Post # 1
Ok a little back ground info. My dad didnt take care of me throughout my life, my mom went to file for devorse and child support but my dad convinced her to drop the case. So she did and we went without and settled with nothing. Not even a father figure.
So now my dad has sold his property and got over 5 mil, his current wife has filed for devorse and has claimed half and also pays child support towards all four kids.
My situation, since my dad still has a good chunk of money i have requested for him to help me with some money. He has been ignoring me and not even giving me a chance. I asked my mom if she can talk to him since they have a good relationship and they know eachother very well. I offered her money if she can convince him to send me money so i can get out of debt.
He has not answered her or replied to her messages. Then i decided to call one day and he answered i ask for a large amount and all i got was 5 grand, thats like 10% of what i asked for I honestly didnt think i was going to get anything, but i made a promise to my mom to give her money. Now i dont know whats fare.
Her back ground, ok since we went through a lot with no money in our lives she has put me through hell. She ruined my wedding and stole from me when i lived her and caused a lot of greif to the point where i dont talk to her. I literally could write a book on how crazy she is. She owes my husband 1000. for the vehicle we bought her and the trip we paid for her to go to our wedding.
I was thinking about just buying her groceries or paying one of her expensive bills off. But i dont know whats fare.
Post # 3
I don’t really see why or how your father owes you any money… you’re an adult and any debts you’ve incurred are your responsibility. Not sure I agree with calling someone up and asking them to give you their money. And offering to give your mother money if she can convince him to give you money? o_O That just seems really wrong to me.
I think you should start being responsible with your debt and work on reducing it without asking your estranged father for handouts. And if giving your mother money is a problem and she’s put you “through hell”, then stop giving/promising her money. Just don’t let it become a topic of conversation.
Post # 4
@suez: If your dad didnt take care of you throughout your life, and that is a pattern with him, why would you expect him to start now?
“All [you] got was 5 grand”? Sounds like that’s alot more than he ever gave you before, I’d just be happy you got that. He may be your dad, but that is HIS money. Parents that have GREAT relationships with their kids dont typically just go around throwing thousands of dollars at them, so it’s no suprise to me that a dad you dont have a relationship with would either.
As far as what’s fair to give your mom, I dont know why you promised to give her anything in the first place she makes you so miserable.
Post # 5
@MissCalifornia: +50 to everything you just said.
Post # 6
Your mother didn’t talk your father into giving you some money, you’re the one who did it. I don’t think you owe her anything. Especially since it sounds like SHE owes YOU money. If you haven’t told her that your father has given you money, I personally wouldn’t, otherwise she’s going to feel like you owe her some. Sorry, I know that sounds like shitty advice… :-/
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa
@suez: let me get this straight. your dad hasn’t been a part of your life for a long time, and the first thing you do when you hear he has money is to call him up and ask him for cash?
I don’t understand why you aren’t trying to have a relationship with your father, if he is so important to you (notice this is filed in the RELATIONSHIPS tab).
I would be pretty pissed off if a relative I hadn’t spoken to in a long time hit me up for cash.
Deal with your debt on your own.
Post # 8
@gingerkitten: Exactly. And if “only” $5000 was “about 10%” of what OP asked for, that means she asked an estranged relative for about $50,000.
Post # 9
@suez: You are an adult and you shouldn’t rely on others to bail you out and pay your bills, especially an absentee father who hasn’t given you anything in the past. Your mom is the one that didn’t file for child support years ago, that’s her fault, it doesn’t mean you are entitled to anything now. Also “all i got was 5 grand” REALLY? If someone GAVE ME $5k I’d be over the freaking moon, maybe you should be happy for what you got instead of what you didn’t get. Also you should take your issues up with your mom and her alone, sounds like she’s the one mooching off you, not your dad.
Post # 10
Sorry, but you’re not entitled to his money. He didn’t get you into debt, he doesn’t owe it to you to get you out. His fathering abilites are a completely separate issue.
If you are having debt problems, make a budget, purge your unecessary expenses and stick stick stick to the plan. It’s going to take work to get out of it.
Post # 11
@MsAmandaAnn: i agree with you. I am a responsiable person with money iam working and my husband is too. Yes i have debt, and we are paying it slowly. I am an adult and aware of my own issues, but instead of asking a bank for a loan. I ask the person that has not taking any responsibilty for my well being that he promised my mother by word. I think he owes me a lot more including his attention, I get nothing from him. He doesnt even want to know my life my child my husband, he has no respect for his own health. I asked for help because i do need help and any child can ask their parents for money if needed.
I am not a low life person to ask people for money i have never asked. As soon as i could work i paid the bills, i paid the rent, i put food in the fridge for my mother and I to live and even went to highschool. We struggled our whole life because of a promise this man made to my mom. I do not get along with my mom cause she hurt me way too many times, but i forgive her cause i know it wasnt her fault. If only my dad took on the responsibilty then maybe i could of been in a different place my life with no debt.
Post # 12
All I have to say is seriously? I can’t believe this actually occurred.
Post # 13
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Unfortunately you’re stuck with a deadbeat dad and any time you rely on him for something he is only going to disappoint you. The best thing for you to do is cut him completely out of your life and move on. He’s made it clear to you that he doesn’t want a relationship with you so why keep dealing with him when it only ends up with you hurt by him again and again?
Post # 15
@gingerkitten: I have been in my dads life ever since i was 14, I made a choice to try to be a better person and forget about the child support. I wanted to get to know him and love him. I lived there for one year so i could build a stronger bond. Plus my siblings and mother inlaw had no clue i existed so i wanted to get to know them as well. My dad never talked about the past but my grandma said she was sorry for ruining the relationship my mom and dad had. I love my dad. He lives three hours away and when i do go out there i do make a point to go there, plus he texts me all the time. I am the only family he has right now, his wife and children have left him and have moved far away. So i am the only support he has, i am not using him for the money he has. I am greatful for what he has decided to give me, weather or not he would of. I am just in need of help.
Post # 16
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
What is happening in this thread?!?
OP, You’re not owed anything because of how your mother chose to settle her “devorse”