- 4 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
This is JUST a rant because I am quite perturbed by recent events, and I know I am probably going to get flamed by a few people, but whatever. I need to tell someone my frustrations, whether they are just or not.
Late last year, my MOH, Jenny (not real name), got engaged to a guy named Kevin after two months of dating him. Just two months earlier she was trying to hook up with the bartender at my wedding. Even though neither DH and I knew him very well, we wanted to make an attempt to be supportive. Kevin has no friends here (he moved up here for work) and Jenny was really excited we could be “couple” friends. Kevin was really nice at first, but if he’s drinking, he becomes a REAL asshole. We are starting to notice a few months ago that he likes to try to one up us all the time and he thinks he knows everything, but we just smile and nod and let him think he is God’s gift to the world.
The plan for this wedding was to get married on a Wednesday because it has significance, out at her house (about 70 ppl in attendance), sitting on bales…a very rustic country wedding. Reception would be 10 miles away at a community center where the dance was advertised in the newspaper (she lives in a town of about 200 people so it isn’t huge). She said, “Oh this is a simple, country wedding. Not big and elaborate like yours.” Mine was only elaborate because I was ORGANIZED.
This wedding planning has been a distaster from day one. I asked her what she wanted from me as MOH of her wedding apart from the bridal shower and bach party. She specifically said, “I am buying your dress since you bought mine, so all I need is for you to attend the rehearsal, the wedding, and help make invitations.” I helped her get all of her invites created. It was a 2 day, 5 hour process each, that was tiring and horrible, but we got them done.
The next day she posts on FB that she should just elope because no one is helping her. Many people agreed with her, and said yes, she should just elope, so apparently everyone was already feeling overwhelmed with this wedding too. Her mom just had her 3rd divorce and wants really no part with this wedding and his parents are disabled and live too far away. Her brothers don’t care, her uncles and aunts don’t want to help, and her friends from OOT are willing to help but they can’t commit to being here until the day before the wedding. In an effort to step up and help more I offered to make her unity candle and a banner decoration for the reception. She said that would be great. My DH even offered to throw her FI a bachelor party since not even his best man was stepping up to do it.
Her place flooded, the wind tore out the gazeebo they have been building, she has white boots and white veil to go with her ivory and gold dress, the men are in black jeans, long sleeved white western shirts and wool jackets in the sweltering July afternoon heat, instead of bales we are sitting on something but she hasn’t said what and NO ONE except the bride and groom have flowers because they put all their money towards a 10 day honeymoon of trail riding. They have no photographer (she said she is just going to shove a camera in someone’s hands and let them take them), no singers even though DH and I both sing (they are just going to play a 5 minute country song and let everyone stand there listening to it), and her FI has dictated how she is to wear her hair that day. She wants to wear it up and he wants it down and says she will look hidious with it all up. So guess who won? When she asked me how I felt about all this, I said, “With all the issues you should just cut your losses, which would just be the minister and hall and go elope.” I eman really no one in her family cares about this wedding, even she and her Fi hardly do since they have put every penny towards the honeymoon, so I thought my advice was spot on, but they have continued anyway.
Like I said, DH threw her FI a bach party, I threw a bachelorette and bridal shower, made the unity candle, a banner, and helped a total of 10 hours on invitations as well as give her decorations from my wedding to help her. I have made sure I am going to make the rehearsal and the wedding. After the rehearsal I am staying to decorate and the day after the wedding I am staying a few hours to clean up. I even offered to take care of their dog for 10 days while they are on their honeymoon.
The other day she texts me, keeping in mind this is 4 days before the wedding when EVERYTHING should be set in stone, right? and says, “What days can I count on you for the wedding?”
Umm…first of all a HELLO how the eff are you would have been nice (since I was just ill for a few weeks), and second, you are asking me 4 days before the wedding what days I can help you? So I ask, “What do you all need? I am going to be at rehearsal at 2, I have the whole day of the wedding off, and the next day I took a half a day to help you guys clean everything and take the dog back.”
I never heard a peep. And she apparently was at the bar my aunt works at, and my aunt, who is close to her, talked to her, and Jenny says, “Yeah, by the way we are having the food at the community hall not the house.” My aunt about shit herself because 4 days before she changes her mind on where catering is supposed to be. She also said she was getting stressed because everything has been a mess. She said no one is helping her. My aunt asked about me and she just ignored her, like she was upset! Do I not exist in her mind anymore after all I have done?
Apparently she is pissed that I, as MOH, won’t be there all day tomorrow to help decorate. Well, I am sorry but you didn’t outline that in your duties. Second, if she would have asked me a month ago I would have gladly taken it off, but 4 days before the wedding (actually 2 since this all happened over a weekend) you expect me to walk up to my boss and say I need that time off? Not only that but it is almost like she is expecting me to take 3 days off for a wedding that is 25 miles away from where I live! I understand it is in the middle of the week, but I get paid way too much and have a house and dog to pay for and you expect me to take that many days off? I never expected that of her. She took half a day for the rehearsal and Friday for my wedding, and then she had the whole Saturday to recover. I want to help, but she has to find others. I can’t take that many days off to be the only person helping.
Sorry for being ranty, but she is upset with me over pretty much nothing, and I am seriously trying to chalk this up to her being super stressed out, which I still think isn’t an excuse to ignore people. I told DH if she decides to ignore my texts (and ME) and talk to others about why she’s pissed at me tomorrow, I will step down from this wedding, and I really don’t care if it is one day before or the day of. I am tired of being treated like snot by her FI, and I am tired of being ignored when I want to help and ignored when I can’t do what she wants me to do. Unless that happens, I will just help with what I can, smile, and nod.