magazine and then assigned her tasks… I know I would be.  It’s not her responsibility to help with Save-The-Date Cards or making T-Shirts.  I understand people being disappointed when an Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t perform some of the normal tasks like planning a shower, and helping to pick out her dress (although even then, she is not REQUIRED to do these things so you can’t get mad if she doesn’t).. but what you are expecting is really above and beyond.  You chose to get married and plan a wedding, she didn’t make that choice for you so she’s not responsible for helping to make the wedding happen. 

Post # 6
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think that if she asked to be involved with a specific event/craft type thing – then she should follow through.  Not because she’s your Maid/Matron of Honor, but because she’s your friend and said she’d do something.

If a friend of yours said that she wanted to do coffee next week, but then never shows – I’d be pissed.  It’s like I didn’t ask you to do coffee, you asked me.  So I think it’s similar – she asked to help with STD’s and then didn’t, she asked for a to do list and didn’t do any of those things either.

I think it would be different if the OP expected her to do those things, but my impression from the posts is that the Maid/Matron of Honor wanted and said she would do those things.

-I guess it’s all how you look at it 🙂

Post # 8
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Sorry that you have to go through this stress. I am kind of feeling the same way you are. I have a friend that I have known since high school. I asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and now when I talk about the wedding she seems very uninterested. Hopefully she was start to help out soon. Good luck!

Post # 9
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

It sounds like your Maid/Matron of Honor is a flaky person in general–I don’t think it’s specific to you or your wedding; she’s probably this way with a lot of people. You can either accept this quality and continue to be her friend, loving her as she is, or you can decide it’s not worth the effort (I’d probably do the latter–flakiness is a sign of narcissicm and she sounds like a pretty self-absorbed person!)

I think that what you might want to do for yourself is write down all the things that you expect your Maid/Matron of Honor to do on paper. Then cross out the things that you know this one’s not going to do. This will show you a) are you asking too much and b) the fact that your expectations probably don’t match up with the reality of working with her. You can either accept that and keep her as a MOH or don’t and boot her off the Wedding Party but you can’t NOT accept it and keep her as Maid/Matron of Honor because that’s just going to cause stress and disappointment. That’s not to say her behavior is acceptable AT ALL, but it is her behavior and if you keep holding on to what Maid/Matron of Honor is “supposed to do,” you will become a pretty angry bride. Are there any other BMs that could pitch in a little?

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