Post # 1
I am really torn on what to do. My Fiance and I have been living together for over a year and obviously, we have very few “Needs” vs. bigger items that could really help us (get a house!).
i want to ask for money. But I know you can’t really do that point blank (Can you?? ;)).. my friend used a site when she got married and I didn’t think much of it, it was certainly easy to buy her a gift with a few clicks of the button and she was THRILLED with the response 😉
She used this site: www.uponourstar.com and it is a “wedding wish” registry. You can sign up for all kinds of things like honeymoon, car rentals, spa day, etc but she just “cashed out” at the end, which sounds like a great idea!
We are paying for 90% of our wedding ourselves and money is obviously important, I want to use this site for our registry, any thoughts on the best wording?
Post # 3
However you were planning on spreading news of your registry (word of mouth or on your site or whatever), just list this site! Some people won’t stick to it just like how not everyone follows store registeries, but at least it will get some people there.
You also might want to consider a store registry for people who aren’t as comfortable going online. My mom still refuses to shop online, even though that’s how she does her banking :).
Post # 4
Linking the site to your registry and telling your family members about it so they can pass on information is fine. Advertising it in any other way is in poor taste, imho–same as it wokrs for gift-gift registries.
And I second Jo.lee on having a store registry. There are people–me included, but I’m not the only one–who don’t feel comfortable giving cash or contributing to funds. If I were one of your guests, I’d really appreciate at least a small store registry to purchase from. And as Jo.Lee said, there are also people who are totally uncomfortable with web commerce, so it’s nice to have a brick-and-mortar option as well.
Post # 5
I 3rd the store registry idea in addition to your $ website. Both should be listed on the registry section of your wedding website, and try to spread word through your family and wedding party that you two really really prefer cash. I would say register for tangible gifts at a store where you can get the $ back, but that doesn’t exist anymore unfortunately 🙁
Post # 6
I love this! I like the ‘wish’ reference.
We have been living together since we met…. going on 3.5yrs. That in addition to the fact that my mom moved out of state when I was in college and gave me EVERYTHING she had just purchased to decorate her home. When she moved in with family to be a fulltime caregiver I inherited like 40pieces Pfalzgraf stoneware,pots and pans, bedding sets, bathroom sets… you name it! So needless to say we just dont have room for any more things. We decided on a Honeymoon registry a while back but this site sounds so much nicer and really easy to custom fit our “wshes”. We will do a traditional registry as well for guest options.
Thanks for the great idea!
(And thanks to all the bees with positive/neutral response. This is usually a sticky topic that results in a tongue-lashing from more traditional valued brides. I have had my feelings hurt severely on numerous occasions).
Post # 7
i’m not sure that i understand completely. i’m from Australia and our registries aren’t quite as techno as yours in the USA. our major deoartment stores don’t even have hand held scanners yet – we have to write down item numbers/barcodes/colours etc all by hand and then give them to the registry ladies who then all enter them in by hand on the store website. (yes, so quaint, i know! but not after 200 gifts, let me tell you!)
my question: you said that your friend listed spa days, honeymoon, car hire etc, which people bought for her, but then “cashed them out.” do you mean that she never actually ended up with the physical gifts/honeymoon experiences? but swapped them for cash?
if so, was this her intention all along? did you know that ‘cashing out’ was an option for her before you spent time and thought on trawling through her registry looking for the perfect gift? if i haven’t completely got the wrong end of the stick, and excuse my denseness if i have, but doesn’t that mean that this is just a mock registry, a pretend way of masking the fact that you don’t want gifts, but cash? what happens when Aunt Mary asks how the day spa was, or where the clock is that she bought you from the registry? how could you explain such rudeness? i would be spewing hot smoke and lava if someone “cashed out” my gift. have i got this wrong?
Post # 8
I think it’s a great idea. I do have a small concern about the website. They talk about being a secure website but have neither the yellow lock in the bottom right hand corner nor the “https” in the URL that indicates a secure website.
Maybe that comes after you set up an account?
Post # 9
Um, honestly I think these kind of sites are in very poor taste. I think your bust bet would be not to register anywhere and most people will get the idea that you’d rather have money than “things.”
Post # 10
@blossom_bee: It’s not that they are asking people to buy them things, then exchanging them for cash to get something different. From what I can gather of these sites, it’s a way for people to see what you are hoping to buy, and they can give money towards that goal. Since it’s not a registry at a store, you don’t directly get the item, but instead get the cash in order to buy the item. Ultimately, the site can’t enforce that that money goes to that gift. In that way it’s not much different than a direct cash gift, but may be a little friendlier to the givers. It may seem rude to someone who doesn’t want to give cash, however I wouldn’t say it’s tricky or dishonest. It really is what the couple wants to get. You would most likely be able to tell Aunt Mary about the day spa or the clock, since that’s what you plan to get.
I came here after searching for information about SimpleRegistry. I’m not sure what I think of such sites, exactly. I think whether it’s rude or not depends on how the couple and their family and friends would view it. I bet in some groups, no one would think it odd, but in other groups, it might be seen as rude or in poor taste.
When I first heard of it, I thought it might be something like an Amazon gift list, where people can buy the actual item, even from somewhere else, then tell the registry site that they bought it. To the practical side of me, it seems like it could be useful for large gifts like furniture, which to me seem hard to register for at a store. Also, for something like a spa visit or night out, it may be easier for non-local people than to try to get a gift certificate to a place you go to. I wouldn’t use it for smaller items, like a blender, etc. I think those would be better placed on a store registry, even if that means you have to pick a store to use for it. But it does seem like asking for cash, so I’m not sure how I feel about it. I would have a store registry even if I did do a registry like these, for those who do prefer to bring a gift, not cash.
Post # 11
I honestly don’t understand the point of sites where you can “register” for essentially cash – wouldn’t you rather just get a check? If you want $$$, just don’t register for gifts. Or only register for a handful/have parents and the bridal party tell people when they ask. People will get the idea, and then you don’t have a third party taking a percentage. Our registry had been picked clean well before the wedding, so people just gave us money, and there wasn’t a middleman to deal with.
That said, if this worked well for your friend I don’t see why it wouldn’t work for you. I don’t think it’s rude or anything… just maybe not necessary.
Also, if you decide to do a small registry at a store – Bed and Bath were awesome about returns. Anything on the registry got us cash back.
Post # 12
First, I hear you on having kitchen/bath items already. My siblings got married at age 21 and got everything. I’m 31, not yet married and when I do, I certainly won’t need much in the way of traditional items because I already bought most of it myself.
That said, I prefer MeghanV’s method. Register for a small amount of things and have friends/family spread the word that you have many traditional household items already. This is because:
1. The sites take a fairly large percentage in my opinion. I had a friend who did this. I looked over the site and discovered they would take about 7.5% which was just ridiculous. I knew they were cash strapped and I opted to just write them a check they could put where they needed it most (e.g. rent) rather than hand over 7.5% to a random company.
2. It’s deceptive to sign up for these type sites if you are contemplating from the get go to not enjoy the experiences. If I had bought a dinnner/spa package for my friend, I would have asked about it when I saw her and been quite upset to discover they opted not to do it and cashed out instead.
But, you asked for wording, not reasons why to avoid it entirely. My cousin put on her website something along these lines: Thank you for asking, they have a small traditional registry here, but they already have many things and will be undertaking a kitchen renovation shortly as well. Unfortunately, Home Depot does not offer a registery option! (They did not directly ask for gift cards but strongly suggested it.) Of if you want to be more direct – thank you for asking, our registry at X is small because we already have many household items to start our life together. If you would like to help us with our dream honeymoon, we would be very grateful. (list site)