(Closed) A not-so-hypothetical. What would you do?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
2237 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If you don’t think it’s the best idea then DO NOT DO IT!  If you’re all friends you don’t want to be put in an awkward situation… And if he expressed an interest in you already (like it isn’t just a hunch that he has feelings) then who’s to say he won’t try something?

Post # 4
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

If you were comfortable with it and your Fiance is comfortable with it, it wouldnt be a big deal. But it doesnt sound like you are. I would ask him to find another place to stay, or let him spend the night and you stay with a female friend if you have more friends in town than he does.

Post # 5
3004 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I would tell my FI that I am having uncomfortable feelings about this situtation (and maybe my friend if you guys are that close). If your Fiance doesn’t want to do anything then you can always stay the night at a girlfriends. I know that I would like to have the piece of mind something isn’t going to happen.

Post # 6
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

First of all, how serious is he being? My husbands friends always joke around with about “stealing me away” and the like, and it’s completely innocent and meaningless.

If your fiance is okay with him staying over, I’d say that’s a good indication that he is not taking his friends comments very seriously (and obviously that he trusts you)

If you’re not OK with it, talk to your fiance to arrange something else… but if he’s joking about the whole thing, and it’s making you uncomfortable, something should be said tastefully so he will stop.

Post # 7
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I don’t know. It depends on how you feel. If you feel uncomfortable about it i.e. that you’re worried he would be really sexually open/aggressive to you, then don’t stay with him alone. Or if you’re worried that you would be interested in him, or something would develop (I’m sure that’s not your concern, just throwing it out there) then obviously then it’s a bad idea.

If, on the other hand, you just think he’s harmless and it seems inappropriate, I wouldn’t worry about it. Hypothetically I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the situation, but you shouldn’t ignore serious concerns and go ahead with it if you’re nervous about his behavior. 

Post # 8
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I wouldn’t want to do that either!  I’d say to trust your gut.  There’s a reason its telling you this isn’t a good idea.  I don’t know how you can get out of that situation without offending him but I’d try to figure something out.  Is he there to visit other people also?  Or just you guys?

Post # 9
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Ooh, I’d say follow your gut instinct on it not being okay. Maybe nothing would happen, but it seems like a set up for awkwardness at least. Do you have a friend you could stay with for the night?

Post # 10
1331 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Wow, I’m really surprised your guy is okay with his friend’s admission and subsequent overnight stay alone with you.  Trust that little nagging suspicion of yours and tell him that you’re not comfortable with it.  I would hate for something to happen and then for some reason the blame come back on you.  I don’t see that happening, don’t worry, but I’m a pessimist sometimes and have to think of worst-case scenarios.  It’s unfortunate that your friend has declared his feelings because now it will always be an issue among you guys.  I feel bad for him because unrequited love can suck, but this is a complicated issue.  Good luck, and let us know how you continue to deal with this sticky situation.  It may be more common than I realize. 

Post # 11
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I wouldn’t be comfortable as the woman staying in a house with a man who has expressed interest, especially if my Fiance is away.

It opens up doors that should not be open.

But if you feel comfortable, your Fiance feels comfortable and you set STRICT bounderies with the friend (ie. no being in a bedroom together alone, not sitting on the same couch, etc) then good luck 🙂

Post # 12
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Invite some more people over and make an evening of it!

If you’re uncomfortable, do something to get yourself out of the situation!

Post # 13
246 posts
Helper bee

Trust your gut!  We have instincts for a reason and it’s important to listen to them!

Post # 14
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I think daydreamwanderer has a good idea. Are there mutual friends you could invite over? Maybe a single lady friend?

Barring that, I really think you should trust your gut. You should never be in a position where you’re uncomfortable in your own home.

Post # 15
16191 posts
Honey Beekeeper

In my personal opinion only, this isn’t appropriate. Kudos to your man for being cool with it, but it just seems like a bad idea to me.

Post # 16
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I agree with most of these Bees, I think it would be an uncomfortable situation, I alson think MissHelen has a good idea, invite a/ a few people over to stay the night as well so you don;t have to ask him to find somewhere else to stay.


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