(Closed) A New Bee- How to bring up the e-ring?

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@dreamer22:  

I’m confused… I thought your significant other was supposed to pick your ring.

I’m by no means “old fashioned” however I was shocked that so many women pick out their own ring. My fiancé spent months tracking down the perfect ring (antique 1920s, Old Mine, hand filigree, etc.) all without my knowledge, and I absolutely love it. I couldn’t have picked it out better myself.

If he knows you well enough to marry you, shouldn’t he KNOW what you like?

Post # 4
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Samantha_MT:  

You’re being really judgmental.

People are different. People do things differently. My husband wanted to pick out the ring together to be one hundred percent sure we’d both like it. If we’re dropping thousands of dollars on something, we’d better in complete and total agreement on liking it, with no guessing. That’s how we roll. Other people do it differently. Doesn’t matter as long as the couple is happy. Doesn’t mean the woman is materialistic. We picked a non-diamond, smaller center stone, and only used a third of the budget. I don’t appreciate being called materialistic because my husband and I choose to make major decisions together.

Post # 5
Member
4921 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If you’ve been together that long, I think it would be completely appropriate to openly discuss the ring. If you have already set a wedding budget of 70k, I see nothing wrong with being up front about the ring. I reccomend going together to look at styles and settings. He may say “I want to surprise you”, in which case let him. Or, he may want a make and model number. Just be open about it IMO. 

Post # 6
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Welcome to the Bee! Just start talking with your SO. There’s really no other way to do it. Find out what he is thinking, toss out your ideas, and keep the dialogue open. You may find that he has strong opinions, or maybe no opinions at all. he may feel lost in the world of jewelry, or maybe he’s already done oodles of homework. Like anything else in a relationship, it’s all about open communication.

Post # 7
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@dreamer22:  Just tell him you’d like to go ring shopping together and pick the ring together. Ring-shopping dates are a fun way to start your engagement!

Post # 8
Member
905 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Perhaps broach the topic after walking past a jewelry store? Something like “I really like X style.” After some tentative suggstions like that, Fiance and I started having serious discussions. I told him point-blank what I wanted… then he didn’t buy it! He bought a beautiful, but not diamond (as we had discussed I wanted) ring and told me it was to be a placeholder until we could find the perfect ring together. We did. Just let the conversation flow. If you’re already wedding planning you can also ask him what kind of ring HE envisions wearing. Let that begin a discussion.

Post # 9
Member
4061 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Samantha_MT:  stop judging other. What worked for you doesn’t work for everyone. And that’s coming from someone who’s Fiance picked the ring totally himself. 

  

@dreamer22:  I suggest you have a conversation with your Fiance. Talk about what the budget is. Look online for styles that you like (plain band or stones, solitaire or not, diamond or not, halo or not, etc). You can even go ring shopping/browsing together 🙂

Post # 10
Member
2286 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

Honestly I would just talk to him. If you’ve kind of already agreed to get married and set a tentative date and budget then it’s appropriate to just be totally open about it. Ask him what he’s like to spend on a ring and if he has any style he prefers, then start going to shops and looking around together. If he wants to be the one to pick the ring then go shopping together, try things on, tell him what you like/don’t like, or even pick out 3-5 rings and let him make the final decision. Everybody wins.

Post # 12
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

When the time came, I started dropping hints as to what I liked. I would browse Pinterest, find something I liked and I would point it out to my FH. I also jokingly would mention looking at rings in jewelry stores while shopping at the mall.  In the end, he had a pretty good idea what I liked and bought the ring on his own. AND I COULDN’T BE HAPPIER WITH MY RING. We also dicussed the price prior to looking.

I would suggest just giving him style ideas and he can then pick something out in his price range. Or if you want something particular ask him the price range and go from there.

Post # 14
Member
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Hi @dreamer22: 

First off… CONGRATULATIONS at getting to this wonderful point in your Relationship… that is worth a celebration on its own… what a FABULOUS feeling to come to the realization that you’ve found THE ONE, and you BOTH want to spend the rest of your lives with each other.

Ok, the whole ERing / Proposal situation…

Personally…

I would NEVER be the gal who let my guy pick out something for me that I was going to wear 24/7×365 the REST OF MY LIFE

(Not clothes… and certainly not something as important as a Wedding Ring)

** And for the record @Samantha_MT:  I am over 50… and an Encore Bride and even back in 1980 with my first Marriage, we chose the Rings together **

So ya, having a guy do it 100% on his own… is ok for some gals… but NOT the norm for everyone

(And can’t tell you how many times we’ve seen posts here on WBee from gals who are completely saddened by The ERings they received cause they left it entirely up to their guys without a peep of input… not a good idea.  Guys need info)

So OP, if you and your fellow are talking marriage then you have some choices…

And they all start the same way.

1- READ UP.  Become familiar with the various options for ERings… there is a lot more choices today that JUST a Diamond.

A good place to start is right here on WBee with THE RING BOARD.

2- No matter what you choose… but more so if you want a Diamond do your research.  Diamonds are complicated… and expensive.  So be sure you know all you can about this option.  There is sooo much to know… the traditional 4 Cs:

CARAT SIZE – CUT (Shape & Quality) – COLOUR – and CLARITY

But there are also other Cs that can be equally important:

CERTIFICATION – CONFLICT FREE / CANADIAN – COMFORT – and COST

Within each Category there are many levels… so with so many variables it can get COMPLICATED.  So you have to find a COMBO of Cs that meet you and your Finace’s happiness with both the Ring and Budget.

A good place to start to learn about Diamonds is the Website that Blue Nile has.  They have an excellent page on EDUCATION (not just on Diamonds.. but they excel at on-line Diamond info). AND the Blue Nile Website as a Retailer also means you can check out the price for loose diamonds… and play around with the various combos to get an idea of what things might cost.

Blue Nile = http://www.bluenile.com

Although personally, I won’t buy a Diamond off-line, because I insist with such a purchase that I actually SEE the Diamond under a Jeweller’s Loupe BEFORE I buy.  But there are certainly Bees here on WBee who have no qualms buying a Diamond on-line.

3- TRY ON RINGS.  There are literally 1000s upon 1000s of ring designs… and not every ring is gonna look great on each girl / hand… because just like the rest of us… not everything suits / fits all of us (ie a Size 12 Dress can fit a gal who is 5 Foot tall OR 6 Foot tall… but not necessarily all gals inbetween).  You try on clothes before you buy them… so it is with ERings… go try them on !!

You can do this on your own, or you can do it with your GFs, or your Fiance.  The choice is yours.

4- IF you go as a couple there is the advantage to the fact that you are taking on this exercise as a couple… sort of the first serious step towards Marriage and planning your Wedding.  And it can be a good exercise cause you’ll have to deal with / balance out various things… like all the possibilities… but also what combo of Cs are important to both of you… and your Budget limitations.  Probably one of the first serious money talks that many couples have.

5- Take your time… do your homework, research & reading… and window shopping.  Don’t buy the first ring you see in the first jewellery store you go into.  TOO MANY MEN SHOPPING ON THEIR OWN tend to make this mistake, and regret it to some extent later.  The ERing Market is competitive, and AGGRESSIVE… you will be pressured by Sales Staff… accept this for what it is, and don’t fall prey to their push tactics.  BUY ONLY when you are both 100% happy.  And you’ll have no regrets about the entire experience.

6- Ok after all the eye-candy… it’ll be the time to make a final decision.  If you have shopped with your Fiance, chances are you’ve already picked out a ring together.  If you didn’t shop together, then you’ve probably narrowed down your choices to a few you like (SPECIFIC RINGS) or at least a ring style.

This is when you give him the list of details… and let him make the purchase.

7- Now you wait.  If you picked out the ring together the wait may be particularly short… as it may be just a case of the Ring being ordered / resized.

If you picked out the ring, and he’s gone off to buy it on his own, well you aren’t really 100% sure when that might happen.  And so it goes.

He might have the funds right away… he might have to save up.  The timeframe is very fluid… therefore on when the Ring & Proposal might happen.

8- The Proposal may come when the ring is in his possession… or in some cases many gals (myself included) don’t get a big showy Proposal… and it is just an ongoing conversation for a couple about Marriage.  In that case, the day the ring comes in, could be the day it happens… in our case we went to the Jewellery Store, and he slipped it on my finger… and voila we were OFFICIALLY Engaged.

In any case… Enjoy the process.  It is different for everyone… but it can be a very happy and rewarding experience.

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 15
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@dreamer22:  We had a couple of friends get engaged a year before us and we learned that one spend 10k and the other spent 4k. When I heard this, I told my finace that I couldn’t imagine him spending that kind of money on my e-ring. He asked what price I thought was resonable and I told him 2k. We were both on the same page. 

You will probably have to find your own unique way to approach the topic. But if the price is a concern for you, I think it is okay to ask.

Maybe approach it as such:

“So, I went shopping with so-and-so today at the mall and she dragged me into the jewlery store.  The lady helping asked if I had a price point and I told her I wasn’t sure. Out of curiousity, what do you think is a sutiable price for a ring?” 

Of course be sweet about it and see what he answers with. Haha

Best of luck to you.

Post # 16
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@dreamer22:  I didn’t and for the record, he’s not my better half. He’s my other half, I was just fine before I met him Smile

 

He told me that he would probably be proposing at some point and wanted to know what I thought would be a nice ring. He likes yellow gold. I hate yellow gold so I told him. He asked me what cuts I liked. I told him. He asked me what size. I told him. He asked me to show him some ideas of what I liked, I did.

The only thing he said was ok cool. White, princess cut, size 7. Got it.

 

With that information he went shopping all on his own and came back with the most beautiful 3 ct wedding set (I was good with 1.5 ct because we are thinking of having a house built) that was completely NOT what I expected. I figure that if he can’t pick out a ring that I like all by himself, he’s gonna have a hard time living with me for the rest of his life because I’m much more complicated than a piece of jewelry. I’ve read the whiny posts about how disappointed girls were with their rings. Each time I’ve thought… he should take it back and run in the other direction

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