A new problem with my husband

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
906 posts
Busy bee

It seems like you are just looking for reasons not to be with your husband.

Go to counseling or leave him.

Post # 3
Member
2412 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think that you can’t trust him. He breaks promises. Lies. This is not marriage material.

Post # 4
Member
8662 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

 toomuchdiva :  “I respect his privacy and don’t snoop” — You totally did though. I don’t know what the Amanda thing is, so not sure if you have good reason to snoop, but you did. If he is a guy who watches porn and you’re not ok with a guy who watches porn, then I agree, it sounds like you might be incompatible.

Post # 5
Member
4447 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

He has a right to be pissed off. You didn’t want to look through his phone as to protect his right to privacy when the whole Amanda thing was blowing up but now you’re all over his mac when hes not around. Snooping is not ok, and freaking out on him through text message is really immature. 

Post # 8
Member
364 posts
Helper bee

toomuchdiva :  gee bee, this is tough.

At the end of the day,  if the porn subject is something that you have both agreed upon and set boundaries in relation to , then he should be respecting that agreement.  It sounds like he is not doing that.  On top of everything that has happened,  it seems he is continuing to “try and get away with what he can”. This is not a good sign.  Perhaps you could have some time apart.  He can have time to think about his actions,  you can have time to decide if he’s right for you. 

At the end of the day,  relationships can be complex. There’s negatives with every man on the planet. you have to ask yourself if you can live with his. 

Hugs. This is hard. 

There are always tonnes of bees saying you should leave but the answers on this site are usually skewed, if every bee left her hubs on the advice of this site, the bee divorce rate should be close to 100%.

 

Post # 10
Member
364 posts
Helper bee

toomuchdiva :  that’s the issue,  his lack of care for something that hurts you.  It’s a problem. Only you know if you feel you can work it out. 

Post # 12
Member
6078 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Then I think you have your answer. “He just doesn’t care” doesn’t sound like someone interested in maintaining his marriage. He also flat-out told you to deal with it. So if you aren’t willing to overlook the porn (and the crush and the lies and the dismissal of your feelings), then things are pretty clear. He’s telling you he isn’t going to change, so you can either accept it or move on. 

Post # 13
Member
689 posts
Busy bee

I’m really sorry, bee. Your husband is a liar.

If you know he has lied about things in the past and you caught him in a lie with the porn, then who knows what else he’s lying about? 

It’s impossible to be able to trust someone who lies to you. And I think deep down you know this isn’t going to work with him. You deserve a lot better. Hugs 

Post # 14
Member
1341 posts
Bumble bee

Have you taken the time to reflect upon the actual reasons (or lack thereof) that you have for disliking pornography/disliking your partner watching pornography? 

Post # 15
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Hmm maybe it’s because I’ve never really understood why women can get so upset about their partners watching porn, because for me it’s not such a big deal. And your clicking on the browser history isn’t either.

I don’t know what has happend with Amanda, but just based on what you wrote in this thread, I would not label him as a liar in general. And maybe he can’t really understand why him watching porn is hurtful to you and he doesn’t watch it to deliberately hurt you, but because he enjoys it.So the agreement you had was probably really one-sided.

But in the end the decision lies with you, if it really is a dealbreaker for you and you noticed that he has no understanding of your wishes on this topic than you either have to accept certain things or move on.

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