(Closed) A New Bee- How to bring up the e-ring?

posted 7 years ago in Rings
Post # 17
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

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@dreamer22:  I had no idea what I wanted either except a sapphire. Trying on really DOES make a difference – what I thought I wanted from looking at pictures online was totally different than what I liked in person. If you decide to try things on without him, concentrate on features and styles you like rather than specific rings. I don’t like round or princess cuts, but I like most other cuts. I love three-stones. I like pave shanks. I like well-executed filigree and engraving. I like shanks wider than 3mm. Etc. That way, you can scale your desires up or down to fit his budget.

I would have loved any ring my husband gave me, because he gave it to me and because of what it symbolizes. But if he had picked it out, it would probably have been a giant diamond with sapphire sidestones and a plain shank – beautiful, and something well in the range of what I like, but not exactly perfect. And he wanted to get it exactly perfect – something we both have not even the tiniest niggle of regret or “well, it might have been better if” about.

And I agree with This Time Around – I’ve seen way too many women dissatisfied with their engagement rings! It is wonderful when the man surprises her and gets it right, but that doesn’t always happen.

Post # 18
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@Samantha_MT:  To each their own. In some relationships, it works out the way yours worked out. In my relationship with my SO, we like to pick everything out together and this was no different from a house, a couch, a dog or anything else. If he is spending 5 figures on something, it should be something we both love. TBH, we ended up with something different from what I thought I would want because in the course of picking it out together, we talked things out and exchanged ideas. So no, I don’t think he would just “know” what I want because apparently I didn’t even really know myself what I wanted.

 

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@dreamer22:  It depends on the two of you and how you communicate. DH and I have always had really good, open communication so even before he proposed, I was already looking at rings and asking him for his opinion while showing him things I liked. We shopped for rings together and had it ordered and made before he proposed. If he’s ready to marry you, he should be comfortable enough to tell you, honestly, what his realistic budget is. Then it’s up to you to be respectful and realistic and stay within that budget. I think it’s realistic that you should be able to stay within his budget to find something you love (assuming we’re not talking something really low and restrictive, like $50).

However, you can always let him pick or give him a few suggestions as to what styles you like. With this method, however, you better be sure that you will love it 100% no matter what it looks like. Some women I know are happy with whatever ring, some want it to be “just right”.

Post # 19
Member
4522 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@dreamer22:  I started sending mine emails of what I like when I got the vibe he’d be receptive. Around Christmas this year, we went and picked out my ring…only to have me find one I liked waaaaaaay more last month, which is the one he purchased ๐Ÿ™‚ You are not wierd for having a say in it! This isnt 1950 and you certainly can bring this up yourself ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 20
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee

With your budget concerns you might as well just discuss it with him openly. You two can have fun picking out the ring together – or skip the e-ring (since he’s already proposed, why not) and just add a diamond or whatever stones you like to your wedding band or none at all. You don’t have to have an e-ring and it doesn’t have to be super expensive, just talk with your SO and find something that works for both of you.

Post # 21
Member
4522 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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@distracts:  +1

Post # 22
Member
2733 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My perspective on the engagement ring:

It is a costly purchase that you will wear for the rest of your life. To me that is extremely significant. Personnaly, I wanted to choose my ring to make sure I loved it. I chose a setting that was fairly priced…and I also picked my FI’s engagement ring because we both wanted to be equal on that “labelling” level. He was happy with the white gold band I got him, but I also made it clear he could exchange it for something else if he wanted.

I have honestly not really liked a lot of the jewelery my DH has gifted me in the past. All but one pendant, hehe! I have my tastes, he doesn’t know much about jewelery. I enjoy looking at jewelery, he doesn’t care. So it was perfect for both that I picked my ring out! And boy do I enjoy wearing that gorgeous ring!!!

Post # 23
Member
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

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@Samantha_MT:  Not all SOs put as much thought into the rings as yours did, and not all SOs have taste that can be trusted.  And sometimes women are ready for engagement before men are.  There are many reasons why a woman might choose her own ring, those are just a few.  The first ring my SO showed me he liked was both more expensive than the ering I picked and TOTALLY not my taste.

 

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@dreamer22:  It sounds like you guys getting married’s a for sure thing, so just ask him about it.  “Hints” are lost on most men – the only way to be sure to get anywhere with them sometimes is just to have an open, honest discussion about the subject.  He may already have  ring in mind, but you won’t know unless you ask.

Post # 24
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I haven’t hadthe chance to read all the previous replies so, sorry if this has already been said… but my advice is to do your research! 

I’m lucky to have been given a ring that my Fiance chose himself, AND I also get to choose a ring! He knows how picky I am, but he’s a romantic at heart so he proposed with a stunning yet cheaper ring, and told me that I could pick my own ring within budget. 

I’m currently in the process of sourcing my ring, and I can’t believe the price differences between places! We’re looking at a custom made, and for the exact same design and grade of diamond I’ve had quotes all over the shop – the cheapest being $3,000 less than the most expensive! And I know people say price will be indicative of quality, but I’m actually most impressed with the cheapest jeweller. I’m basing this on the service and information he’s given me so far, as well as his testimonials, examples of his work, and reviews I’ve found online. I’ve done a lot of research, and I’m fairly confident in his work as well as stoked with the price! 

Hopefully you’ll get a ring that you love, but most of all you’re getting to marry the man of your dreams! 

Post # 25
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

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@Samantha_MT:  There’s really no “supposed to” when it comes to love. Unfortunately, my SO doesn’t have mind-reading abilities and he is, by his own admission, both forgetful and clueless about rings. I don’t hold this against him, and I consider myself lucky that I get to pick my ring. We’ve discussed it extensively and he’s perfectly happy letting me choose the materials and style because he knows that I won’t be happy without them. He’s okay with me storing the ring I’ve chosen in a safe until he’s ready to propose and so am I.

Post # 26
Member
746 posts
Busy bee

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@Samantha_MT:  You are being ridiculously judgemental and contributed nothing to this thread except to piss people off, which I’m assuming you intended – because what other response to this statement could you possibly expect?  Are you seriously deluded enough to think that all men magically know exactly “the perfect ring” for their woman?  And that if they don’t, they “don’t know you well enough”?  Rubbish. 

OP, I think the best frame of action is plain and simple communication.  Strike up a casual conversation about what you want, and go from there.  And as the excellent This Time Round has said, do some research on Bluenile and the like to figure out styles, sizes, metal color, etc so you have a little knowledge beforehand.  

Good luck, and welcome to the Hive!  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 27
Member
1654 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@dreamer22:  Hi fellow Toronto Sri Lankan bride! (I assume you’re Sri Lankan, sorry, haha)

When Fiance and I talked about rings, we chose one completely out of our budget, and ended up returning it. It still is my dream ring, but I obviously don’t want to go into debt for it.

I know some places offer financing plans so he could pay the ring off within six months to a year (or more). 

My advice would be to always check online for diamonds and settings. Big brick & mortar stores like Peoples, Mappins, etc. often jack up the prices for diamonds of shitty quality.

If you do some diamond research, I recommend going to Blue Nile or James Allen to purchase a center stone and/or setting. They’re both online stores with amazing return policies (I bought my first e-ring off of there and it was breathtaking.) When I went to Peoples’, I asked how much they would sell my center stone for and they said around $6000. I bought the stone for only $2200 online.

 

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@This Time Round:  +1. You always have the best posts ๐Ÿ˜€

Post # 28
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

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@Samantha_MT:  

 

A little harsh…  My husband didn’t pick out a ring, not because he didn’t know me well enough, but because I didn’t even know what I wanted.  I tried on rings for five months before I found the one I wanted to wear for the rest of my life…  Each person should be able to choose how they want to go about being married to someone without other people being “shocked” by it.  After all, they’re choosing to commit themselves to the person they love, bottom line.  Everything else is simply embellishment.  Which is great if that’s how you like it, and if it’s not, that’s also great.  

Post # 29
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

@Samantha_MT: FYI, I picked out my ring, why? Not that he doesnt know me, but because he does know me. There’s only so much a man needs to know about a women, what makes her happy and what pushes her button. 


To OP, communicate and compromise. DH actually proposed with an empty box so I could pick out my ring. I went ring shopping by myself with his budget (it took a load of his shoulders, pheeeeew). He later surprised me with it and confirmed my answer. So all in all, it was still double surprise! Good luck!

 

Post # 30
Member
3080 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@dreamer22:  I showed him a couple of rings that I liked and then sent him one that I really loved (and was my dream ring but figured it would be too expensive for him). I told him that I’d be happy with any but that I LOVED the last one. He ended up getting me my dream ring. We didn’t discuss size, i let him do that on his own. I was more concerned with the setting. 

Post # 31
Member
1783 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I started a wedding board on Pinterest and pinned a bunch of rings I liked and shared it through Facebook, knowing my FH would see! This was ONLY after he told he he went shopping around for rings! You don’t want to be that crazy girl that pressures her Fiance into proposing and gives him ultimatums. It has to be a joint decision! 

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