Post # 1
Okay. Short version:
Fiance and I have this male friend. He spends equal amounts of time with both of us. A few months back, this friend expressed interest in me. Not like a “I want to date you” but more of a “I wish you were free so I could pursue you” type of thing. Fiance knows all about it, and our friend knows he does, so we all continued to be friends. He’s made a couple of comments since then, but nothing to write home about, and like I said, Fiance knows it all.
Well, this weekend, this friend is coming in from out of state to visit. He’ll be staying two nights. We just found out that Fiance has to work an overnight shift, so it’ll just be our friend and myself alone in the house all night long.
I don’t know whether this is appropriate, considering that he has expressed interest in me. Fiance says it’s fine, and I guess that should be my guide, but I just have this nagging feeling that it might not be the best idea?
What do you think, what would you do?
Post # 3
If you don’t think it’s the best idea then DO NOT DO IT! If you’re all friends you don’t want to be put in an awkward situation… And if he expressed an interest in you already (like it isn’t just a hunch that he has feelings) then who’s to say he won’t try something?
Post # 4
If you were comfortable with it and your Fiance is comfortable with it, it wouldnt be a big deal. But it doesnt sound like you are. I would ask him to find another place to stay, or let him spend the night and you stay with a female friend if you have more friends in town than he does.
Post # 5
I would tell my FI that I am having uncomfortable feelings about this situtation (and maybe my friend if you guys are that close). If your Fiance doesn’t want to do anything then you can always stay the night at a girlfriends. I know that I would like to have the piece of mind something isn’t going to happen.
Post # 6
First of all, how serious is he being? My husbands friends always joke around with about “stealing me away” and the like, and it’s completely innocent and meaningless.
If your fiance is okay with him staying over, I’d say that’s a good indication that he is not taking his friends comments very seriously (and obviously that he trusts you)
If you’re not OK with it, talk to your fiance to arrange something else… but if he’s joking about the whole thing, and it’s making you uncomfortable, something should be said tastefully so he will stop.
Post # 7
I don’t know. It depends on how you feel. If you feel uncomfortable about it i.e. that you’re worried he would be really sexually open/aggressive to you, then don’t stay with him alone. Or if you’re worried that you would be interested in him, or something would develop (I’m sure that’s not your concern, just throwing it out there) then obviously then it’s a bad idea.
If, on the other hand, you just think he’s harmless and it seems inappropriate, I wouldn’t worry about it. Hypothetically I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the situation, but you shouldn’t ignore serious concerns and go ahead with it if you’re nervous about his behavior.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t want to do that either! I’d say to trust your gut. There’s a reason its telling you this isn’t a good idea. I don’t know how you can get out of that situation without offending him but I’d try to figure something out. Is he there to visit other people also? Or just you guys?
Post # 9
Ooh, I’d say follow your gut instinct on it not being okay. Maybe nothing would happen, but it seems like a set up for awkwardness at least. Do you have a friend you could stay with for the night?
Post # 10
Wow, I’m really surprised your guy is okay with his friend’s admission and subsequent overnight stay alone with you. Trust that little nagging suspicion of yours and tell him that you’re not comfortable with it. I would hate for something to happen and then for some reason the blame come back on you. I don’t see that happening, don’t worry, but I’m a pessimist sometimes and have to think of worst-case scenarios. It’s unfortunate that your friend has declared his feelings because now it will always be an issue among you guys. I feel bad for him because unrequited love can suck, but this is a complicated issue. Good luck, and let us know how you continue to deal with this sticky situation. It may be more common than I realize.
Post # 11
I wouldn’t be comfortable as the woman staying in a house with a man who has expressed interest, especially if my Fiance is away.
It opens up doors that should not be open.
But if you feel comfortable, your Fiance feels comfortable and you set STRICT bounderies with the friend (ie. no being in a bedroom together alone, not sitting on the same couch, etc) then good luck 🙂
Post # 12
Invite some more people over and make an evening of it!
If you’re uncomfortable, do something to get yourself out of the situation!
Post # 13
Trust your gut! We have instincts for a reason and it’s important to listen to them!
Post # 14
I think daydreamwanderer has a good idea. Are there mutual friends you could invite over? Maybe a single lady friend?
Barring that, I really think you should trust your gut. You should never be in a position where you’re uncomfortable in your own home.
Post # 15
In my personal opinion only, this isn’t appropriate. Kudos to your man for being cool with it, but it just seems like a bad idea to me.
Post # 16
I agree with most of these Bees, I think it would be an uncomfortable situation, I alson think MissHelen has a good idea, invite a/ a few people over to stay the night as well so you don;t have to ask him to find somewhere else to stay.